[Brayden] Time Is Frozen

[Kenzie Renner]

Being the offspring of musical gods and goddesses had its’ perks. If they weren’t a Renner fan, they were a Madden fan, and vice versa. Often, just both. So it wasn’t often that when she and Brayden were together they got told no at establishments. Which is how she was sipping champagne at a bridal store, combing her fingers over the delicate fabrics. No matter how much she moved around the store, she kept finding herself coming back to this same dress. She brought her finger tips to the lace details of the tiny sleeves, giving a small sigh as she dropped her hand. She took a sip from her champagne , nervously popping her fingers on her left hand before setting the glass down. She tucked her hair behind her ear, catching her reflection in the mirror. When she told Emma she was going to dye her hair brunette, it had been on a whim, she didn’t think she would actually do it. But then Daniel thought it would make her look more mature and that people would take her more seriously.

“ Okay, I’m going to try this one on. Do you think you can get her to give us more champagne?” she asked, smiling at Brayden. The beautiful blonde was her heart. She brought her hand up to his hair, shaking it out gently before kissing his cheek. After stepping into the dressing room, she closed her eyes while taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Sometimes she had to pinch herself, remind herself that this was real. She was getting married, and it wasn’t to Brayden. The dreams she’d had for the previous seventeen and a half years were being pushed aside, essentially put into a trashcan at the end of a driveway. But, hadn’t everything changed months ago? There was this tiny scar in her relationship with Brayden and it went by the name of Brooke. It hurt to know that he wanted to share something so intimate with someone else, that she wasn’t on his mind. It just enforced to her that what she thought they had wasn’t real.

Kenzie shook her head, forcing herself to focus before she took her jeans off and then shed Brayden’s flannel. She set it on the small table beside her. She narrowed her eyebrows, looking at how she had taken off Brayden’s flannel, and looked forward at the dress for Daniel, and her heart literally felt like it tore from the symbolism. She squared her shoulders, clearing her throat before she took the dress and started to put it on. She leaned down, putting her sample heels back on before she stepped out of the dressing room. “Okay… come dance with me,” she said, giving a slow smile to Brayden. Kenzie picked up the sides of the dress before stepping down and then wrapping her hand over his neck.

Kenzie adjusted her shoulders, moving in closer to him before placing her other hand inside of his. “ I thought I would be spending this summer on the beach…not planning a wedding,” she said quietly before giving a small smirk. “I shouldn’t even really be wearing white,” she admitted with a slight lift of her eyebrow. “ Daniel and I sort of… did it last night…” she said, scrunching her nose as she looked at Brayden. “ He had the whole point of… getting married anyway, and.. I don’t know. I couldn’t find a real reason to say no,” she said, bringing her eyes up to look at Brayden. She stopped dancing, standing still as she held onto him. “ Do you ever think we’re growing up too fast? Both of us?” she questioned. It was rare that she couldn’t find the answer to any of her questions in Brayden. He’d been her other half for so long. Kenzie looked down, pulling herself away from his eyes before looking down at the floor. “ This doesn’t feel like the right fit,” she said, placing her hand on the fabric covering her stomach. The dress. The groom. But maybe being an adult was realizing that just because you wanted something, it didn’t mean that it was what you deserved.

[Brayden Shane Madden]

Brayden looked around the store, getting the feeling like this was one of those places as a kid his mom would tell him not to touch anything. It was all just so... white. He stood near a sitting area while Kenzie looked at dresses.  He honestly wasn't really up on wedding dress styles so he wasn't sure how much help he'd be. None of this felt real anyways, not this alternate reality they were in where Kenzie was marrying this guy that didn't even treat her right.   It was like he had no concerns over it because in his mind it wasn't going to actually happen. I mean how could it?  He wasn't the right guy for her and even though maybe Brayden was the only one that saw that, Kenzie would see it and come to her senses.  Kenzie brought him out of his thoughts when told she him she was going to go try one on, kissing his cheek and asking if he could get more champagne. "What else am I good for," he joked. He sat down after talking the lady into more champagne and picked up a bridal magazine, thumbing through it. It was weird staring at those pictures of brides and happy couples, trying to imagine that being Kenzie. It wasn't so difficult imagining Kenzie, she'd be a beautiful bride anyways, but trying to picture her with Daniel was weird.  Kenzie came out asking that he dance with her and Brayden responded, not looking up from the magazine immediately, "I don't think they're meant to be danced in, Kenz."  He threw the magazine down, standing up and watched her walking over, "Or at least, not that one..."  He didn't know how he felt about it.  Maybe the dress wasn't right?  Maybe he could just tell from her vibes it wasn't really what she wanted, the dress.  Brayden took her hand and wrapped his arm around her back, "We could still have a beach day," he said smiling, confused when she mentioned about not supposed to be wearing white.  She continued on before he could respond, telling him she'd slept with Daniel. 

Brayden felt his heart falter, his face blank, "What?"  He didn't really need her to repeat it, he just... she slept with him?  Last night?  He listened to her, a growing feeling of unease beginning to show itself.  "You couldn't think of a reason to say no... so you just figured you might as well say yes?"  Was that her reasoning when Daniel had proposed to her, too?  It just felt so unlike her.  He did not like the way this information was making him feel.  It wasn't good.  He didn't like knowing she'd done that with Daniel, guys like Daniel weren't supposed to get that from her.  Daniel didn't deserve anything from her, not that, not her time, especially not her love.  Brayden hoped he didn't have that too.  Was Brayden being protective or possessive?  He didn't want her to do that with Daniel because... what, because Brayden wanted to?  Did he?  That wasn't a tough question.  She was beautiful, he knew he was attracted to her.  But something inside him had always prevented him from crossing that line.  For fear of losing her?  What if he was losing her now?  Maybe he'd already lost her.  Kenzie had been so upset with him when he'd slept with Brooke.  He got the feeling that he was beginning to understand why.  There was something so innocent about the way they'd promised themselves to each other when they were kids but now it wasn't innocent.  He felt like his heart had just been ripped out and he didn't understand it.  He had these lingering feelings that were confusing to him.  He understood now, what real jealously was.  Jealous that some other guy was calling her his.  But she was Brayden's.  She always had been.  This feeling about her he'd had for so many years, something he was so used to that he never understood the full effect of it.  He'd always known he loved her, in a way he didn't love other people, but it was just the way he felt about Kenzie and it was so normal.  He had nothing to compare it too, and he'd always been too naïve to understand just what kind of love that was.  Something that developed and grew with them into whatever the hell this was.  Whatever it was he was realizing felt pretty intense right now at the thought that it might be coming to an end. 

He tore himself from his thoughts when she asked if they we're growing up too fast.  Him, no.  Brayden still felt his age.  His thoughts centered on graduating high school and going on tour, and how fun that would be.  Kenzie... maybe.  Or at least it felt that way, looking at her standing there in a wedding dress.  "I don't know," he said honestly.  He hadn't thought so, but the way things were going maybe he was wrong.  She pulled her self away, leaving him stuck in an endless loop of his thoughts trying to sort out how he really felt about her.  Did this whole thing make him sick because he wanted her for himself?  "Yeah that one... I don't think I like that one."

[Kenzie Renner]

Kenzie held onto Brayden tightly, not wanting to risk that literally letting go of him meant metaphorically as well. But hadn't he done that already? He'd turned his back on everything that she thought they were the moment he slept with Brooke. He'd put everything at stake. On the surface it seemed like such a ridiculous thing to be upset about. But it was the idea behind it, the fact that there was a big moment in his life and he didn't choose her. He didn't want her. So, she moved on. They weren't what she thought they were. He didn't see her the same way or want the same future. Friends it was. She could do that. Her parents had always taught her she didn't deserve second place when it came to love anyway. For the first time in their lives, Brayden placed something, and someone, above her. It was a combination of jealousy and what she felt like was betrayal all rolled into one. What she thought they were, that relationship in her mind had died. Instead, she was focusing her energy on this newfound friendship she was exploring with him. Her entire life she'd grown up defining Brayden as her everything. Now, she was working on defining him as her friend. She took in a deep breath, pulling herself back to the moment she was in, looking up at Brayden as he agreed that the dress was wrong. " Yeah," she said, taking a step back and placing her hands on her hips.

Kenzie moved away, looking back through the dresses. It seemed like she most likely wasn't going to find one today. She wanted one like the lace beauty that kept drawing her in, but she knew Daniel would find it cheap instead of vintage and rustic. Oh, to hell with it. She wanted to at least try it on before she left. She picked it up carefully, almost fearful that it was so delicate and beautiful that it would wither in her fingers if she handled it wrong. She disappeared back into the dressing room as she took off the Daniel type dress and looked back at the dress hanging in front of her. It was the type of dress she had always envisioned herself wearing for Brayden at their wedding. They were grown up now, and they weren't getting married. But in her mind, she could still steal this moment to wear it for him. Kenzie put the dress on carefully before taking a moment to herself, shaking her hair out before coming back out to where Brayden was. " I won't get to wear it, so you don't really need to have an opinion," she said before looking at herself in the mirror.

[Brayden Shane Madden]

Brayden sat down after Kenzie had gone back to try on something else.  He felt sick, but numb.  His mind was racing but... also he felt his mind was empty.  It was like he was feeling so many new things and realizations that his mind just shut down.  He couldn't sit still so he got up and paced around the dresses.  He felt so stupid.  He felt like he was scrambling, back peddling, trying to find a way to remedy this.  But there wasn't a remedy, she was just already moving on without her.   Could he even put a stop to that?  Probably not.  Maybe?  Brayden felt like he couldn't breathe.  He had that feeling in the pit of his stomach that felt like he had just screwed up so bad that it was affecting the timeline of events in his life.  How had be fucked up so badly?  He might possible throw up.  Or punch something.  Or become comatose.  

Kenzie returned somewhere from the dressing rooms, Brayden looking out the front window of the bridal store, staring at cars like they were going to magically sprout Daniel in front of them and run him over and Brayden would wake up and realize this was all just a sick joke.  What kind of parents have kids at the same time and let them hang out every damn day and laugh and encourage them when they talk about falling in love and getting married? Their entire lives had been practically planned out.  And even as toddler they knew they wanted each other.  It was crazy.  But it was the real live truth.  Brayden heard her talking about how he wasn't allowed to have an opinion.  He turned around after taking a breath, looking at her in the dress with a blank face that went from blank to very blank to awe and adoration in a second flat.  She told him he wasn't allowed to have an opinion but as he gestured to her he discovered that his mouth apparently didn't think so either as he couldn't seem to form words.  She was devastatingly beautiful.  He'd been hit with a metaphorical truck carrying a load of bricks and the wind had been knocked out of him moments ago. People talked about the groom in a wedding seeing hsi bride for the first time in her gown and being blown away by the site of her, but whatever that was was child's play to the heap of emotions he was dealing with; admitting he was deeply in love with Kenzie and that he had been all his life, realizing he couldn't have her and it was his own fault, and seeing he in a dress that he knew she loved and it was perfect and she was perfect and this should have been the the moment he experienced at his own wedding, to her.  Brayden choked on his words when the bridal consultant piped in, "Well I'll say that one just knocked any other dress out of contention, your groom is speechless. Look at him looking at you." She smiled, just completely smitten with Brayden's adoration toward Kenzie and oblivious to the fact that Brayden was not her fiance.  "You.... that's, you're..... wow."  He felt his heart swell in a good way and then in a bad way, feeling like if he looked at her a second longer he was going to lose it.  He was torn; wanting her to be happy was the top priority in his life over literally everything, but would him speaking now make her happy or upset her?

[Kenzie Renner]

Kenzie stood in the dressing room as she stared back at the reflection in the mirror. How was it possible that she was marrying someone where she couldn’t wear the dress she wanted to in her own wedding? But the point of the matter was, she had to. A relationship with Brayden wasn’t in the cards. She had spent her whole life playing dress up, pretending to marry him, thwarting off other girls that she thought might be a threat. He was supposed to be someone that she shared everything with, that wanted all of her. He was supposed to be her happy ending. And then he slept with Brooke. In the grand scheme of things, did it matter? Maybe not to most people. But it had felt like such a betrayal in the trust that she had thought was between them. How dare he give something so personal like that to someone else. It was like the entire world as she knew it had been ripped from underneath her feet and turned upside down. Brayden Madden was not her Prince Charming, especially not when he was in someone else’s bed. So instead of pining over a fairy-tale turned tragedy, she decided to pick up what pieces she could. Daniel wasn’t a terrible choice. He had his flaws, but so did she. She wasn’t going to have Brayden, so she might as well settle for the next best thing.

When she stepped out, she noticed that he had moved toward the other end of the store. She looked over her shoulder at the attendant before moving to one of the hair clips that was stationed at the counter. She picked it up, slipping the delicate pearl and diamond clip into the side of her hair before looking in the mirror. She looked back at Brayden, realizing that he had finally seen the dress. “ I kind of like it,” she said, lifting her eyebrows slightly in embarrassment. As the attendant spoke, Kenzie looked over at her. “Oh, he’s not my fiancé.” she said flatly. But he did have a look, a look that she had been hoping to see all of her life. That’s when it hit her. She had waited all of her life to see that look. She had always known she cared about him, that he was who she wanted to be with. And he was just realizing this now? He was just now staring at her like she was beautiful? She clenched the back of her jaw slightly, before bringing her hand up to push her bangs from her face. “Isn’t it silly that I used to dress up in my mom’s dresses and try to marry you….. I was naïve enough to think that was so real back then,” she said, shrugging her shoulders slightly. She never dreamed someone else would get to see her in a wedding dress, if it wasn’t Brayden. But naïve nature tended to slip away as you grew older. But finally, the anger set back in. “ Why are you staring at me like that?” she questioned him.

[Brayden Shane Madden]

Of course she liked the dress, it was everything she had ever talked about in a wedding dress.  it was all lacy and vintage looking and like... delicate... all those adjectives she been throwing around while she perused pinterest and Brayden sat beside her eating cheetohs and watching the Walking Dead.  It really felt like a punch to the gut when she said he wasn't hr fiance.  It wasn't that she had corrected the attendant... it was the way she said it.  She said it like... there wasn't nothing there.  Not anymore.  Brayden was having a hard time mustering up any kind of response as she talked about their childhood, pretending to marry him.  Talking like she was like what, disgusted with her young self for ever having thought that?  Brayden was trying to form words into a sentence that would make sense but nothing was sounding right and the look on her face when she looked at him was making him sick inside.  Looking at her like what?  Why because she was beautiful, he wasn't allowed to think that?  "Like what exactly?  I'm not allowed to think you look beautiful in a dress anymore?  You're getting married, am I not allowed to look at you?"  He didn't know what words were coming out, they were pouring out in a panic.  "Are you really going to marry him?"  It was like the threat had become so real, he suddenly realized that she was probably going to go through with it.  To what, marry a guy who didn't call her when he said he would, and wasn't proud of her when he took her to red carpets, made her feel cheap when she wasn't dressed to his specifications, a man who talked down to her, like he was the man and she was just his arm candy?  

[Kenzie Renner]

Kenzie lift her eyebrows as he began to question her about whether or not he was even allowed to look at her now that she was getting married. Defensive was not something Brayden usually got, so it wasn’t something she was used to seeing on him. “ Excuse me?” she questioned back just as defensively when he asked if she was going to marry him. “ Yeah… Brayden… look around. We’re in a wedding dress shop, dude.” she said, throwing her arms out to the side slightly. She picked up the sides of her dress, moving closer toward him . Having an openly loud fight in a public setting wasn’t exactly something either of them relished, even if they didn’t mind being cuddly in public. No one liked fighting, it was uncomfortable. But if cuddling was uncomfortable for everyone else, at least they enjoyed it. “Brayden, what the hell is going on with you?” she asked in a slightly frantic whispered tone. Was he just now realizing that she was going to marry the guy who had put a ring on her finger? It hadn’t been just a prop, she had said yes. She was pretty sure Brayden had been there for all of the conversations and updates. Kenzie took in a deep breath, “ When you decided to turn your back on what made us so special… what did you think was going to happen?”

[Brayden Shane Madden]

Brayden wasn't sure he had ever been defensive with Kenzie a day in his life, not even when she had come down on him hard for everything with Brooke.  Now he had all these like, feelings he had to protect, he felt like her wearing a wedding dress in front of him and saying she was gonna marry someone else was like some kind of sick way girls hurt boys they don't actually care about.  "Yeah, I know, where we... are... and stuff." he added trying to just put things in perspective.  He very well could be acting very irrational right now.  Brayden felt frantic sort of, and also like he was swimming through jello when she asked what was going on with him.  "I- it's , you're..." It was like he forgot how to speak and the only things that were coming out were not Brayden approved.  He half wanted to scream at her, but also wanted to wrap her up in his arms and never, ever let go.  All the things she was saying sounded like it was coming to him from underwater, talking about him turning his back on them.  Had he done that?  Had he turned his back on a the only chance he had with her and not even knew he was doing it?  "You can not marry him."  It was the  only thing that made sense to him right now.

[Kenzie Renner]

“ I CAN’T marry him?” Kenzie questioned him, feeling her anger start to rise up in her. Now she was his? Now he could decide what he was going to do? ” You don’t get it, do you? I’m leaving ,….whatever it was that I wanted us to have, it clearly isn’t going to happen.” she said, trying her best to stop the tears that were coming. But at some point it was inevitable, they just poured out of her eyes. Kenzie brought a hand up to wipe some tears away while she took in shallow breath. “You can’t decide after placing something on a shelf for years that you finally want to play with it, just because someone else came along and picked it up,” she said, tensing her shoulders as she looked at him. “ Seventeen years… SEVENTEEN years, I wanted you to stand up and say that you wanted the same things I did. But you made a choice. And that’s fine. But I can’t walk around waiting for you to get a clue. Someone loves me, Brayden. Daniel isn’t perfect, but he loves me. And he doesn’t have to do soul searching to realize that he does. He wants to spend a life with me. He gets jealous when other men get my attention. He makes plans for a future, that involve both of us. He wants to call me his wife and not just because someone else might be getting a chance at it first,”

[Brayden Shane Madden]

Brayden couldn't stand to see her cry.  It was basically his life's work to make her tears go away, but now he was the reason she was crying and he was pretty sure he couldn't fix it with a popsicle and a kiss on the cheek.  "Seventeen years?  SEVENTEEN YEARS?  Are you hearing yourself?  Yes Kenzie, seventeen years, because we're seventeen.  That's it.  We are still only seventeen, so because I'm not some hot shot older guy who has his shit together because, sorry, I'm sort of still figuring myself out, because I'm a SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD, so that's a bad thing?  I'm fucking sorry, okay?  I'm sorry that I hurt you.  I know that.  I lose sleep over it every day, every time I think about it I hate myself more, is that what you want to hear?  I'm not just deciding this because someone else beat me to it, did it ever occur to you that I just have felt, for my entire life, that this was whatever normal was?  Maybe I should have been more vocal about it, but we sort of declared our love to each other back in our sandbox days Kenzie.  I'm sorry that it took me seventeen years to grow up and become an adult and understand what I'm feeling, and I'm sorry I waited until this really poorly chosen moment to bring it up, but yes, I hate the idea of you marrying him.  I have to stop myself from trying to 'fix' it because I understand it's not something to fix, it's a choice you made.  That's what I do, I spend my time thinking of how I can make your day better when he gets you down, so yes, get mad at me.  I'm jealous.  That guy never calls you when he says he will he isn't proud of you when he takes you places, he does not look at you like an equal and you know it.  you want to talk about being a toy on a shelf?  That's all you are to him.  He loves your family, and your name, he loves your status.  Shit, I'm sure he loves your body, I know he thinks you're beautiful, even when he's making you feel like trash, he can love all those things about you.  But he is never going to make you happy.  And yet he still got you.  Yeah, i'm jealous, is that what you wanted to hear?  I'm freaking out Kenzie, because I hurt in ways I don't really understand right now, and it's fucking weird, okay?  I don't like how I feel, I don't know how to make it better for the first time ever, and i'm freaking out.  I'm sorry that I don't have my life together with a career, I'm sorry that I haven't been able to sort out my feelings, I am trying to.  And I understand that you... are moving on.  But for like the hundredth time, I am just a million steps behind you, as always.  If you really want to marry him, okay.  I don't agree with it, but I screwed up.  I don't get a say, I got that.  Door shut, I got it."  Brayden ran a hand over his face, trying to choke back his feelings.  "Just because you shut the door on me, don't think for a second that I shut the door on you.  I still look out for you, I'm there when you need me because I want to be, I care about you more than you probably care about yourself, and don't tell me I'm not allowed to look at you any sort of way.  I'll always look at you some sort of way, so... just, I don't even know what I'm saying.  You're clouding my judgement."  It was hard talking to her when she was standing there wearing that dress.

[Kenzie Renner]

Honestly Brayden never talked this much about his feelings…ever. Mainly because she always understood how he felt. But in this moment, it was apparent that he did not believe she fully understood what was going on his brain. She tried to fight back the tears as she listened, because really, she shouldn’t make him feel bad for expressing his feelings. He rarely did and if they were going to stay best friends, it was important that he knew she took his feelings seriously instead of just casting them aside. He was allowed to be upset. It wasn’t her place to tell him he couldn’t be or that what he was feeling wasn’t real. He’d attacked her relationship with Daniel while also saying that he would be by her side because he cared about her more than himself. Kenzie took in a deep breath, finally clearing away some of the tears enough that she could talk coherently. Because unfortunately for Brayden, Kenzie wasn’t one of those people who could speak clearly during the middle of crying. “I already paid the caterer. So I am marrying him,” she said. But it was more than the caterer. It was the press, and the attention, the expectations. It would draw too much attention at this point not to marry him. Did she have a reason? No. Brayden still seemed confused and lost on his own feelings for her. She looked down at the dress she was wearing, since he had suggested she was distracting.

Kenzie picked up the sides of the dress, going back into the dressing room where she quickly changed back into her jeans and the ratty flannel from Brayden she had stolen. Each time she wanted to wear it, she’d made him wear it the day before so she could walk around smelling it. She stepped out of the dressing room, pushing the sleeves of his shirt up to her elbows as she came back out to him. “You can sit here and yell at me about how we are young and Brayden I get that, I really do. But you can’t imagine what it has been like. You’ve …. Gone through realizing, something, I don’t know.. whatever is going on in your head for the last couple of minutes. But I have literally been dealing with it for years. You can’t tell me you can understand what that is like. Minutes does not compare to years. And it is not your fault. And I feel sorry that you’re confused about how you feel right now, … but you don’t get to tell me that we’re young. Because you and I have always been in really mature when it comes to our relationship. Our immaturity has always taken place outside of each other. I mean we’re act immature in stupid things, but emotionally, we’ve always been 80.” Kenzie sniffled again, using the back of her hand to push away her tears. “ I know you think I’m never going to let this Brooke thing go, and I know that some day I will forgive you. But .. if you feel betrayed right now because I’m marrying Daniel.. then maybe you understand how betrayed I felt when you slept with her. These experiences that we were supposed to share together are…. “ she said, shaking her head, unable to finish her sentence. “You have to understand, if you feel that way… I know you think I am never going to let it go. But I’m marrying Daniel… and how long do you think it is going to take you to get over the fact that I’m his wife? How long is going to take you to look at me with out your heart literally shattering to pieces inside of your chest because the hope of what you thought would be just got snatched away and the worst part is… that I let it happen. That you let it happen…with Brooke.” she said, bawling ridiculously in the middle of the bridal shop. ” You say you’re going to be a friend and support me…. Are you going to be there? Are you going to be at the wedding?”