Post by Blake Emma Renner on May 5, 2015 18:50:16 GMT -5
From the moment she had woken up it felt like she was living in some sort of twisted dream. There were things she remembered, places, faces, but it seemed like there was so much to the puzzle that she wasn’t getting. Two daughters, apparently a successful music career,… and a husband. The husband. It was overwhelming at times, and even allowing herself to think too much about it right now was making her anxious. But Mackenzie was being so patient and kind, explaining that she needed to take it one moment at a time so it wouldn’t overpower her. When she had agreed to look at some of the music she’d done, she had been bombarded with people from a music label she had never even heard of who were asking her when she was going to get back in the studio, and if she was ready for tour. Forget the fact that she had memory loss, the standing situation was that she had also just given birth. She had seen Logan talking outside to them, and that was the last she had seen of them anyway. She tore herself away from her thoughts, looking over at Mackenzie who thankfully seemed to remain to be her best friend. When she unzipped the clothing bag, Blake’s eyes grew the size of saucers. “ Where is the rest of it….” she said, placing her hands on the side of the hospital bed before going over the clothing bag. She brought her fingertips to the material, before looking back down at her body. At least she had gone back to her apparent regular size. Laying in a hospital bed on an extremely limited calorie intake due to the whole being unconscious thing seemed to do wonders for new moms. “ I dress like this..?” she said in almost disbelief before turning to look at Mackenzie. “ Well,… your style simply evolved. It’s no big deal.. you look great. It’s just sort of what happened with time. Cosmopolitan website has a whole spread on the evolution of your style, we can look at it later if you want… You also wear red lipstick a lot,” she said, before holding up a tube of lipstick and offering her a slight smile. Blake blinked in almost disbelief before giving a quiet, dry laugh. “ Okay..” she said, giving a slight shake of her head.
After changing into the clothes, Blake stepped out, making a slight face. When did she learn how to walk in high heels? Fake it until you make it seemed to be the theme of what she was trying to accomplish. It seemed like there were a lot of people in her life who were counting on her getting better. She’d made a request that none of this would be public, so her fans wouldn’t know. Of course, Blake understood that meant that she needed to rehearse and memorize a lot of what had happened in her own life just so she could muster through an interview, and learn her own music. “ Okay. I’m ready.” she said, giving a nod. Logan still needed to sign her out. Apparently not being of sound mind meant she wasn’t technically her own guardian for the time being. She laced her fingers together nervously as she walked toward him at the counter. Blake opened her mouth to say something as he was signing papers, looking through them very carefully. That was weird, maybe he read a lot of papers at work because he seemed like he was trying to find something specific in there like a pro. She stood there with her mouth open, looking as idiotic as she could possibly imagine before she licked her lips and looked back at Mackenzie before focusing her gaze on Logan. “ Excuse me… I’m.. I’m sorry, um..” she said, biting the edge of her lip as she felt a nervous lump gather in her throat. It didn’t take long for the redness to start rising from her throat to her cheeks. “ I… I know you’re busy, I just.. “ Blake said smiled again, incapable of gathering her words around this man. “ Thank you,.. “ she said, giving a nod. Thank you for helping her, thank you for letting her go to their home by herself right now to just…absorb everything that was happening and look around. She dropped her arms, covering her stomach as she realized that there was a slight chance he might look at her, and what if he didn’t like what he saw? She took a slight step backward also, placing her left foot behind her right as she tried to diminish in appearance before his very eyes.
Blake sat back in the passenger seat of Mackenzie’s car, taking in a deep breath with her eyes closed. This was okay. This was okay. People go through worse things every day. It is not the worst thing in the world to wake up to a hot husband and two beautiful daughters. This was okay. Breathe. She exhaled slowly before opening her eyes and looked over at Mack, who had what had to be the most understanding expression on her face which transitioned into a small smile and a nod before she started the car. She cleared her throat before taking out her phone to look at the pictures of her daughters again. It was strange, honestly. Out of everything that she had found out about this life she was living, they’re the only ones who seemed…magnetic. She touched the screen of her phone, wishing she could remember what the sound of the little girls’ laugh sounded like. Her hair was wild and curly, just like her own had been. Blake did not have the memory of her, but her heart still ached as she looked at the photo. “ Oh I like this song…” Blake said, allowing the music to pull her from her thoughts yet again as she looked up. “….It is yours…” Mackenzie said, looking at Blake. There was a moment of Blake just staring into her eyes, before laughter filled the car.
When the car was parked outside of Logan’s home… her home too she supposed, Blake had gripped the tops of her knees so tightly that her knuckles were turning white. This was okay. I am okay, she reminded herself. “ Okay,” she said, unbuckling. “ Logan said he will be here in an hour,” Mackenzie said, smiling again. “ Call me if you need anything..okay?” she questioned. Blake gave a nod before stepping out of the car and shutting the door. She turned on her heels, looking back at the impressive house before drawing in a long breath and squaring her shoulders. Blake stepped into the house, looking around. The eerie silence that accompanied the house didn’t match the amount of life that seemed to be coming from the space. There was so much color, and she was fairly certain there was a tutu and a tiara in the corner. She narrowed her eyebrows, shutting the door behind herself before she moved further into the home.
Blake stepped into the living room, picking up a photo on top of the fireplace. Trapped inside these photoframes was a life that she so desperately wanted to be a part of. She tilt her head slightly, noticing that she was wearing a wedding gown, her arms wrapped around Logan. She looked so…happy. She didn’t even know the girl in this picture. Blake set it down carefully, almost feeling like she was intruding in someone else’s home. She looked at her fingertips, noticing them shaking slightly before she turned and looked at the rest of the living room. There was a stack of coloring books left on the table, next to a broken crayon. She took in a deep breath, again reminding herself to breathe as she moved throughout the rooms.
The kitchen was spectacular. She didn’t think she had seen so many beautiful appliances put together on even the greatest cooking shows. But it seemed like if there was something she needed, she had it. There was a calendar left on the fridge, markings of birthdays for people she didn’t remember. She narrowed her eyebrows, looking at a scratching of her writing that listed she was supposed to make blueberry cobbler for Shane on Saturday. She made a face. The same Shane from the hospital? Why would she make him cobbler. “ Cobbler…” she said quietly in disbelief. “Hm,” she muttered to herself, thinking that she needed to add going to the farmers market for fresh blueberries to her list for the weekend. Wait, did they have farmer’s markets in Manhattan? Where did she buy groceries… Blake brought her hands up to her face, rubbing it slightly before she stepped away from the kitchen. She looked at the staircase before taking one last look downstairs. She made her way up the stairs, settling into Kenzie’s room.
Blake kneeled down in the middle of the room, holding onto a stuffed teddy bear that she had picked up from the tiny little bed. She looked around, wishing that she could remember anything in her mind about this little girl when her heart seemed to remember everything about her. She stood up finally, looking at some of the pictures on the wall. All that mattered was the little girl looked happy, genuinely happy. She had one of the brightest smiles that Blake had ever seen in her entire life, and it felt as though it honestly lit up the entire room. She smiled slowly, looking at the family in the small picture frame. Blake set the teddy bear down, moving over to where a tiny little play guitar was tucked in the corner. Blake’s smile grew as she picked it up, seeing how well it could actually play. “ Okay,” Blake said quietly to herself with a shake in her voice. Too much of this room for right now, since she felt like she was about to have a break down. Blake pushed her hair behind her ear, turning the light off in the tiny little room.
Blake looked at the doorframe of the last bedroom. It was hard to imagine that she shared a bedroom with Logan. But he had seemed so standoffish, maybe they didn’t spend much time in here. She reached for the door handle before stepping inside, taking a look around before she entered fully. She stared at the bed, almost mortified. Both of her daughters were his, clearly they had slept together at least twice minimum. Blake tore her eyes away from the bed, looking at a few other things in the room. There was a dog, who was just sleeping in a bed in the corner, not even making a move. Clearly he had missed her. It was so peaceful in here, calming almost. It had a sense that it could feel like home. She looked at his things on top of the dresser, a tie that had been thrown carelessly, a watch that was set next to her jewelry. Blake picked up Logan’s watch, looking at it carefully as though simply touching it may break it. She set it back down cautiously, deciding to look at a few of her own things. It was clear she had a passion for beautiful earrings. Blake opened the top drawer, her eyes widening at the amount of lace that she saw. “Oh my god,” Blake said, holding something up by the straps with a look of horror and disbelief on her face. She looked over her shoulder, hearing someone enter the room, which startled her. “ Oh my god,” she said a little louder, dropping it. “ That’s not mine,” she said to Logan who was standing in the entryway. “ I mean… it’s mine…” she said, adding on an ‘obviously’ look. “ But I’ve never even had …the ..sex. I … you’re.. What are you doing here?” she said before closing her eyes. “ You live here. I.. know that,” she said, giving an uncomfortable laugh. “Um..” she said, feeling her heart racing in her chest. She looked away from his eyes, feeling that ever so familiar tickle of butterflies flooding in her stomach. Maybe if he was eating, she wouldn’t have to look at him, and feel this butterflies. But she knew that was unlikely. “… Are you hungry? The kitchen downstairs is…perfect. I can make you something. I’ll make you something....Do I cook for you?” she questioned before she moved past him to head downstairs.
