[libby] it's time

[Bentley Douglas Wright]

The film crews had just recently started up again with the reality show that focused on Bentley and some of his friends; Libby specifically. So after a bullshit week, he’d convinced Libby to finally go out and spend some time with friends. She needed it, and it seemed like whatever life she was going to have after Joel.. like she was finally able to start figuring out whatever it was going to be. But for now they were back at his place, and he was letting her raid his fridge while he took a shower. After stepping out, he ran his hand over his wet hair, shaking it out the best he could. Pulling on a pair of boxers and some basketball shorts on quickly he came back out. The scars from his shark attack were more visible this way, clearly, without a shirt on. One peeked out from under his basketball shorts, curing over his hip. Another moved front of his chest to underneath his arm. Libby never seemed comfortable with them, but maybe she had enough alcohol tonight that it wouldn’t be too noticeable. They were still red, almost raw looking, as they attempted to heal. But he’d gotten somewhat of a clear from his doctor about going back out into the water. Which was perfect timing, since there was a competition coming up in a week. He hadn’t told anyone he was going to participate yet, so he was hopeful that his fans would be excited at the announcement.

Bentley’s chest was still wet as he rubbed the palm of his hand against his collar bone, making his way into the kitchen. Whatever Libby had concocted out of the few ingredients in his kitchen smelled frikkin’ amazing. “Score,” he said quietly, reaching from behind her to take a piece of whatever she was eating. Bentley turned on his heel, opening the fridge door so that he could take out a few more beers for them. Just because they were home from the party didn’t mean that they had to stop having some drinks. Plus, it looked like one of the cameramen had stocked some of Libby’s favorite beer in there for her. Just because they had come back to work, didn’t mean those guys didn’t care a whole hell lot about Libby. They had all become friends over the past months. “Present from Carl,” he said, smiling as he offered her one of the beers.

[Liberty J Madison]

Libby had dropped her coat and her bag somewhere near the door, hellbent on finding something to cook for Bentley. He was always hungry when they came home from drinking. He had random things around, a typical guy's fridge. It would have been dire if it weren't for the fact that Bentley ate well to stay in shape so at least she was able to find some random veggies and some chicken. And the truth of the matter was that ever since Joel, Libby had all but moved back in with Bentley. They were still calling it "Bentley's place", but it had been Bentley's and Libby's once upon a time, before she married Joel. And she knew her way around this kitchen better than anyone. She knew where she had things stashed that Bentley probably never looked at twice. She found a package of rice noodles in the back of the cupboard, throwing together a decent attempt at cheater pad thai. She shifted her weight in her heels, knowing the second she took them off she was going to want to lay down. It'd been a while since she'd been out. When she did go out she could hardly escape the paparazzi and it was all she could do not to read tabloids. She didn't want to read what they were saying about Joel. They simply didn't understand, and they never would.

There were a small handful of people that really understood Joel, but there was an understanding that she had had with him, and she didn't owe it to anyone to explain herself. She was devastated without him, disappointed that it had come to this. But she understood him. There was an unsettling thought she never shared with anyone, that he wouldn't have gone if he didn't think she would be okay without him. And sure, she could be angry with him. Maybe for a little while she was. But after the dust settled she knew it was never about her. There were demons in him she could never heal, and that was the truth she lived with. And somewhere deep down he had asked himself if she was going to be okay. He must have had faith that she would. So she tried, for him, because he would have wanted her to. She got up in the mornings. She combed her hair, got dressed, fed herself. She smiled at people and tried to live her life that she was still blessed with, harboring all the wonderful memories of him that she was lucky enough to keep. She knew what people were saying about her. Either that she was still in shock and that it would hit her later, or that she wasn't all that upset about him. They were saying she moved on with her life awfully fast. But they didn't really know what life they lived behind closed doors. The public didn't know the struggles Joel lived with the way Libby did, the Joel she woke to, the Joel she watched contemplating every detail, unable to move forward. They didn't know the pain she felt with being unable to heal him. No one knew the small amount of relief she felt that in a twisted way, he was finally able to exhale. It was something she had to keep to herself to keep from looking careless and cold. She cared, more than anyone. So much so that she was able to let him go. It was at the end that she knew. Libby looked into her husband's eyes and realized his wheels had stopped turning. He was no longer lost in endless thoughts, but eerily calm. Was he going to leave her? But when had it ever been about her? It hadn't been. She couldn't bring herself to argue with him, to try and convince him not to. Would that have just made him feel worse? She'd smiled at him and told him she loved him, making her way to work that morning while she held back the sobs that threatened to wrack through her body. while Libby spent that time consumed with worry, she couldn't hover over him minute after minute. She checked in on him, waited for a text, anything at all. She jumped every time her phone rang. Eventually the call she dreaded came through. And it occurred to her that something in herself had been praying it wouldn't come, but that she had sort of been expecting it. It wasn't all that surprising, to be honest.

Even so, it had been so many months now. She still spent so many of her solitary moments wondering what she could have done differently. Could she have changed his mind? Asking 'what if?' didn't get her anywhere but heartache. And life as she knew it was returning to a daily routine. She had returned to Taboo TV, which was somewhat of a relief. Reporting on other people's successes and lives took her mind off her own damaged life. Bentley's reality show had resumed filming and that provided such a sense of normalcy that she actually smiled relief at the sight of the camera and production crew. They'd been around for every part of her time with Joel, even every detail that didn't make it into people's living rooms. Bentley had returned from his shower, smelling like soap as he reached around to pluck a piece of chicken from the pan. "You better be hungry," she said joked knowing full well that he was, plating some of it for herself and the rest went on a plate for Bentley. Libby brought the plates to the table and sat down, looking away from his uncovered body at the fridge. What irony it was, the one thing in the world that most terrified her almost stole him away from her too. It made her stomach turn over, but those scars were a reminder that no matter how close she came to losing him, she hadn't. He hadn't gone anywhere. Given her a heart attack, yes, but left her he had not. In a backwards way those scars reminded her to count what blessings she still had. "Carl, my man, you know me," she said though Carl wasn't even present. She grabbed the beer he'd given her and took a drink. Going out tonight had been fun. She drank, she danced, she laughed. She had fun. She felt lighter for the first time in a while. People had been normal jackass people and she had ignored them. The one thing she couldn't care less about was what tabloids were saying about her and Bentley. They'd always written about the pair of them for years, that wasn't a new development. It'd been a while since she'd drank this much as well. She drank a little at first after everything with Joel but after some time she just gave it up for a while. It didn't erase anything. But tonight was different, it was so nice to just let her hair down, so to speak. "Tonight was fun, every night should be like this," she said wistfully, eating her food.


Outfit

[Bentley Douglas Wright]

Bentley settled at the table, unable to stop himself from grinning at the version of chicken pad thai that was in front of him. The plate was jam packed, but it didn’t take long for him to finish it of its’ entirety. In fact, by the time that Libby was sitting down herself, he had just put the last spoonful into his mouth and was enjoying the deliciousness of it. He smiled at Libby as she took a drink of her beer. As much as he didn’t want to feel like things were ‘getting back to normal’, that’s what it felt like. Not that it would ever be normal again. A new normal. He pushed his plate to the side, stretching his legs out underneath the table. His muscles were always so tight from training, it was like he could never truly relax. “Every night should be like this,” he echoed in agreement with her. He kept his eyes locked on her, watching the way her hair fell perfectly over her face whenever she looked down at her food. She really was beautiful, every part of her. She was even beautiful in ways he hadn’t considered up until a few months ago. It was this slow moving thing, the way that he realized he was starting to look at her differently. There was a slight buzz running through his system and honestly.. when was the last time he did anything for himself? He reached up, brushing her hair away from her eyes before his thumb paused on the side of her face. He let out a slight breath, waiting for her eyes to look up at him before he moved across his chair. No more thinking, no more second guessing everything. Just doing. Bentley slid both of his hands into the side of his hair, pulling her toward him as he kissed her.

[Liberty J Madison]

"Don't laugh at my cooking," she said tiredly with a small smile. It couldn't have been too bad because he was eating it and apparently enjoying it because it was already nearly gone. That was the thing about Bentley she loved, he ate whatever random things she cooked, dealt with every stupid TV show she felt like watching, put up with her on a wim shopping detours into stores that were less than interesting to him. Bentley didn't mind the trivial things, because they actually had enough time together for it to be trivial. There was never moments that felt like it would end too soon. She never started thinking about the next time she would get to see him before he was even gone. She just knew there'd be more times like this that were comfortable and calm. She was always at home with Bentley. When she needed to go out, she could call him, when she wanted a quiet night in watching Netflix, he was there. If she got a wild hair to go somewhere new he always extended an open invitation to wherever he was off to. She always knew where she stood with him. She knew if he was around, that was when Libby could exhale. Because he had always been there for everything. Libby washed her food down with another sip of beer, letting out a breath as she felt his hand brush away her hair. For a moment she thought maybe there was something in her hair that he was just getting out, (he did that sometimes), but when his hand stopped to rest on her face she stopped what she was doing and turned to face him with a look of curiosity. What was it? But he was so close to her, closing the space between their lips before she could comprehend what was coming next. It had been such a long time since anyone had kissed her, and it felt so nice. For a moment she enjoyed it, leaning into him, before her mind started working out what was going on. This was Bentley, her... Bentley. Libby pulled away from him, staring at him for a little bit before a smile crept onto her face. She couldn't quite blame it on the alcohol. She was already thinking about kissing him again. Why was that? What about... well it wasn't as if she was exactly married anymore. But... maybe she shouldn't overthink it. "What was that?" she questioned quietly, searching his eyes for something that would tell her what he was thinking about. But he was still so close, her thoughts kept returning to the idea of just not thinking and kissing Bentley again.

[Bentley Douglas Wright]

The moment he pressed his lips against hers he knew that he had gambled everything. Libby wasn’t just some friend that he had made in recent years. She’d been with him through everything. Sure, she had been with Joel. But to him he always felt like she was on the side stage, or waiting at the airport for him when he got home. When Joel was off in other cities trying to make something of himself, Bentley was using the water right off the shore. Libby came to every single one of his competitions. She knew when he was in the water by his own body movements, better than anyone else, when something was wrong or when he wasn’t going to accomplish something, and on the other end of the coin.. she knew better than anyone when he was physically going to accomplish something as well. She knew him. She wasn’t a part of his “support” team. She was his team. She was right alongside his mother and father, his fans knew her by name. She was a part of his success, not just watching it on tv. So to him, he had always felt like he and Libby shared something. There had been one moment in time during their friendship where he thought perhaps he might feel something for her; but he had come to this revelation just a few days before he found out that Libby and Joel had slept together. And that was that. He couldn’t compete with Joel, not with the way Libby’s eyes lit up every time Joel came back to town. And he knew he had to do what the right thing to do was, step aside. And honestly, it wasn’t that hard. Sure, he loved Libby. But he always had. Nothing changed, he kept being best friends with her and honestly as long as she was happy, he was happy. So seeing her happy with Joel really and genuinely made him happy. But then there was another side to her relationship with Joel. The one where he watched her so calm on the surface, but in her eyes he could see it. She was scrambling to save someone who was already lost. And then, with time, there came an acceptance in her. Joel wasn’t going to be saved by anyone. He had made a choice, and one that he believed Libby would be able to move on from or else he wouldn’t have done it. But he had seen a bond form in the family around him unlike anything he had ever seen. Two sons from the same family taking their own lives because they felt they couldn’t live up to their expectations. It was hard being around his parents, it was devastating being around Madeline and Libby. The only thing Bentley knew to do, was just to be there for Libby the same way he always had. Just be there. He wasn’t entirely sure he had even accepted the fact that Joel wasn’t here anymore. How could he have time to try and sort things out for himself, when he needed to be the rock for people around him.. but Libby.. the media, how they were with her was brutal. They criticized her, stating that she didn’t seem to mourn enough. Like that was anyone’s damn business in the first place. But Libby knew the Joel that his fans and the media didn’t. She’d been mourning for a long time before it even happened. He swallowed hard, clenching his jaw as she questioned him about what he had just done. His eyebrows knit together as he looked over the features of her face. She didn’t seem angry. Bewildered. She seemed bewildered. But she wasn’t moving away from him either. This was a lot being thrown at her. Bentley’s hand was still tucked into the side of her hair, and he watched her for a moment longer, speaking as he traced his thumb against the side of her jaw. “… I think it was right,” he said simply. Five words. Five words which really didn’t seem like it might be saying much at all. But he thought it was right. It was right for them to start to move on. It was right that she know that she was wanted. It was right that they do this, that Joel would want them to be happy. It was right to want to kiss here again. It was right.

[Liberty J Madison]

Well. Bentley would never do anything unless he thought it was right. And usually he was right about things being right. Because he thought about things. He took things into consideration. He wouldn't have kissed her if he hadn't already had the thought on his mind. She wondered how long he'd been even considering it. Part of her mind was so torn because... it was so soon. Or it felt like it was soon, to be moving on. But it was Bentley and that was different. And besides it was just one kiss, that was hardly moving on. It was just a kiss. He was just maybe... testing the waters. And the water seemed... really inviting. Like a 98 degree day with 100% humidity, and there's a cool pool in front of you. There was a natural desire to jump in, because it... felt right. Instincts take over and tell your brain to dive right in, because it's the right thing to do, it's natural. That's what this felt like. They were still sitting so close together, like almost soaking each other in trying to decipher how it felt and what should happen next. But to Libby she felt like SHE was exhaling for once. Like she'd been holding her breath since Joel died, unable to have any feelings for anything other than what there was for Joel. But one day she would have to acknowledge that there one be another guy in her life. And it be an okay thing. Libby nodded in agreement. She thought... maybe it was right. "Okay." So maybe now they just... see where things went. If Bentley had feelings for her, and she wasn't at all repulsed by him kissing her so she obviously maybe sort of also had feelings for him... they should see where it goes. That wasn't something she had explored before now. Because there had always been Joel. But exploring the idea of Bentley felt... well, right. Libby understood that Bentley put a lot on the line kissing her. And what she did right now determined what road they were headed down. If she dismissed it as nothing, they could move on having at least given it a chance. Libby place her hands on either side of his face, looking at him. Oh, Bentley. He was the most solid thing in her life, putting little ripples in her pond. He must have had a lot of patience, sitting on the sidelines all this time. But then she knew that, he dealt with her daily; she knew he was very patient. So when she leaned in to kiss him again, she was choosing a path. Because if he could put himself out there, so could she. She could jump back in. She had her uncertainties, but as she pressed her lips back on his she didn't feel all that uncertain about it in the moment.

[Bentley Douglas Wright]

The thing about kissing Libby is that it was new and exciting, but at the same time it felt like he had done it a thousand times before. The little intimacy that came along with kissing someone, he'd felt it in tiny little moments. Moments where he had carried her to her bedroom so she could fall asleep. Moments where she had been crying and he just sat and held her, letting her for once hate the world that she so easily found the beauty in on a normal basis. He'd already allowed himself to be intimate with her in a way that he constantly tried to find a way to make her happy, whatever it took. He let her see the deepest and darkest sides of him, which really were far and few between when she was around because she got lighter as everything else got darker. And now.. her poor little beautiful mind most be racing a thousand miles a minute. He searched in her eyes, knowing that whatever was going on behind them was with thoughtful consideration. Libby wasn't like most girls who would just make out with him because of who he was. It was pretty much the opposite. Because of who he was to her, it made things that much more complicated. And more simple at the same time. But as she placed both of her hands on his cheek, he reached his right hand up, holding the outside of her left wrist. The last thing he wanted to do was complicate things for her. If he ruined their friendship, who would she turn to on the nights when she needed someone? But before she leaned in to kiss him, a slow smile passed his lips as she leaned closer, meeting her lips against his. Bentley relaxed his shoulders, pulling her closer toward himself as he deepened the kiss. There wasn't really any going back now; she knew where he stood. And it seemed like she was at least willing to give him, this, a chance. But what did any of that mean? It wasn't like they were starting on page 1 of their relationship. They already cared about each other so much that it wasn't like he could just treat this as some sort of fling. And she sure as hell wasn't a friends with benefits type of girl, she was too amazing for that. Bentley pulled away slightly, tracing his thumb against the side of her jawine as he pressed his forehead against hers, looking down as his jaw clenched. "I've been wanting to do that for so long," he said, almost guiltily into the silence. But taking in a deep breath he sat up, looking at her. Sweet, beautiful Libby. " I didn't... mean to spring this on you," he said, clearing his throat slightly. "I mean, I've had a couple of drinks, I get that. But I don't want you to think that I'm doing this on a whim. I ...really,really...care about you, Libby. Seeing you like this is... it's killing me." he said, licking the corner of his lips. "After my accident, I could tell how worried you were. I can tell how worried you still are when I say I'm going to a competition now. I don't want to lose any part of you because I'm being selfish," he admitted, looking back up into her eyes which were so effortlessly beautiful.

[Liberty J Madison]

As soon as it happened, the sooner it was over. But for the few moments she let herself get lost in kissing Bentley, again, it was something sort of magical in a way. She never felt more at home than she was here in this apartment, and she thought it was just because it had been home for so long. But maybe it was just Bentley that felt like that, which she hadn't ever considered. And after thinking that, it made her smile a little, because it felt really normal sitting here with him, foreheads pressed together. It also made her frown a little, hearing the tiny bit of guilt in his voice when he told her how long he had waited to do that. Had she done that? Made him wait? She didn't like the idea of being the thing causing him turmoil, she only ever wanted him to be happy. But she understood the feeling guilty part; she felt it too. They weren't doing anything wrong... she wondered how long he had been thinking about her. A while? Years? She was afraid to ask. If seeing her like this was killing him, she couldn't begin to explain how she felt about him not... feeling anything. And it was funny now, thinking about it, how much they both cared for the other; how much be hated seeing her sad, how she worried about him not confronting anything at all. But one thing she felt certain about now, listening to Bentley try to explain himself; they needed each other. They always had but now she was starting to see just how much. They had always heavily leaned on each other. She could see that clearly now. And for everything they had been through, maybe they deserved a little more. "Bentley..." she said, thinking about it, "I think... we deserve to be a little selfish, maybe." She offered him a small smile, "You have to get back in the water eventually. I'll be okay." She figured it was a similar feeling to letting your teenager drive on their own after getting their license. You just had to have faith or something. She wouldn't keep him from surfing. IT didn't make her less nervous or anything, but she would be okay. In all areas. She sighed, "So..." what now? Libby finally kicked her shoes off. She was home.