Post by Madeline Lea O'Neil on Jan 6, 2016 14:30:43 GMT -5
Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and not recognized yourself? That’s what the last few months had been like for Madeline. The moment that Hayley was born it was like everything in her life changed. Obviously, for the better. But it was the little things. She felt like Ryan and herself had lost their identities. That was the hardest part of all of it, honestly. She knew that she had this new identifier to Hayley as of September 11. Had her identifier to Ryan changed? She didn’t feel beautiful anymore. She used to feel beautiful simply by the way he looked at her. Now all she felt was tired, and like she constantly need a shower. All. The. Time. She looked up at the tired reflection in the mirror, unsure of how she was supposed to make herself presentable, make herself stop crying. Joel was gone. It was something she hadn’t accepted for herself, yet. She still wasn’t over David, and here was Joel..forcing her hand to face something that she wasn’t ready to yet. She’d leaned on him for so much throughout their short time together before he decided to end his pain. Now she had her own family. And she was terrified of the dangers out in the world that she couldn’t protect Hayley from.
Madeline opened the bathroom door as she heard Hayley crying. But Felicia was up quickly, “I’ll get her! She’s my beautiful niece,” she said excitedly as she went to get Hayley who was stirring. Madeline pressed her forehead against the door, listening to everything that was going on, on the other side of the door. Her father was giving advice to Ryan about the cough that Hayley seemed to be having. “Not a lot of bourbon, just a little bit.” he said, explaining how much to put in her bottle. “Darling!” her mother called out, “Oh, darling, he’s just joking. Don’t put bourbon in the bottle. What you need is warm honey. I have a recipe for a cough cure all, let me go find it,” she said before making her way toward the kitchen. “I’m not kidding,” her father said before grunting and taking another sip of his scotch.
Christmas music filled their home, laughter, happiness. Madeline shut the door, locking it firmly. That wasn’t welcome here. She took a few steps back before she hit her back against the wall and slid down. Rosie would be here soon. Rosie was the only one who Madeline was being completely open and honest with. Which really wasn’t fair, considering she was also getting the same sad story from Libby. People as happy as Rosie didn’t deserve to be burdened with sadness. Life wasn’t always like this for Madeline. She was always the one who saw the silver lining, who found the positive in situations, and found a way to be bright and shiny. It’s what made her and Rosie such good friends; Rosie had the same disposition. But how was she expected to find light when everything around her felt so dark?
Madeline sniffled, resting her chin on her knee as she heard his laughter. It was nice to hear Ryan laugh, to know that even through everything that was going on, he was able to find joy and happiness. He had seen his share of heartache, too. But that is when it clicked for Madeline. She always saw the best in all of situations because she had chosen to. All she needed to do now was make the conscious effort to be happy. Because life was not giving her cards in life right now that were going to make that automatically happen. She had to choose. Yes, she had lost a lot. But if she focused on the positives, maybe she could start celebrating life again. It was Hayley’s first Christmas. She didn’t want to not remember it because she was by herself in a bathroom the whole day. Madeline wiped the tears away from her face, putting her hands on her knees before she stood up. She’d already taken a quick shower, so all she really needed to do was her hair and get dressed. Lately all she had been wearing had been jeans and one of Ryan’s t-shirts. That had been her wardrobe for the last 105 days since Hayley had been born. She took in a deep breath, giving a nod before starting to push all of the tears away and plugged in her curling iron.
After curling her hair, doing her makeup, and putting on a dress for the first time in almost four months, Madeline stepped out to join everyone, looking at Ryan anxiously as she gave him a nervous smile. She took her eyes away from him, looking at everything else that was going on as well. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had eaten something without Ryan basically forcing her to. She pushed her hair from her face, thanking her mother for working so hard on everything before she picked up a small plate, setting a variety of finger foods on the plate before she managed to get the strength to go over to Ryan. She smiled at him quickly before looking down at the plate, tapping her thumb against the side of it. “Merry Christmas,” she said quietly.
Outfit
Madeline opened the bathroom door as she heard Hayley crying. But Felicia was up quickly, “I’ll get her! She’s my beautiful niece,” she said excitedly as she went to get Hayley who was stirring. Madeline pressed her forehead against the door, listening to everything that was going on, on the other side of the door. Her father was giving advice to Ryan about the cough that Hayley seemed to be having. “Not a lot of bourbon, just a little bit.” he said, explaining how much to put in her bottle. “Darling!” her mother called out, “Oh, darling, he’s just joking. Don’t put bourbon in the bottle. What you need is warm honey. I have a recipe for a cough cure all, let me go find it,” she said before making her way toward the kitchen. “I’m not kidding,” her father said before grunting and taking another sip of his scotch.
Christmas music filled their home, laughter, happiness. Madeline shut the door, locking it firmly. That wasn’t welcome here. She took a few steps back before she hit her back against the wall and slid down. Rosie would be here soon. Rosie was the only one who Madeline was being completely open and honest with. Which really wasn’t fair, considering she was also getting the same sad story from Libby. People as happy as Rosie didn’t deserve to be burdened with sadness. Life wasn’t always like this for Madeline. She was always the one who saw the silver lining, who found the positive in situations, and found a way to be bright and shiny. It’s what made her and Rosie such good friends; Rosie had the same disposition. But how was she expected to find light when everything around her felt so dark?
Madeline sniffled, resting her chin on her knee as she heard his laughter. It was nice to hear Ryan laugh, to know that even through everything that was going on, he was able to find joy and happiness. He had seen his share of heartache, too. But that is when it clicked for Madeline. She always saw the best in all of situations because she had chosen to. All she needed to do now was make the conscious effort to be happy. Because life was not giving her cards in life right now that were going to make that automatically happen. She had to choose. Yes, she had lost a lot. But if she focused on the positives, maybe she could start celebrating life again. It was Hayley’s first Christmas. She didn’t want to not remember it because she was by herself in a bathroom the whole day. Madeline wiped the tears away from her face, putting her hands on her knees before she stood up. She’d already taken a quick shower, so all she really needed to do was her hair and get dressed. Lately all she had been wearing had been jeans and one of Ryan’s t-shirts. That had been her wardrobe for the last 105 days since Hayley had been born. She took in a deep breath, giving a nod before starting to push all of the tears away and plugged in her curling iron.
After curling her hair, doing her makeup, and putting on a dress for the first time in almost four months, Madeline stepped out to join everyone, looking at Ryan anxiously as she gave him a nervous smile. She took her eyes away from him, looking at everything else that was going on as well. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had eaten something without Ryan basically forcing her to. She pushed her hair from her face, thanking her mother for working so hard on everything before she picked up a small plate, setting a variety of finger foods on the plate before she managed to get the strength to go over to Ryan. She smiled at him quickly before looking down at the plate, tapping her thumb against the side of it. “Merry Christmas,” she said quietly.
Outfit
