[Shane]Two Kids, Stupid And Fearless

[Claire Jayne Madden]

Dated For October 11, 2011.

Claire reached her arms back as she took her jacket off and discarded it onto the bar counter. It was getting way too hot to keep wearing that damn thing around. Just as quickly as the cool air from being near the bar’s cooler came into contact with her, Zack’s warm body was sliding next to her as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. ‘ Heyyy Claire Bear’ he said with a cheesy grin across his features as he nodded towards the bartender to get another drink. Claire laughed quietly under her breath before she turned to look at Zack. He seemed to really loosen up around women when he’d had a few drinks. He still seemed oblivious to the ones that were hitting on him and shut them down at every turn, but he was at least better at talking . Claire watched as the bartender handed him his beer and then turned to look back at Zack. “ Is that a good idea?”. Zack chuckled and brought the glass to his lips, taking a quick drink. ‘ Just catching up with you and Shane. But you’re little. Maybe you should slow down. You’re not even supposed to be in here’ he said, lifting his eyebrow at her as a warning. Claire made a confused face before she shook her head. “ Neither are you or Shane, neither of you are twenty-one,” she said, trying to gesture the same eyebrow lift towards him. ‘ Yeah but… we sort of live under different rules. As unfair as it is. But it seems like you can, too with your new wardrobe.” he said before he laughed at her and took his arm away from her shoulder. “ Is it that bad?” she questioned looked at him. Zack shook his head, trying to form his opinion without it sounding rude. “ No, I think it conveys what you’re trying to get across. But I do miss the old Claire,”. Claire sighed out of annoyance, “ Why do people keep saying that? I haven’t changed I’m just… a lot of stuff has been going on. I wasn’t happy the way things were, so why would I keep living my life the same way and expect anything different? If you want change, you have to be change,” she said , looking back at Zack. Zack tapped his hand back against the counter. ‘ Can you get the lady a shot please? Thanks’ he said before he turned and looked back at her. ‘ I’m glad you came out tonight, and that you put down your sword from fighting with Shane for his birthday. But why are you fighting him exactly?” he said, turning his side to lean against the bar. ’ Look.. I understand that you’re young, and some things didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to. You thought no one took you seriously, kind of felt in the shadows? You’ve got pretty important people in your life. I don’t know Natalia, but I bet if you had spoken to her she would’ve been there for you in a second. That’s what best friends are for. You think you ruined a friendship between Anthony and Ethan? They’re still roommates right? Then they’re fine. You didn’t mess that up. And what about that Steven guy? Stefan? Something. One of your closest friends, right? And you probably just stopped talking to him, didn’t explain what’s been going on in your head. Which I know is true, because even Shane doesn’t have a damn clue. But if this guy was a good friend of yours, I think he’d want to be there for you, too. So you’re going through a rough patch… don’t shut people out. I don’t think you’re changing. I think you’re pretending. I think there’s still the same Claire on the inside. I just think you’re trying too hard to find what you expect happiness to be. If you were honestly changing, and there wasn’t some part of you in there, Shane wouldn’t waste his time being friends with you." Zack smiled as he turned to look back at Claire, though she was staring at him with her mouth slightly open.


“ Zack I don’t think I’ve heard you talk that much in our entire time of being friends,” Claire said, reaching her hand up to place it against Zack’s forehead and see if he was sick. “ Haha yeah I’ve hit my quota.” Zack said as he picked the shot up for Claire from the bar and held it out to her, ‘ Just so you know… when you do decide to quit hiding behind this charade, your real friends will be waiting for you with open arms. Until then I guess we can all just sit back and enjoy. Shane never passes up a good show,” he winked before he leaned down and hugged her, leaving her with her shot at the bar. Claire looked down at the shot in her hands and took in a deep breath. Last one and then she was heading back to the hotel. She already felt like she wouldn’t be able to walk in a straight line out of the bar. Her mind flashed back to a few days before when Ethan had convinced her to come out and see Shane. Ethan and Shane had met during a show in New York a few years back, where they’d partied together afterwards and ever since then they’d kept in touch with each other. Apparently they were good enough friends for Ethan to think it was a good idea for Claire to go see Shane on his birthday, but not good enough friends for Ethan to leave work with Natalia in order to do it himself. At least, that was Claire’s argument. Ethan had just scoffed at her, told her to get over herself and go spend Shane’s birthday with him so he’d have a little taste of home. Thankfully she’d been able to get out of school for a few days, and as much as she hated to admit it, she did listen to Ethan a lot of the time. Plus, she wouldn’t be here if a little part of her didn’t want to be. She hadn’t said anything to Ethan, or anyone, but after what happened to her friend back home about a week ago, she didn’t want anything else but to spend time with Shane. Or even Dalton. Claire tossed the shot back before she set the glass on the counter. She left her jacket on the bar, going on her way to find Shane in the club. It was sort of disgusting how many women hit on him when he went out to places, all because he was in a band.

Claire hadn’t given Shane his birthday present, in fact it was still in her suitcase all wrapped up in its box and waiting to be opened. Technically, two boxes. But one of the presents was just an accessory to the primary present. “ Shane!” she called out, pushing her way through a few people to reach him. “ Jesus,” she muttered under her breath, not realizing how prominent her accent was after she’d had a few drinks. Or a dozen. “ Hey,” she said as she finally reached him. “ I haven’t given you your present yet,” she said, moving her hair off of her neck. It really was ridiculously hot in there. Plus, walking around in her heels was starting to be a lot more challenging than it should. Men had it so easy. It wasn’t the length of time she’d been wearing heels, it was probably the Jack Daniels that had done it to her. “ When you’re done adding yet another blacked out night to your resume, you can get it. Real impressive, Shane” she said, trying to bite back how bitchy she was being to him. She shook her head slightly. “ Sorry. Birthday truce. Whatever” she said, running her hand through her bangs and shaking her hair out. “ I’m out,” she said, giving a small wave before she turned on her heel and made her way out of the bar, nodding at Zack as she passed him and stepped outside. The air felt so much better out here, and she would go back into the club to get her jacket, but that would require going back into the hot stickiness of the club. This air felt so much better. Claire sighed before she looked out on the streets, thankful that cabs seemed to frequent the downtown area, knowing people would need a ride after a night out at the bar.

Claire didn’t even need to lift her hand all the way in the air before a cab pulled up to the curb next to her and stopped. She walked over to the drivers side of the cab, holding her hands on the roof of the car. “ Do you know what my hotel is?” she questioned, now realizing she probably should have had Zack hail her a cab and give the details to the cab driver. Seriously, where the hell was she staying tonight. And why had she drank so much. Claire closed one eye as she scrunched her nose and tried to think of where she was staying. “ Shit,” she muttered under her breath. How many hotels could there even be.. wherever they were. At this point, anywhere besides this bar sounded good. But she couldn’t just ride around in a cab all night. That was bound to get expensive. Maybe she should call Dalton, he might know where she was staying. If anything, he could sure as hell figure it out a lot quicker than she could if he needed to. “ Okay… if you had to say what the nicest hotel in town is, what would it be? Cause that’s probably where I am… cause Renner wouldn’t.. you don’t know Renner,.. nevermind” she said, tapping her hands against the top of the cab before she stepped back away from it, trying to find her phone so she could call Logan. Right, Jacket. Claire smiled at the cab driver awkwardly and tapped her heel against the pavement. How the hell did she always find herself in these predicaments. Natalia would never be in this situation. One, she never drank. Two, she could just ask paparazzi where she was staying. Dalton and Ethan would never be in this situation. Anthony probably wouldn’t worry about where he was staying, and would just go to some girls place. Stefan would rather stay in with Hillary. But nope. Here was Claire. Making yet another dumb decision, that landed her ass outside of a club, confused, and now without her jacket, officially cold.

Outfit
Theme

[Shane Alexander Madden]

Shane stood in the crowded dance floor, caught in between a group of female fans who had followed him and the guys to the bar after the show. It was cool their fans were so dedicated, but there was a point when he wanted to chill with fans and a point when he just wanted to hang with the guys and the crew. And it was this birthday, he wanted to hang out with people who knew him. He had been completely surprised that Claire had come out for his birthday. He knew he'd upset her by not sticking up for her with Keira, but at the same time, Claire knew him well enough to know he liked to keep his stuff private. And watching two girls argue in a public chat room wasn't exactly exciting for him. He just wanted Claire to know she was important to him and nothing Keira said had, or would, change his mind about Claire. He just hadn't realized the reason Claire had been to upset was because she had more feelings for him then she had let on. And now that Shane knew, he understood. And it made him wonder if he'd been hiding feelings for her too, and decided, he guessed he was. He was sorry she had realized her feelings for him before he did, she hadn't even given him a chance to tell her he felt the same. Now he wasn't sure he'd ever get he chance to tell her. She was always pissed at him or yelling at him. But even so, he was sure the Claire he knew was still in there. This new Claire, this wasn't her.

Shane looked past the groupies, trying to see where Claire was. Even though she'd been a bitch to him lately, she was still here. And he wanted to hang out with her. Maybe she wanted a truce. One of the girls standing near him smiled, "Shane, its so awful that you can't play guitar with that cast one, but you are so brave. Surgery and all? You're such a good guy." Shane raised his eyebrows, he wasn't sure how it made him a good guy, but whatever. "Yeah, it sucks. Hopefully I get it off soon." He was getting tired of the questions. "Shane, what do you want for your birthday?" He shrugged, "I don't really want anything..." even if he did he wasn't going to tell these girls. "I can give you a birthday present Shane." He shook his head, "I'm sure you could." God, sometimes fans could be so impersonal. They didn't know him at all, just saw him as some celebrity. They didn't really look at him like a person. Got kind of annoying sometimes. That's why he was glad Claire was here. She didn't treat him like just a guy in a band. Speaking of Claire, she had found her way to him, which he was relieved to see her, but once she had spoke he got a taste of her mood. Half and half. She had a birthday present for him but she was being a bitch about him drinking. Whatever. It was weird, as much as he hated her attitude, he had to admit it didn't make him like her any less. He still liked her. And he guessed her hadn't realized what he had until he lost it. But he figured, he hadn't lost it yet. Sure he had a lot of damage control to do,but he kept telling himself he could handle it. He thought. Claire had said she was going back to her hotel, but he could tell she was drunk. And being that they were in Detroit, he didn't really think it was a good idea for her to go by herself. He could just make sure she got there and all. He followed her out of the crowd, ignoring the girls who were yelling at him to stay. He stopped by the bar to tell Zack he was going, "Hey, Claire is going back to the hotel, I just want to make sure he gets back okay. I'll catch up with you guys later." He grabbed Claire's jacket off the bar, figuring she forgot it and headed outside where he saw Claire standing near a taxi and was probably trying to remember where she was going. He walked up beside her, handing her her jacket, "Here, you're probably freezing," and then told the cab driver where to go. "Okay, let's go. You thought I was gonna let you go by yourself?" he laughed. He slid into the car beside her and shut the door, resting his stupid cast in his lap. "You know, I am glad you came out."

[Claire Jayne Madden]

Claire crossed her arms, glaring at the cab driver as though it was his fault she had no idea where she was going. Just as she opened her mouth to yell at something he had nothing to do with, she felt her jacket being put back around her shoulders and turned enough to see that it was Shane. “…..Thanks” she said, not able to come with a smart ass retort at the moment. Claire turned back to the cab driver as Shane told him where to go. She put her hand up as she spoke. “ To my own hotel room. This isn’t a she’s drunk, he’s drunk situation. So don’t give me that snooty look.” she said before she turned away from him and climbed into the back of the cab where she put her jacket on properly instead of letting it just drape over her shoulders. Claire brought her fingers to her hair where she shook it out slightly to give it some more volume. She crossed her legs quickly after adjusting the hem of her dress so that it covered a bit more of her leg and bounced her foot lazily as she turned to look at Shane when he said she was glad she came out. “ Well..” she said, offering a small shrug of her shoulder. “ Beats calculus and European history,” she said before turning her head to look back out the window. She was still sort of mad at Shane for not sticking up for her. Wanting privacy or not, how hard would it have been for him to tell Keira to just knock it off. Claire had been in there talking about how great he was, and his actions didn’t really back up her words. But whatever, that was the past. The only reason she would care was if she still had feelings for him. And she definitely didn’t, so.. there was no point. After the cab stopped she opened the door and stepped onto the pavement quickly, looking up at the hotel. “ … Buildings were so much prettier in France,” she said tiredly before she looked back down at the door and gave a small frown. It had been her own fault that she’d left, and she hadn’t told anyone the real reason as to why yet. Whatever, she was home now. That’s what mattered. Claire smiled as she looked at Shane over her shoulder. “ I don’t remember where I was, but I remember it was the top floor… cause Logan kicks butt” she said, pulling the hotel room key card out of her jacket pocket. On second thought, she could have looked in there to find out what hotel she was in. “ Damn,” she said to herself. Being a detective was absolutely not in her future.

“ Come on, Shane” she said, going inside the building and heading to the elevator. “ You can go back to the sluts and flood of fans after you get your birthday present,” she said, rolling her eyes as she pushed the button for the elevator. Claire puffed out her cheeks as she leaned against the wall inside the elevator and held her hand over her stomach. “ I need to learn that I can’t keep up with you and Zack. You guys are big. I am little,” she said, lifting her head off of the wall to look at Shane. She stared at him for a moment until the doors opened and she looked down the hallway. “ Ah shit,” she said, not remembering what room she was in. Claire looked down at the card key in her hand. Of course it was blank. Claire held up one finger to Shane, gesturing for him to hang on until she went up to a few doors and tried to use her key. After a few unsuccessful attempts she finally was able to turn the door handle. “ Yay success” she said, pushing the door open and flipping the lock quickly so that the door wouldn’t shut and Shane could come in on his own.

Claire tore her jacket off quickly, followed by stepping out of her high heels. “ Okay,…” she mumbled to herself, going over to her suitcase where she fumbled with opening it before taking out the wrapped box, and the now slightly squished bag. The box was wrapped now, but before she had wrapped the iPad she had placed a few things on it. Digital pictures of the artwork she had scanned, put on her computer, and then loaded onto the iPad, from what she’d drawn in France, the first cd she’d bought from All Time Low was loaded on it, and she’d bought every single app there was to give him a portable studio. In the bag was the booklet that would let his iPad slide into one side, and would fit his journal into the other. “ Sit,” she said, sitting down on the bed where she patted her hand against the edge of it. Claire set the presents down, crossing her legs as she turned her body to face Shane. “Look, I know I’m a bitch lately… and you don’t want to believe it, but there’s a reason to it. And I’m not saying it’s going to change, it’s just…” Claire bit the inside of her lip, trying to figure out how she was going to explain everything to him. “ Anyways, my friend Casey obviously didn’t think he had anyone to talk to about his problems and he sort of…handled it the only way he knew how. I can’t even imagine how his family is sort of um…” she said, trying to figure out how to explain everything that had happened over the past week. “ What I’m trying to say is.. I’m a bitch. To you. And I know it.. I have a heart, I swear I do… just not necessarily with you sometimes. But I’m always here, to talk. If you need to. I couldn’t stomach seeing the same thing happen to you,” Claire avoided looking at him in the eyes before she took in a deep breath and smiled, pushing that subject aside. “ But the point of tonight is it’s your birthday,…so yay…” she said, before pushing the presents slightly towards him.

[Shane Alexander Madden]

Shane looked at her in the cab while she looked out the window, saying being out here was better then being in school anyways. Shane nodded, "That's true I guess." He looked down at his lap and his cast, absentmindedly picking at loose pieces and looking at all the gouges where he'd jokingly tried to saw the cast off himself. He couldn't wait to get it off. Granted, their tour manager had been cool about stepping in and playing Shane's guitar parts and Shane just sung, but it was so weird. And he pretty much hated it. When they'd finally gotten to the hotel he followed her out of the car, hearing her comment about the buildings in France. He didn't know why she had decided to leave, he had thought she had really liked it there. But he also didn't feel like he was in the position anymore to ask her that stuff. She'd probably just tell him to mind his own business or something. He stayed silent. He realized he'd messed her up, and she might not share things with him like she used to. But that was just something he'd have to deal with. He shrugged when she told him he could go back to his fans after she gave him his birthday gift, "Nah, I really could care less about fans tonight. They're just fans after all, they don't really know me anyways..." It was hard to explain not wanting to see people who had supported your career from day one without even knowing you. He knew he should be grateful, and want to hang out with them. But he just didn't want to share his birthday with slutty girls who just wanted to hang out with him because he was Shane Madden.

Once in the elevator, he checked out all the buttons, listening to Claire talk about being drunk. "Claire you should know that by now, you've hung out with us for long enough." he laughed. Claire always drank more then she should when she was with them. She just couldn't keep up with them when she was that size. It was kind of funny sometimes. He tried not to laugh at her when she couldn't remember what room was hers, but followed her in anyways, shutting the door behind himself. He sat down beside her, letting her talk, but froze when he realized what he thought she was telling him. Like five different emotions washed over him. Her friend had killed himself? Maybe it was a friend in Australia. He remembered how he'd felt after his brother Brayden had killed himself. He'd been shocked, and pissed off and angry, and devastated, but mostly pissed. And lost. And kind of helpless. And overwhelmingly pissed off. He understood how Claire must be feeling. And he understood too, when she changed the subject, handing him the gift. Shane almost never talked about his brother. Hell, he NEVER did. He couldn't remember ever talking about it out loud. The few people that knew, Logan, Ryan, probably Felicia and Lance... they'd all found out just because his mom had told their moms. Shane hadn't told anyone. He hadn't even wanted to admit it was real. He looked at Claire, shaking the thoughts from his head since he probably looked like he'd just zoned out, but took the gift in his hands and unwrapped it with his free hand, holding it down with his other one. He looked at the iPad in the nice case and the apps. "Claire..." he looked through the programs, finding the apps for recording. He could record anything he wanted, no matter where he was. Kind of like a dream come true for Shane who constantly had about five songs being written in his head at all times. He looked at her, unable to find what he wanted to say. It was like, after all she'd said to him in the past few weeks, she still came. She still gave him a gift thoughtful enough to remind him that she knew him. And the Claire he knew was still around. "This is... incredible. I can't even... look at this..." he started messing with an app, checking out the different stuff, showing her things she probably put on there herself. He looked back at her and smiled softly, "Thank you. This is really... thank you."

[Claire Jayne Madden]

Claire pushed some of her hair behind her ear before she placed her hands over her knee, wrapping her fingers tightly around one another as she watched Shane open the present. She grinned skeptically when he tore the wrapping paper off and was able to get into the iPad and turn it on. “ You like it?” she questioned, looking at him as more a hopeful friend than a promising enemy. But maybe that’s what Shane had become to her; her favorite enemy and her most hated friend. She laughed quietly as he showed her all of the applications. “ Good, they didn’t change since I last put them on there.” she teased, nudging her elbow against his side. “ Anyways, it has wifi. I signed a two year agreement for it, but that’s already paid for too so you don’t have to worry about it. So you can send your work to any studio whenever you want. Or go on the internet.. send some e-mails. Little bit of video chat..” she said, stopping herself from rambling. She really wished she’d had one while she was in France. She thought for a moment about showing him where her drawings for him were on the iPad, but figured she’d let him stumble across that on his own. “ Okay, cripple” she said, smacking her hand against Shane’s knee as she stood up. “ You might not want to get back to the fans, but you should get back to Zack. And I should call Dalton to let him know I’m alive,” she teased as she looked down at him sitting on the edge of the bed.

It was so strange to hate him and care about him at the same time; though she knew she didn’t really hate him, moreso she hated the situation and how she kept putting herself in the same exact one time after time. It wasn’t his fault, it was hers. She should’ve known better. Claire felt her hair fall down over her shoulder from looking down at Shane for so long, but she couldn’t feel herself moving away from him anytime soon. “ Well, I doubt you are going to get a good one from Zack, so you might as well get your birthday kiss,” she said before she leaned down and placed her lips against his. She was going to leave it at that, walk away, shut the door behind him, see him in the morning. That had been her plan once she decided to do this. She kept her lips against his for just a fraction of a second longer before her body actively decided to take an alternative plan. Claire reached her hands up and held them tightly against his jaw, clinging her fingers against the back of his neck and into the messiness of his hair. She opened her lips enough to bite against the edge of his bottom lip where she could taste the lingering sweetness of the last drink he’d had at the bar. She could feel her body moving closer to him before something inside of her caused her to freeze and realize what she was doing. She moved her hands away from him quickly, straightening herself as she took about three steps away from him in one stride. “ Well then..” she said, licking her lips as she placed her hands on her hips. “ ….Okay… Happy birthday,” she said, grabbing some things from her suitcase before she went into the bathroom and shut the door, dropping her iPod and pajamas onto the counter.

Claire turned towards the door, hitting her forehead against it quietly as she cursed to herself underneath her breath. That was a way to let a guy know you were over him. Great way to show that you were capable of just being friends with him, happy birthday let me lick your face off. “ Awesome,” she said, mumbling to herself under her breath. Claire put her hair up in a ponytail before placing her iPod in the dock and pressing shuffle. She reached to the back of the dress before she pulled it down over her hips and stepped out of it, changing into a t-shirt and pair of pajama shorts. After quickly getting her toothbrush and toothpaste ready, she paced the bathroom floor as she brushed her teeth. “Maybe he’s too drunk to remember” she mumbled to herself, trying to find an argument for any reason why he would just look past how she had kissed him. “ And it’s his birthday,” she argued, as though that gave her the green light to kiss him. Claire leaned down over the sink to rinse her mouth out before she took her face wash out of her make up bag and started washing off her make up, except her mascara. For some reason she always left that on until the mornings and then washed that off separately. Claire stared down at the cold water running into the sink, tapping her fingers against the counter as she had her hands placed firmly against it. She was antsy, the way she was tapping her foot up and down against the floor, and her hands against the counter. Claire reached down, splashing some of the water into her face in hopes that the coolness of it would make her come to her senses, to make sense of what had just happened. Though her face might have been cleaner, she wasn’t finding any of the answers she looked for. After an irritated sigh, she dried her face off and reached her hand up to her ponytail. After taking it out, she shook her hair back out to get the curls back before she shut the light off in the bathroom, leaving the music on.

Now all she needed before she went to bed was to call Dalton. Claire ran her hand over her face, opening the door to the bathroom as she tried to remember where she had put her phone last. Was it in her luggage or in her jacket pocket? Maybe she could use the hotels phone. But what was Dalton’s number? Who memorized numbers anymore? After she dropped her hand, she froze again as she saw Shane still in her hotel room. “ Shane..” she said slightly caught off guard. But of course she had wanted him to stay. She’d wanted him to stay the first night at her apartment. She wanted him to stay when he came home from breaking his arm. “ You’re still here” she said as a statement. If there was a reason, he’d tell her. Maybe he wanted to yell at her for what she’d done. But he really needed to get going to see Zack and Jack, Rian. The band would probably wonder where he was. Claire stood still, wondering if she should go shut her music off or not so he could talk to her, if that was why he stayed. She could hear Maroon 5 coming from the bathroom but kept her eyes focused on Shane. If she needed to come back with a smart ass comment then she needed to stay focused on that. It already put him in a position of power over her that she brought him a gift, came out to see him. She'd put the ball in his court again and it was something she knew she'd kick herself for later.

[Shane Alexander Madden]

Shane looked at the gift she had given him, still finding it hard to believe she could really hate him. It was like, what did he really do wrong? He knew she was pissed about the Keira thing but how long could sh be mad about that really? It was something else, he knew it. He knew it when she'd been so concerned when he broke his arm, he knew it when she had offered to come over when he got home. He wasn't going to sit there in denial any more. It kind of gave him a little bit of hope that she'd gt over this maybe. Maybe sooner then he thought. If she was more mad that she liked him and thought he didn't like her, then that could possibly be an easy fix. He just had to know if she still felt that way. She rambled off various thing he could do with wifi, and he nodded, placing the iPad to the side. She was right, maybe he should get back to the guys at least. "Well, thank you. I do love this, this is, completely awesome." He sighed, looking at her. She had said he needed a birthday kiss, but before he could even protest or agree, she had leaned down and kissed him. He didn't know what he should do. If she was just kissing him yo give him a birthday kiss, then she was just in a particularly forgiving mood? That could change. But it was as if she went through a mental change of plans and deepened the kiss, which he hadn't been expecting at all. He knew it. He knew she couldn't possible have just shut her feelings off. It didn't work like that. And what on earth had come over him? A month ago Claire was just his really good friend, and now just with the knowledge that she might have more feelings for him it was like it had made him question himself, forced him to admit he liked her too. And he realized, as she was kissing him, that he must really like her because he wanted to kiss her back. But no sooner had she kissed him she was pretty much saying goodbye and left the room to go change.

He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. Was he supposed to get up and let himself out? Because he really didn't want to. Here was this girl who liked him, she had to, and she'd come all the way out here for his birthday, and she'd gotten him this amazing gift, and she'd kissed hm, and he liked her, he realized all too late, and the big reason why he thought she was being such a bitch to him was just to protect herself from getting hurt again, which was exactly what Mack had said, curse her and her weird way of analyzing people. And he figured, if he walked out of that room, it would just be another reason for her to hate him, another reason why they would never work. She had put herself out there, put the ball in his court. Coming out here was risking getting hurt, again. If he was gonna go and figure out he liked her he wasn't gonna just walk out. He had to do something right. She deserved that at least. Granted she hadn't been honest with him, but neither had he. So why not be honest with each other now? He stayed seated, thinking he could entertain himself with his iPad while he waited but he really just couldn't focus. When she'd kissed it kind of left him... not breathing. That had to be the most cliche statement, taking his breath away. But when she had shut the bathroom door he found himself letting out a big breath he'd been holding. What on earth was she doing to him? One minute she was treating him like shit, the next she was going and leaving him breathless. He looked up when she came back in, clearly shocked that he was still in her hotel room. He stood up, walking over to her. He was still drunk. Maybe he was making the dumbest decision ever. No, he'd been told his dumbest decision was playing football in a parking lot. He stopped right in front of her, unable to explain himself, "I... knew it." What he was referring to, was he knew she could not have possibly just shut off her feelings for him, and clearly she still liked him. But instead of explaining himself, he moved his good hand to her face, slipping his fingers into her hair, placing his fingertips of his crippled arm lightly at her waist, since he couldn't imagine touching her with his hand would matter since it was covered in cast anyways. Stupid cast. He leaned down toward her, kissing her softly. He knew it. He knew he hadn't imagined it, there was something there. At least he thought so. He thought about all those times he had almost kissed Claire, and convinced himself he was just swept up in the moment. He was such an idiot. All those times, if he'd have just kissed her... he might have known sooner that he had real feelings for her. But, late as it was, he knew now. And maybe things could be different. Maybe they could just both be on the same page for once. He pulled away, looking at her questioningly, wondering if that was okay he did that, hoping she had felt it too.

[Claire Jayne Madden]

Claire held her breath as she stood in front of Shane, trying to find anything to keep her focused on having a scathing retort for him. What could she possibly attack that she hadn’t attacked already before. It was getting to the point where he had heard all of her insults and now she was just putting them on repeat. But with the music, and the way he was moving towards her, it was all making her lose focus and leaving her confused. Claire narrowed her eyebrows at him as he said that he knew it. Knew what, exactly? But she lost focus again as he slipped his fingers into the side of her hair and placed his fingertips on her waist. When she had kissed him she could have played it off as a meaningless birthday kiss. But this, what he was doing, was completely intentional. How was she supposed to protect her heart if she couldn’t lie to it. She caught her breath before he kissed her, leaving a trail of goosebumps across her arms as she reached her hands back up to his body, placing one on his chest and the other around his neck. It was sort of strange how all of this was so new, but at the same time so comfortable and familiar. When he pulled away and looked at her she used it as an opportunity to try and catch her breath, and her thoughts. She realized what he had meant when he said he knew it, of course he did. She hadn’t really put up a very good armor. “ Shut up, Shane” she said leaning back forward to kiss him again. It was one thing to be getting involved with him like this, it was completely another for her to verbally confirm his suspicions. It gave him way too much power over the situation.

Claire lowered her hand to unzip Shane’s hoodie, pushing it off over his shoulders. When it reached his cast she lowered her hand to gently tug the fabric of his hoodie over the cast and pulled it enough to slide off of his arm. “You are drunk” she said before she smiled against his lips. She pulled Shane’s shirt off quickly, pushing it over his shoulders and all of the fabric onto his arm with the cast before she pulled it over his cast in the same manner she had taken off his hoodie. They had almost kissed so many times before, stopping themselves and brushing it off. And she had no idea that once they had kissed, she would find herself wanting this much more. Then again, that could be the alcohol but she had a feeling it was just a catalyst. She would have just found a reason to stop before, but that seemed pointless at this point. He knew it, she knew it. Claire backed away from him, only for long enough to sit against the bed, where she pulled Shane by the belt loop of his jeans so that he was leaning over her. She looked over at his arm with the cast to make sure he wouldn’t have too much pressure on it. “….Sorry..” she said before flipping him over so that she was sitting over his hips. Claire leaned down to kiss him again, gripping her fingers against his the button of his jeans where she loosened them and did her best to slide them over his hips. For giving him control of what happened between them, she sort of felt like she was doing a lot of the work herself. Then again, Shane could probably deal with heartache a little bit better than she could. She knew she need to protect herself, but she couldn’t help but have little moments of opening herself up to him. In order to protect herself, she had to put walls up. She had to love herself more than she loved at him, but it was coming to a point in the road where that seemed impossible.

[Shane Alexander Madden]

So he'd been right. She'd definitely kissed him back, and she'd given him a short comment which just proved he had been right. He grinned all the same though, kissing her again and letting her take his hoodie off which was funny in itself. He knew how much of a pain it was to maneuver clothes around that thing, and it didn't help that he couldn't unbend his elbow. Even so, aside from the fact that she had to get everything off over his cast, that fact that she was taking everything off was more than he had anticipated and could only make him wonder just where this was heading. He had a good idea where this was heading. In general, it had been a while since he'd had sex with anyone, so as a twenty year old guy that was as good a thing as any. But the fact that she was Claire kind of made the reason he'd waited so long worth it. he had told him self he wouldn't just go and sleep with anyone. And he hadn't. And Claire wasn't just anyone. He obviously cared about her. So didn't that just make this all the more better? Yeah probably. She'd made a comment as she attempted to take his shirt off, that he was drunk. But eh scoffed, laughing, "You're more drunk than I am." But she managed to get his shirt off, pulling him the bed. He hadn't even thought about his cast making things difficult and now realized it could prove to be a bit of a hassle. But he figured that was something they'd just have to work around. Why let a cast stop them? That was laughable. But she pushed him over, sitting across his hips and unbuttoned his pants. She meant business.

He took his arm that wasn't a pain in the ass and slipped her shirt up over her head like a pro. Pshh, he could do things one handed. He could drive with one hand. He could ride a bike with one hand. He could type on his phone with one hand. Surely he could take off someone's shirt with one hand. And her bra. And whatever else. He let her bra drop beside her shirt on the ground, pulling her against him and kissed her again, feeling the warmth of her skin against his.

[Claire Jayne Madden]

Claire laughed with her lips against the skin of his neck as he said that she was drunk. “ Yeah, but not that drunk” she said, before she leaned back away to look at him. She searched for a voice of reason, something to tell her that this was a bad idea. But there was nothing, nothing telling her that this was wrong or what she shouldn’t be doing. But while she was debating in her head, she felt Shane’s fingertips from his good hand sliding under the fabric of her shirt and quickly pulling it off and tossing it to the side. She smirked as she looked down at him, finding it slightly amusing that he had probably done that so often that he could literally do it now one-handed. Instead of focusing on his promiscuous past she leaned back down to kiss him as he maneuvered the same skill with her bra. She felt more comfortable feeling her bare skin against his, than she ever had in any pair of pajamas, dress, ballet uniform, anything. Claire rested her forehead against Shane’s , trying to catch her breath as she held her hands loosely around his boxers. There was one more move, and they entered the point of no return. Right now they could completely walk away. Pretend it didn’t happen, brush it off like the almost kisses that hadn’t happened. All she had to do was get up, put her shirt back on, wish him a happy birthday and ask him to leave. All she had to do was get up, and she didn’t have to worry about handing her heart over to him and have him break her heart all over.

It didn’t matter, the choice had already been made for her. If he was going to break her heart, he’d be able to do it whether they slept together or not. Claire pulled her forehead away from his before she leaned down and kissed him again eagerly, pulling the last remaining article of clothing between them away. A lot of people had drunken hook ups, but Claire honest to God felt like each movement of their bodies was sobering her up, at least enough to understand everything she was feeling; emotionally and physically. She’d been using her body to express art since she first put on a pair of ballet slippers. But the way Shane seemed to connect with her body, match the same rhythm, fit perfectly against her own, it was like he had opened her to a whole new world of art, of ways to use her body for artistic pleasure. But it didn’t even feel like her own, it was like he’d unlocked some way to control her, each time his hand touched her skin, her body instinctively arched towards it, just wanting to have a closer bond to his fingertips. Claire moved her hands away from his waist and brought them back to his jawline, kissing him as she pressed herself closer to him .

Claire knew she could look at the clock, but even if she did she wouldn’t know how long she had been laying in that bed with Shane, curled up with nothing but a blanket around her body and the other end of it spread over Shane’s waist. She was still trying to catch her breath before she turned her head on her pillow to look at him. “ Definitely in the top three,” she said sarcastically before she laughed at him and sat up on her elbow, holding the blanket securely over herself. She didn’t know where this left them, how she would act towards him when they were both in New York, but honestly there was no reason to be mean to him tonight. If she was going to be a bitch again, it could wait until New York. “Happy birthday, Madden,” she said quietly before she kissed him again, as though it was the most natural and normal thing in the world. Claire held onto the sheet before she stood up, shutting the blinds so that the lights of the city didn’t reach all the way up to their villa. She looked over her shoulder and smiled as she walked out of the room, going to get him something to drink. When she returned with a bottle of water she set it on the nightstand nearest Shane before she crawled back into bed. He knew as well as anyone that when she closed her eyes, she could sleep through an earthquake. If he wanted to get up and leave, go back to partying, she wouldn’t blame him. It was his birthday after all. He’d picked her up countless times and put her in bed, so he knew he could move her around if he needed to and she’d still stay out like a light. Claire curled up to Shane’s side, moving his good arm out of the way so that she could be even closer to his skin, laying her head against his chest as she wrapped the blanket around both of them. She closed her eyes, listening to the beat of his heart through his chest. She didn’t know when they would get back to doing things the way they normally did now, but right now could last forever for as long as she was with him.

[Shane Alexander Madden]

To say that Shane was satisfied was, although true, it was also an understatement. He hadn't realized how different he'd feel until after it was already done. But while he lay there beside Claire he thought to himself that it was a good different. What was up with them anyways? Apparently that was all it took, all the smack back to reality that he needed in order to realize what he'd been denying for some time now. How long had he had feelings for Claire and not acknowledged it? He didn't know. He didn't know when it had started. Just that it had, at some point, some time back. They had spent so much time almost admitting stuff, almost sharing moments, almost becoming something, but never actually doing anything about it. They both had their reasons. But now all reasons seemed invalid. To Shane, from this point forward she could be as mean as she wanted. He was pretty sure he'd know the truth. So they liked each other. And yeah, so she was seventeen. But what was he, thirty? He was just as much a kid as she was. It seemed people forgot that when so many of them in their group of friends lived such adult lives, being married and having babies. Shane figured there was plenty of time for that when it came, but right now he also thought it was okay to just be young. Like all his friends, Riley had a kid, Logan was going to be a dad, Chad and Sam were, or had been, trying. It made Shane think sometimes if it were him in that situation. In all honesty, he kinda thought he could handle it. Hell, if they could, so could he. He could support a kid, he was somewhat responsible. Mentally he could handle it. Emotionally he knew he'd be okay. But since he wasn't, he figured being a kid was fine for now. He wasn't in a rush, nor was he opposed to anything. He kinda felt like he was in this state of his life where he was ready for anything, like he could handle whatever life threw at him. So he figured he'd take it one day at a time. Maybe he sounded cocky, but he felt like he had more guts. Maybe that was it.

Either way, he didn't regret what he'd done with Claire. She was someone who had kinda danced her way into his life and made a place for herself. And he pretty much liked having her there. He didn't know where they went from here. If she was going to be his friend again, as in, was going to be nice to him. Or if this was a one night thing. But he also didn't want to figure it out right this second. Laying here with her was perfect. She rolled over and looked at him, saying he was in the top three. He laughed, "Well gosh, I am honored." he joked, knowing he was in the top three because he was number three. Just knowing that reminded himself just how well he did know Claire. He kissed her back when she leaned over and kissed him, telling him happy birthday. And what a birthday it had ended up being. He rubbed his hands over his face tiredly. He didn't even want to look at the clock. But he felt her crawl back to bed in the darkness, his eyes adjusting to the room since she'd closed the blinds. Shane wrapped his good arm around her securely against his chest, running his hand gently across her hair. In a lot of ways, he didn't think he ever wanted to leave this room. He didn't know what they'd be going back to when they left. He kissed the top of her head, closing his eyes. He could fall asleep right here.


The next morning Shane woke up, having hardly moved at all since he fell asleep last night. Claire was sleeping like a rock per usual. Nothing new. He thought back to last night, remembering. He sighed. It couldn't last forever. They'd have to leave this room eventually. He'd have to get back to tour, she'd have to go back to New York. Back to reality. He glanced down at Claire almost not wanting to wake her up. Why shouldn't she get to dream a little more, stay a little longer? Plus waking her up always proved to be a bit of a task. He kissed the top of her head, hoping maybe she would stir, rubbing her back.

[Claire Jayne Madden]

Claire narrowed her eyebrows as Shane kissed her head, offering a small groan. Waking up was the worst. Seriously. Who would ever want to get out of something so comfy? Especially when she was sharing it with Shane. The sheets almost made her as comfortable as he did. “ Nooooo….” she sighed, not wanting to wake up. But especially not today; not when it meant that last night was officially over. She struggled with herself for a moment, before she smiled to herself faintly, thinking of how Shane had kissed her head like it was natural. She opened her eyes slowly and stretched out her legs as she tightened her arm around his body. “ Good morning,” she said, waking easier than she normally did for him. Usually she only did that when someone had a shower running for her. The blinds were shut but there was still streams of light coming into the room. She had to go back to New York. Back to pretending with what..everyone? She denied anything was wrong when people asked her. She pretended to be a complete bitch to Shane. Hell, the only person she’d been honest with the entire time had been Dalton. Claire rubbed her fingers against her eyes, already irritated that the day had started. She was always in a foul mood. Until she had a shower. Or until she.. well, she wasn’t going to use Shane for that.

Claire held the sheets against her body as she sat up, running her hand over her face tiredly before she looked over at the time. They still had a while before either of them needed to be anywhere. “ .. I am going to order us breakfast, and take a shower. You should probably check in with the guys. If you check your phone I’m sure you have about fifty missed calls,”. Claire turned to get off the bed, but mid-turn she leaned back over and gave him a quick kiss before she climbed off. Claire picked up the phone while walking to the desk in the corner which had the menu for downstairs. After dialing the number she held the phone to her ear and coughed, waiting for them to pick up. “ Hey, I was going to place an order for room service…” she said , setting the menu back down. “ Um, I just want grilled tomato slices with mozzarella cheese and oregano… and then…” she said, looking back at Shane. Crap. Figure out what he wants before you order. “ An order of waffles, French toast with powdered sugar, buttermilk pancakes, whipped cream and a variety of fruit to put on that, maple syrup, sausage links, bacon, hash browns, scrambled eggs, and… can we get orange juice. With coffee, and some water too please.” Claire leaned down, picking clothes up out of her suitcase. “ No, it’s just for two people…. Okay, thanks” she said, hanging the phone back up.

Claire turned around, carrying her things in her arms before she came back to Shane. “ We both know I’ll be in a better mood after I take a shower. I mean, I’d be in a much better one if you joined me, but that probably wouldn’t be beneficial to us having to leave soon” she said, kissing his cheek before she turned and headed to the bathroom. What were they doing? So he knew she liked him. But he had to know that once he was back in New York, nothing changed. He still had too much power to hurt her. Claire stepped into the shower, letting the warm water fill the small space with steam before she hit her head against the wall. Great work, Claire. But at the same time, she didn’t regret it. If something was meant to happen, then things just seemed to naturally take that course. Maybe she’d been denying it too long, maybe he had to. But that was just opening the possibility of him hurting her. All the same, she had a feeling this wouldn’t be as easy to brush off as the almost kisses.

Claire mostly towel-dried her hair after changing into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt she’d stolen from Shane a few months back when he’d first stayed the night over before she came back out into the hotel room, holding a nail polish bottle. She shook it quickly in her hand a few times before she came back out, sitting down on the bed where she sat with her left leg curled into her and her right foot against the bed so she could paint her nails. She didn’t want him to leave. At some point they’d have to talk about all of this, about everything that had been going on. Claire took a small break from painting her toenails and rested her chin on her knee, tilting her head to the side to look at Shane. “ Did you have a good birthday?” she questioned, wondering if the entire day had been what he’d hoped for; a show, hanging out with the guys, seeing her. Claire took in a deep breath, rip off the bandaid Fox. “ Shane, about last night…” she started off, shaking her head as she stretched her right leg out and then focused on her left foot. “ I um.. well I think it’s important that you know,..” she said, debating with herself whether or not this was a good idea. “ I mean, I don’t regret it. I don’t think this means we’re together, honestly.. I’m not even sure where it leaves us. Or our situation. Or what is happening. But, I don’t regret it. Some of those things I said about you aren’t true. You aren’t pathetic. You aren’t headed nowhere in life. You’ve helped me through a lot and it wasn’t fair to attack you in that way. If I want to be mean, fine. Whatever. But I can’t attack your character. Not when you’ve done so much for me. And..” she held her breath, wondering how to phrase everything that was on her mind. “I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. I’m trying so hard to be the best… at something.. to be noticed. To not live in someone’s shadow. I make a choice, it’s wrong. I say something, I hurt someone. But you’re not like that. You’re not a choice I made last night that I’m going to look back at and pray to God I could erase. I have no idea what tomorrow, or what the rest of the day is even going to be like. But I made the right choice last night. The first right one in a really long time,” she said, giving a small smile before she looked at the clock, wondering when their food would arrive.

[Shane Alexander Madden]

Shane waited, seeing that Claire had finally woken up. And although she usually hated being woken she seemed to have woken up a little easier for him today, or at least in a good mood. He wrapped his arm around her tighter, rubbing her back. Maybe things would be different. He didn’t even want to think about the fact that she had to go home to New York. Not now. Not after they’d finally kind of figured out what they both felt. And now that he knew how he felt and knew he wanted more, she’d be on a flight home. It sucked. Shane let her sit up, running a hand over his face tiredly when she mentioned he probably had numerous missed calls. “Yeah, probably…” He kissed her when she leaned back down and rolled over onto his side to grab his phone off the side table. Yup, a few missed calls. He didn’t even feel like calling anyone back. That was a reality he did not want to get back to. Instead he tossed his phone onto the mattress, propping his head up in his hand, watching Claire call for room service. He raised his eyebrows at all she was ordering. He did like options though. And she probably wasn’t sure what he wanted. He didn’t even know what he wanted. After she’d gone to take a shower, Shane climbed out of bed and got dressed. Now that he was by himself he kind of just wanted her to come back in the room. Were they going to be something, or leave things…? Blah, what was going on? Shane flopped back down on the bed now, fully clothed and laid on his back, closing his eyes. They’d have to talk about it eventually.

When Claire came back in from the bathroom he rolled over onto his stomach, watching her paint her toenails. That was something. She hated her feet. She didn’t even like people to see her feet. And the fact that he knew that about her had to prove something. She asked him if he had a good birthday. Hell yeah he had a good birthday. “Yeah, I did.” He smiled, resting his chin on his arm that he could at least bend enough to rest on. The other one was just stupid, he mostly pretended it wasn’t there. When she talked about last night and what she thought about all of it, he nodded. He knew he’d end up agreeing with whatever she said, because if it was what she wanted he knew it’d be what he wanted. And he never wanted her to do anything she didn’t want to do. He knew he was about to agree with her, but he had to admit he had half thought maybe she would have said she wanted to work things out. He thought maybe she wanted to try being together. But she hadn’t. And that was okay. Neither of them had expected last night to go the way it did. And neither of them regretted it, but that didn’t mean anything really. If she said she wanted to keep things the way they were, then that’s what was going to happen. That’s what she wanted, period. Nothing else to discuss. Shane nodded, “I don’t regret it either. And, I don’t know what this all means for us, but it feels right.” He paused, smiling a little, “You wanted to know my number.” It wasn’t that he didn’t want her to know how many girls he’d been with, or that he was ashamed of it or anything, but to him it was just something she could know. Not everyone else. He didn’t mind telling her, but he didn’t think he needed to tell the whole world. “Five. My numbers five.” He stood up. Having heard a knock on the door and figured it was room service. He answered the door. Letting the guy in and let him lay all the food out on the table. Everything looked good. But he didn’t even realize he was hungry.

[Claire Jayne Madden]

Claire rested her cheek against her knee as she looked in Shane’s direction and listened to him explain how he had felt about last night, too. At least they were semi on the same page. She wasn’t sure if she wanted something more, or if it was a one night thing. Shane had every power to hurt her and she wasn’t sure if she was ready to just hand that all over or not. Then again, he had just as much power to hurt her now than if they actually got involved with one another. She agreed that it felt right, but what felt right? Because she still found herself wanting to yell at him, that couldn’t be right. At the same time he was so cute with the way he was laying against the bed. She smiled slowly as he told her his number, something that had caused a fight between them just a few days before. “ Seriously? I thought it would’ve been in the twenties or thirties or something,” she said, stretching her feet off of the bed so that her toenails could dry. “ So I’m in the top five, that’s good” she said sarcastically as she laughed and watched him get up to go open the door. Leaving for New York today wasn’t going to be any fun, but she needed to get back to classes. Not that she was actually going to be able to concentrate.
Claire stood up from the bed and walked over to the food, sitting down at the table as she picked up a glass of orange juice, abandoning the rest of the food for Shane. Now that it had gotten there she felt guilty about ordering breakfast and knew that she needed to watch what she ate more often. Practices were only getting more demanding. “ What other secrets do you have, Madden?” she questioned as she smiled at him before she took a drink from her orange juice. Claire set the glass down against the table before she brought her legs up into chair, wrapping her arms lazily around them before she looked back at Shane. How had things changed so much for them. Before she left for Paris, she felt like she could do anything around him. Play the air guitar, mess around while trying to choreograph, pretend to know how to cook but just making him chicken and broccoli all the time, trying to learn how to play Halo from him but only managing to get her person stuck staring at the ground and spinning in a circle as their gun went off. Now it felt like they were walking on eggshells, careful of what they could or could not say or ask. Which was mainly her fault, but she couldn’t really blame herself. Someone had to look over her heart, even if it meant being slightly mean to Shane to get away with it.

[Shane Alexander Madden]

Shane laughed when she sarcastically made a comment about her being in his top five. Shane thanked the guy how had brought their room service and shut the door, "Hey at least I can still count it on one hand, thats less then I'm sure anyone thinks." Shane knew he had a reputation for being promiscuous, as false as it was. And maybe it was the rock image, being in a band and all that. He knew what people assumed about him. No one ever expected him to be what he was. But it was whatever. The important people knew him. Shane sat down at the table, thinking about what she said. They weren't really anything. And he didn't think they would anytime soon. And really it was on her, but that was her choice right? He couldn't make her change her mind, he couldn't go back and make her not change her attitude toward him. He grabbed some waffles and pancakes, stacking them alternating and dumped some maple syrup on them. Before he even took a bite he looked up at Claire, who had just asked him if he had any other secrets. Did he? Not really. There wasn't much to know about Shane. He liked drinking and having a good time. He liked music and his band. He liked old school video games and Monday night football. He grew up in California and Maryland. His parents were awesome. he had an older brother who had committed suicide. That, he didn't usually share with people. Just thinking about it raised his pulse, because it just pissed him off.

But. For some reason, it was like, Claire wasn't just a random person. She knew a lot about him. And even though they had kind of a rough patch in their friendship slash relationship, he still told her everything. He still trusted her, still wanted to tell her things he didn't tell everyone. Tell her something he had actually never verbally told anyone. What did that mean? He had never, never told anyone about his brother. People knew, but only because they heard about it from family or something like that. Whatever possessed him to open up to Claire now about it must have been something. He didn't know what it was about her, but she had a power over him. And if she never let him back in, he knew she'd probably be the death of him, but he'd take the risk. "Secrets..?" Shane set his fork down, looking at his breakfast stack, "I uh, have a brother. Had a brother." How did he say this? He'd never had to. He didn't know what to say. "He um... he committed suicide. A while back, I was in ninth grade." He picked his fork back up, shaking his head. It felt so, so weird saying it out loud. Like just saying it made it more real, even though he'd known for a long time it was very real. "I've never told anyone that." Shane cut into his breakfast stack, feeling odd about it. Not about telling her, just about the fact that he'd told anyone. He shrugged, "I mean, I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, it was a long time ago. I just... I know what your dealing with. With your friend. I know it sucks." He finally looked over at her, hoping he didn't upset her. After all, her friend, that situation, that was really recent. Shane took a bite and chewed and swallowed before continuing, "I wrote a song about it and everything. I didn't really know how to deal with it. It kind of helped, and I thought other people could relate. I still think about it all the time. Sometimes I think it will get better. Most days I just shove it to the back of my mind. But... I get it. Whatever your thinking. I get it."

[Claire Jayne Madden]

Claire set her orange juice down, realizing how cold it was before she leaned back in her chair. She smiled as she watched Shane stacking his breakfast together in an odd combination that only he would have thought of. She had to cover her smile with her fingers as he continued to dump maple syrup all over his breakfast. She’d gotten better about eating when Shane was around, but his diet was plain ridiculous. Then again she’d lied to him a few times and said she had eaten when she hadn’t. She sat forward, picking out a few strawberries and set them on her plate before she looked back up at Shane and realized that his demeanor had changed after she asked him whether or not he had any secrets. Apparently there was something that he felt was private about his life, or maybe he just didn’t want to share it with her and was having difficulty trying to think of something trivial that he could tell her. But when he set his fork down, Claire subconsciously mirrored his own behavior and set down her strawberry. Whatever he had to say must’ve been important; Shane was a goofball and all, liked to pull off jokes, but he wouldn’t have forgone eating if it wasn’t for something really important. Claire brought her eyes back to him as he started speaking and held her breath as she heard the words coming from his mouth. He’d had a brother that had committed suicide; and even though she’d lost a friend to a similar fate the first concern in her head was about what Shane must’ve gone through, what he was still going through. So much more of his personality made sense and she felt an overwhelming urge to protect him. Her friend may have been gone, but this was his brother . “ I’m not uncomfortable,” she said quietly, not really knowing what to say at all. She knew the dynamic in their friendship had changed, but she didn’t know that Shane still looked at her as enough of a friend to tell her something like this.

Shane went back to eating, but this time he also picked up his fork and went back to eating as well, maybe to serve as a distraction from what he was doing. She let him finish speaking, knowing that he must be dealing with a long process and not just something that can be put neatly in a box and stored away. “ Lullabies?” she asked again, looking back up at him since she’d completely forgotten about the food that she had put on her plate to sort of appease him earlier. “ That’s pretty much the only song I’ve listened to for the past week, I had no idea its’ significance to you..” she said, feeling stupid for not having realized it sooner. She just wanted to be close to him, be near him and it had nothing at all with wanting to be romantic. If she was trying to be romantic or make a move, she just would’ve kissed him. It wouldn’t make a difference if they kissed now. Not after last night. But after he shared something so personal with her, she just wanted to basically.. hold him. The same way he’d held her through her tough spots. But let’s face it, she was little. She couldn’t really hold him. But he could hold her and that seemed good enough. Claire dropped her legs from her chair and stood up, coming around to the other side of the table before she patted Shane’s shoulder on his good arm and gently pushed him back so that she could sit in his lap. After she snuggled in and made herself comfortable she looked down at his stack of pancakes and waffles, taking his fork from him. It wasn’t like he could put up a good fight since he was pretty handicapped right now. “ Shane, don’t think this is totally cliché…” she said with a small smile, “ But I promise I won’t leave you. I mean yeah we’ve definitely changed, but I’ll always be a part of your life somehow. You don’t have to worry about waking up one morning and me being gone,”’ she said, before she turned her shoulder to look back at him. It must’ve been so hard to have his brother ripped from his life. You go to bed one night, and the very next night your entire world is different. “ I’m a pain in the ass and I’m around for the long haul so I guess you’re just going to have to learn to deal with it,” she said before she took in a deep breath, staring at the waffles and pancakes. It was dumb, and made sense to no one. But this was a plate of carbs. And there literally was not a person on the planet she’d eat them for except for the person whose lap she was sitting in. She brought the fork to her lips and took a bite, but after a few times of chewing it she made a face and covered her mouth laughing. “ This is so bad” she said, trying to swallow the whole chunks down so she didn’t have to chew it anymore. She didn’t want to go home, not after he had told her this. And she knew that she’d probably still be mean to him, but she wouldn’t throw judgment at his character anymore. Plus, she was sitting here trying to console him. That should tell her something about how she felt. But she also was in the firm belief that whatever Shane thought he was feeling, was just because he was blinded by the sex at the moment. He didn’t actually want her . How could he? He had to view her as childish, since that’s basically what she was.

Claire leaned forward away from Shane but only enough to grab some more strawberries and then used her free fingers to grab a hold of the whipped cream she had gotten to dip them in. “ You haven’t showered yet,” she said with a slight click of her tongue. One of the things she appreciated most about her .. well, whatever it was.. relationship,friendship… thing with Shane, the thing she loved most was the fact that they could be adults and kids. Everyone else either expected too much out of her for being seventeen years old, or looked at her like she had only just learned the alphabet and was working on potty training. But Shane let her be both, and it wasn’t just because he was young too. Because some of her friends that were her age seemed to expect more out of her than they should, too. All of it just annoyed Claire, and it seemed so pretentious. They were all kids, if any of them thought that they had themselves figured out at this age already, they were full of shit. She made mistakes, she apologized, she learned. But she didn’t think she was better than other people , and she sure as hell didn’t apologize for knowing that she was growing up. Which meant changing, evolving, trying to figure out who she was. No one knows who they are at seventeen, or even twenty. And if they thought they did, they were just in for disappointment somewhere down the road when they realized they’d been fake for a lot of their life. Maybe that’s why Shane was the same way; he was just as apt to let life happen to him, make no apologies for how he reacted and adapted, and was still in the process of becoming whoever the hell he was. So they had just shared this huge thing; well one, sleeping together.. which now that she thought about it, neither of them were blaming on alcohol, and two, the fact that he had shared his story about his brother and she was trying to console him. She wanted things to be normal for him, if just for a few moments. She was going home today, and who knew where they would be when he got home. But if she could give him a sense of normalcy, just for five minutes she would. Which also sort of meant being childish. She could add another serious moment to their morning, but it just wouldn’t be them. Too much seriousness and she would feel herself eventually starting to put walls up, become scared of him. But how could she shut Shane out? He was this amazing man who really hadn’t done anything wrong, but had just been himself and out of nowhere that caused her to become automatically scared of him without giving him a chance. Claire adjusted in his lap so that she was sitting over his hips and shook the whipped cream can in her hand with a lifted eyebrow. “ Any last words?” she questioned, pointing it in his direction. She just wanted to have fun with him. He didn’t need to worry about his brother, or the fact that she was going home. They didn’t need to talk about what they had done, or what they would be in the future. She just wanted to see him laugh and smile, lose focus for a bit of everything they were going through. The reason she’d pointed out that he hadn’t taken a shower yet, was because he was going to need one. Which had to be tricky with is cast, but hell it would be funny just to listen to him yelling about that stupid thing. Claire smiled brightly reaching the can over his head before she pressed her finger down against the nozzle and sprayed it all over the top of his head before she brought it down to his face and laughed at him. “ It’s a good look for you,” she said sweetly before she looked back at the table to find something else to place on him.