Ryan and Madeline's Roadtrip

[Ryan James O'Neil]

Ryan and Madeline's Epic Adventure

Wednesday the 14th of March, 2012

Hey guys, Madeline and I decided to take a road trip, (in case you are wondering why we are not home...) but thought we would let you know if we came across anything cool. Headed into Pennsylvania on I78 at 6 in the morning and we aren't sure yet where were going just yet, will keep you updated!

Found the Crayola Factory

Madeline's pick at the America on Wheels Museum

A little off the beaten path, but check out these giant barbells.

Madeline snapped this peg legged pirate off 222! Glad we found him.

Right around the time we came across Roadside America, the Attraction, we decided we needed a destination rather then finding random shit heading for no where. I stuck our map of America on a barn door and Madeline threw a dart at it with her eyes closed. I am glad she figured out how to throw a dart. Also glad she hit the map and not me, haha. Needless to say, her dart landed precisely on the coast of Cali. Looks like we're heading home. We both want to know what exactly are the fucking odds of that. I'm not convinced that she's a beginner dart thrower, possible she's fooling me...?

Did you guys know that Bernville, PA has a Christmas Village? The entire place, Christmas. I think it would have been better to see it at night, maybe on the way back. It's almost 11 in the morning, we finally made it to Hershey for a late breakfast. Had to convince ourselves NOT to have a breakfast consisting solely of chocolate. Visited the Hershey Story, museum of Hershey chocolate, before getting back on I76. Found the boy with a leaking boot....

Literal Fork in the Road

The Hershey museum, where dreams come true I guess.

Boy with the leaking boot. Self explanatory.

Back on 176, (noon already!) heading toward Everett, Pennsylvania. Had to take a minor detour to see the abandoned PA turnpike from the 1960's. They filmed the movie, "The Road" there. Kinda cool/creepy. Everett, PA has a giant elephant statue, a giant quarter, and an ice cream shaped building. I forgot to take a picture of the elephant sorry. (We all know what elephants look like, aren't they giant anyways? Yeah.) Left Everett around 3 in the afternoon (ish) and found a coffee pot shaped building! Had to stop and get a picture. Probably our future house, just sayin. Heading out on I70, folks.

Abandoned Turnpike

Giant Quarter

Coffee Pot, (Madeline insisted we stop for coffee again after that)

4:30 in the afternoon and Madeline is skeptical but we are stopping to see a UFO in Kecksburg. In 1965 a 'meteor' streaked over Ontario and Michigan, and 'landed' in Kecksburg. Some kid said he saw it 'land' and it is shaped like a acorn. Apparently it was seen by thousands in six different states. Looks like a big fucking acorn to me. Plus its just a model. One of life's mysteries.

Madeline thinks its a bunch of nonsense, I think it'd make any mutated squirrel fuckin excited.

Does anyone really believe this?

Back on I70, I think we're never getting off this road. But we're on a straight shot to Ohio, left Kecksburg just before 5. If we're lucky, we could make Columbus before night fall. At this rate we keep stopping though, who knows? The drive to the Pennsylvania/Ohio border has been filled with a lot of Prince music, carrots, and lunch meat. We're hungry. Gotta find dinner soon...

6:30, over the Pennsylvania/Ohio border! Going to stop in Bellaire to see the Toy and Plastic Brick Museum that closes at 7, (Madeline is glad, Legos aren't her thing, but they are mine.) Probably gonna find some place to eat there too. Then its back on the beloved I70. Still shooting for Columbus for the night, calling ahead and booking a room so we have a reason to make sure we get there.

So cool!

Ate a quick dinner in Bellaire and hopped back on the road, totally intent on driving straight through to Columbus. However, we came across the Giant Circle of Vases. The sun is holding out, this means we are supposed to stop.

You can hardly see Madeline, but those are tall vases, real giant!

9 at night, finally back on the road, heading to the hotel in Columbus, (Madeline called ahead, so they are expecting us.)

Just around 10:30, in our room in Columbus. Madeline is in the shower and I'm drinking a beer and reflecting on the day. 16 hours and 535 miles later and it seems our worries of yesterday are on hold. We both needed this, and while I myself feel infinitely more relaxed, I have to worry about the types of people we have in this country, having only experienced parts of Pennsylvania and Ohio. My personal favorite was the giant barbells, because, pshh, I could lift those no problem. More tomorrow. Good night Columbus.

[Ryan James O'Neil]

Thursday the 15th of March, 2012

What do hotels mean by 'continental' breakfast? They do not have a variety of foods from different continents. I don't care that these waffles are 'belgian'. I call bull shit. Anyways, it is 7:11. Makes me want to go to seven eleven. Madeline is on her way down for breakfast and there's some interesting stuff right here in Columbus we're going to check out before we get back on the road. Day two looks promising.

Left the hotel around 7:30 (ish). Madeline didn't eat much breakfast, but I just think she doesn't like being up that early. Got her some coffee, so she was ready to go after that. Before we left the city we came across a lot of interesting things in Columbus, look for yourself.

French Topiary People (we look just like them.)

World's Largest Mortarboard Cap (One day Madeline and I will both have these.)

World's Largest Gavel

Arnold Schwarzenenner (...?)

Haaaa. Took this while straddling Gay St. I kid you not.

Madeline and I decided we'd seen enough Columbus and were itching to get back on the road, (the high way calls to us, you know?) Played a rousing game of I Spy and sang lovestruck at the top of our lungs. Good way to wake up. I70 was treating us well until I had to stop for gas in Springfield around 9:30. Found Hartman's Rock Garden. I know, it sounded lame to me, but it was actually kinda cool.

Greeted by this guy at the rock garden.

10 in the morning, Madeline refused to stop and see a two headed calf. She can't understand why anyone would want to gawk at it, I can't understand why anyone wouldn't want to gawk at it. Madeline, it was on Ripley's. That has to count for something. However, we did stop before the Ohio/Indiana border because I had to take a piss and the service station was torn down, (of course it was) and about 20 yards away from where I was urinating on the side of the road was a sign that said 'Footprint Rock'... right on the rock itself. Some people say if you put your foot on there you go back in time. I tried. Madeline was still there. Didn't work. Anyways, made it into Indiana at about quarter to noon. Eating brunch in Richmond.

Footprint Rock (Disappointed about the time traveling bogusness)

We had lunch in Richmond and found this giant chair. Thought about climbing it but the people who lived there were outside gardening and gave me a dirty look, so I did not. Got back to driving around 12:30 and Madeline and I agreed we didn't need to stop in Indianapolis. Elvis Presley had his last concert there before his death, so naturally instead of going to see the plaque, we just played an Elvis song. Sometime around 2:15 in the afternoon when we stopped for snacks and told the guy at the gas station that we were on a road trip to basically no where and looking for nonsensical things to do, he told us about Gravity Hill in Mooresville, (town we were in.) Basically you drive down in the valley and put your car in neutral and you get pulled back up the hill, (by something... ooh spooky.) We couldn't not try it. So out we go this this spot, go down in the valley, put in neutral.. at first I thought it wasn't going to work, but then the bronco was filled with a lot oh "Oh gosh" and "how is it doing that" from Madeline, and some "Holy shit" and "What the fuck dude" from me, plus The Black Keys in the back ground. So fuckin weird. They should make a Mythbusters episode about it. Seriously. That killed some time for sure. Anyways, we got kind of burned out from stopping and looking at stuff all the time, so we made a pact we'd try to do some good driving time. Made it into Illinois around 3. Except for the time change so it was 2 all over again. Lots of loud singing, Party in the USA on repeat. Thought we were going to get pulled over, but sneaked by. Good thing too, that would have been a a bad time to get pulled over...

Giant Chair in Richmond, Indiana

Car Sized Shoe, don't even remember what town this was in.

Nor this, the bell house I think it was called.

Justleft Effingham, Illinois. Got in some time after 3, and I really want to get gas at this restored gas station from 1910, but there was no gas, just picture taking. Bummer, the gas prices woulda been ideal too. Also drove past the world's largest cross. Not a very religious guy, but the thing was massive, so there had to be a picture taken. may or may not have done a little asking for forgiveness for prior actions in the truck. Some time after 5 we drove through Collinsville where we saw the worlds largest catsup bottle. Yes Catsup, not Ketchup. Made it into St. Louis, Missouri right around 6, we have perfect dinner timing. And I'm starving.

Super Cool Restored Gas Station

World's largest cross, (well thank God we found this.)

World's largest Catsup bottle (told me I could not take it home with me...)

We ALMOST decided to stay the night in St Louis, seeing as for a Thursday night the city was kind of exciting. There was tons of stuff to look at, but it was only about 7 and we could be on the road for another good 3 hours and get at least halfway across Missouri. Seemed appealing. Plus, weird as it is, we kind of made home in the bronco. It was weird being out of the truck for that long. We headed back out on I44 now, (yes, finally off I70!) and not 40 minutes later we came across Six Flags. Madeline and I agreed it was a bummer that they weren't open for the season and made a mental note to go to an amusement park this summer. We passed a lot of interesting looking things, but everything was mostly closed for the night, except the bars. Around 9:30 we found The Bar with Bras on the Ceiling in Devils Elbow, Missouri. It's exactly as it says. Madeline was appalled at all of the "unbelievably unattractive" bras hanging from their ceiling. She decided to give them a better looking one, and then proceeded to tell me we would have to eventually stop at a VS somewhere so she could replace it. I had to have known we'd be stopping there eventually, right?

This bar is much better decorated with Madeline's added help. The rib dinner for $9.95 doesn't disappoint either.

We ended up leaving the Bra Bar as I call it around 10. Out here, nothing else is open and there isn't much to see anyways. Madeline tried to stay awake but I think the trip wore her out. I think I was tired but driving was keeping me up anyways. Madeline fell asleep shortly after that. There wasn't much on my mind except I44 and whatever song came on through the speakers. I ended up booking a room at a hotel in Springfield and they told me they would keep someone at the desk until we got there. Madeline slept the entire way. We got in just before midnight. It's weird being so far from home, and yet feeling so at home in a strange hotel in southern Missouri. I think home has become pretty much wherever Madeline is. It makes me wonder how we got here. Not to Missouri, I fucking know how we got to Missouri. Has it only been just over a year, barely? How do you even know when you find that person you consider home? It just happens. One minute your just a kid from Tempe, then next thing you know...

Madeline didn't say much when she dragged her half asleep self from the bronco, but I think she's enjoying the trip. She's already sleeping now. I'm having trouble sleeping. I think all the silence brought New York back to the front of my mind. There goes a lot unsaid back in the city. We go to great lengths not to mention Joel. No one wants to upset anyone else. But I think about him a lot. I miss that little shit. He would like a trip like this. Somewhere in my mind I still think he'll be okay. Can't give up on him yet, guys.

Well. It's been 43 hours since we left NYC. 1,171 miles so far. Tomorrow I suspect we'll be on our way to Oklahoma and beyond. But not before seeing a giant paper cup here in Springfield. Tomorrow looks promising. Good night Springfield.

[Ryan James O'Neil]

Friday the 16th of March

It is just before 7 in the morning. I have not woke up Madeline yet. I didn't get much sleep at all, too much on my mind. But I figure since I'm awake, no sense in hanging out here. I got the map out and I'm aiming for Albuquerque, anyone think this is a plausible goal? Well I sure do. I already packed up all our stuff, all I gotta do is get Madeline in the car. Wish me luck.


Left the hotel just after seven and realized that Springfield had some pretty neat stuff right here, so we looked before we got back on I44. Came across a giant paper cup, a really big fork, and a massive bridge, among a few other things. Even though Madeline pretty much refused, we went to McDonald's so i could get one of those frappe things, (yum) and there was a Nascar car there. Nice little touch, I'd say. Back on I44 now at about 8 oclock, already got my RayBan's on. Definitely not anywhere near Manhattan.

Giant Paper Cup (Should be painted red for sure)


Nascar at McD's


Longest Footbridge in the Country, (this was awesome) you can watch trains go by, practically reach out and grab them, (not that you'd want to, but still awesome)


Ze USS Lapon


World's Largest Fork (wish that dude wasn't photobombing my picture with the giant fork)



Nine thirty(ish) in the morning, got to Joplin, MO. This is going to be a really long ass day. Already tired as shit and its not even noon yet, gotta drink my coffee. Madeline however, is well rested and keeping me entertained. So far I know every bra at VS that is currently being sold in stores, plus a handful of useful facts about Prince that I may or may not use the next time I play a show. Anyways, Joplin. It's almost Oklahoma. The only cool thing in Joplin, literally, other than the pair of us passing through, is this apartment where the real Bonnie and Clyde hid out for like 12 days. Story is like this, they got in a shoot out with five coppers. Two coppers were killed. Bonnie and Clyde got away. Me and Madeline could probably make like Bonnie and Clyde, what do you guys think? We could pull it off, right?

Bonnie and Clyde Apartment



Ten in the morning, got across the Missouri/Oklahoma border. I'm in a driving trance and singing a lot, Madeline is doing a crossword and putting up with my singing. Except that Mike Posner song came on and she got excited about it. Whatever that guy is talking about, i fucking agree. Drove for an hour. Around eleven while passing through Big Cabin, OK we saw the (former) biggest McDonald's in the world. I put emphasis on former. Around lunchtime we made it to Broken Arrow. But not before finding the world's largest totem pole on the way there. Also, I'm seeing a trend the town names here in Oklahoma, really to the point. Must've been a broken arrow in Broken Arrow. Among other things. Right next to it was Tulsa, so naturally, we went there too.

'Former' Biggest McDonald's


World's Largest Totem Pole


Big 'Liquid Life' Bottle


Statue Reading a Newspaper (my future, basically, mustache and all)


The Cave House (I hope Madeline realizes this is out other future house, besides the coffee pot)


Sonic Center of the Universe

Okay now I KNOW this doesn't look cool, but it sooo is. It's crazy because you stand in the middle, and you just talk normally, but it echoes back so that you are the only one to hear the crazy loud echo. Still not sure how this works, but I will keep pondering it.


Fueled up the car and our bellies, got back on the road around one(ish). We only pulled over twice on the way to Oklahoma city, both odd roadside things. Madeline thinks we should take a break in Oklahoma City and I should take a nap, but I really don't want to. If I go to sleep, who knows when I'll wake up? We'll never get anywhere. We did look around though, here's what we found, one in particular I was quite excited about.

On the road we found this, she's so out of place.


Shoe tree?


This was just a given.



Not really sure...



In Oklahoma City Madeline decided that these pageant queens did not compare to Angels.


Questionable.


The coolest thing ever, and yeah I fucking want a banjo now, thanks OK.



Left Oklahoma City just before four, stopped to get a snack too. Hopped on I40 and drove for a while. It's funny the things that come up when you're sitting in the car for hours. Conversation topics get way off course, I confessed to Madeline, indeed, I did want to be an astronaut when I was a kid. Madeline said she just wanted to be a princess. I wasn't really surprised. In some ways, she got her wish. Then she told me there was a space museum in the next town. I felt like five years old again, hoping they had space suits. Made it to Weatherford at five on the dot, not too bad. We went to the Thomas P. Stafford Air and Space Museum. It was pretty much awesome.

Madeline snapped this guy on the road.


I found the space suit I was looking for! I hope it's my size.




We grabbed some dinner to go and took it with us in the bronco, left Weatherford at about five thirty. I kind of already had it set in my mind that we'd drive for another long stretch. Definitely did. Drove for another three and a half hours and made it into Texas finally. Only stopped once before the sun went down for these slug bugs. Otherwise we got into Amarillo around nine. Gonna refuel my brain, have some coffee, keep going.

About to tip over i suppose. Thought about going out to try and push it.


I don't know why these are here but people from all over spray paint them for fun. Found some spray paint in the back of the bronco and added the Maine 'M' and a big 'VS' to say we were there.



Also wondering about these shoe trees and boot trees we keep finding.



Also, also, this made me think of Dani. Haha.




Just got to the hotel in Albuquerque, and i am beyond exhausted so I'll keep this short. It was about nine when we left Amarillo, Texas. Quarter to one in the morning here in Albuquerque, but when we got into New Mexico we switched time zones, (again) so really its like quarter to two. Quarter to three in New York, so what time is it for my brain? I don't really know. 829 miles today. 1,997 miles total. Almost 69 hours since we left NYC. Sleeping in tomorrow. Good night Albuquerque.

[/center]

[Ryan James O'Neil]

Saturday the 17th of March

Welp, I got some much needed sleep. Madeline disagrees, she thinks I should have slept until three in the afternoon on account of how sleep deprived I was, but I woke up at ten feeling good. She was concerned about my ability to function, but I think I reassured her. Stayed at the hotel for an hour. Both refreshed for the day!

Anyways, we decided it was going to be a pretty lazy day, mostly just driving. We want to drive home to Tempe and there’s a giant National Forest in the middle of our drive so we won’t be looking at too many attractions unless you count trees. I love the time zone out here, ‘Mountain Time Zone’. I be wantin’ that banjo.

When we finally crossed into Arizona, we had a nice discussion about how even though Arizona is in the ‘Mountain Time Zone’, the entire state doesn’t observe Daylight Savings Time from March to November. So we went back an hour, same time as LA.

Also, if you’re wondering, I did actually get tired of taking pictures, and since were nearing my home town, I’ve already seen all this shit. Less interesting to me, haha. We got to my ma’s around dinner time, she was super glad to see us. We’re just gonna chill here and stay the night.

Getting sleepy, but my mom and I had a nice conversation about the things I’ve been finding during this trip. Thoughts I’ve had, things I’ve decided, endeavors I’ve set my sights on. She agrees. I might have to go shopping, maybe I can leave Madeline in a Victoria’s Secret and distract her?

Going to sleep, our current mile count is 2,406. California bound tomorrow.

[/center]

[Ryan James O'Neil]

Sunday the 18th of March

Left my ma’s house at 9:30(ish) this morning, and we aren’t stopping until we get to Cali. And when we get to Cali I am leaving Madeline at VS and going shopping on my own. Something tells me she will be easily distracted there. I have a lot of thinking to do. Madeline just told me she wants to be either Barbie or Joel for Halloween. I told her I want to be an astronaut. I don’t think she liked it. Looks like I’m being Ken. Or Joel’s Swag coach. Or damn, I’ll just be Logan Renner…

I managed to lose Madeline in the mall. Mission complete. Off to complete the rest of the mission. I feel like I just walked into a very important decision, how to dudes make these choices???

We got to Malibu around seven this evening and headed straight to the beach. Just in time to watch the sunset. I asked Madeline if she wanted to marry me. It seemed like a good time to show her the ring I bought earlier. She said yes. Looks like we’re getting married. I feel like this is the right thing to do. If I wasn’t on the planet to do anything else important, I’d be here to marry my best friend. It feels like home when I’m with her, no matter where we’re at, which state, what hotel, any interstate road. Doesn’t matter. The moon would feel like home if she was there. Or a giant coffee pot. 2,822 miles, 4 days, 16 hours, three bags of baby carrots, 5 bags of beef jerky, one bag of cheetohs, 5 pounds of lunch meat, 22 empty water bottles, and one engagement later, I would say I made it home, but I’ve been home all along. We’re shipping the bronco back and getting flights to New York tomorrow afternoon. Enough driving for us, ha.

Oh, also, some creeper was taking pictures of us and I would have yelled at him but he turned out to be an actual photographer and he agreed to email me the picture.

Madeline wants to frame it.


I think I want to, too.

[/center]