[Dani] Dirty little secret

[Jacob Daniel Russo]

Jake didn't really get nervous about talking to Dani, mostly because there was never anything to be nervous about. Also because when they fought, it was so ridiculous, they both knew they would end up fine in an hour. Last night Dani had been upset because Jake had shot a gun in his life. Not like he went out and shot people with it, and he knew people that did. But it was just the fact that she didn't know that about him. And Jake had to agree it wasn't fair that he knew everything about her, even the things she was embarrassed about, and there were things she didn't know about him. In a perfect world, Dani would know everything. But it wasn't like Jake went around telling people his family was the New York mafia. Jake only knew a handful of people that knew. Zach, because he'd gotten involved, and Logan somehow. Everyone else was 'family', or; girlfriends. Roxy knew because her father had been involved. Then there was Bennett, but she was dating Giovanni, and Destiny who was dating Vinny. Of course there was Hope, but she was a weird exception. Dani had every right to know. But there were rules that went with it; only tell your closest family. You might think your girl was close enough to trust with that info, but the rule was only girls who got wifed were allowed to know. Because, you know, once you were in, you were in... wives included, sort of. Because they had to keep the secret. If Giovanni didn't marry Bennett, the entire family would be shocked. Jake wasn't sure about Destiny, Vinny might have gotten some grief for dropping that bomb. But Jake had been with Dani the longest, she should have been the first to know. He'd just been lectured to no end not to tell her. Technically right now he was going against a direct order, but Jake didn't give a shit at this point because he didn't take orders from the mafia. But then it was like, at the point when you decide you trust her enough to tell her, by then isn't it too late to just casually bring it up? Nine times out of ten the girl gets pissed because you 'kept' it from her. Jake just wanted Dani to be safe. He stayed out of trouble mostly. He went his own route career wise. He never wanted her to worry. He just thought she deserved to know. Because honestly, Jake refused to marry someone who didn't know about his family. That was completely unfair. You can't marry someone and then tell them your family is the mafia afterwards, Jake refused to do that. So he wanted to tell Dani before it was too late, before it got past the point of her forgiving him for it. But mostly, the part that made him nervous was the question he knew she would ask. Yeah, he kept a big secret about his family from her. But that was about his family, not him. She knew everything about him specifically. What he knew she'd do was to put two and two together, and wonder if her dad's murder wasn't a coincidence. And she'd wanna know. And he hadn't ever lied to her about anything substantial, so he'd have to tell her it wasn't a coincidence. Jake sat on the couch where Dani had been curled up all morning, reaching over to grab the remote and turn off the tv, "Can we talk," he said, unsure of where to put his hands now that they were kind of sweaty, "Um..." he said glancing over at her, "You asked me last night if there were other things I haven't told you about me. And I don't want to keep anything from you. And... I know what I'm going to tell you isn't going to be what you want to hear, so before I tell you, I'm gonna say... I'm sorry for not being able to tell you sooner. And... I love you. Obviously. You're the most important part of my life, and you've trusted me with things I know you don't even like to think about, let alone talk about. I know I can trust you the same way." Jake sighed, not really sure where to even begin. "I just... I love you. Will you at least promise you'll hear me out?"

[Dani Marie Cooper]

Dani bit into the twizzler as she watched the news unfolding on the tv. Same old boring shit that it had been all morning. But she was about on her fourth package of twizzlers ; nervous eating. Jake had said that he needed to talk to her about something today, and though she had been eager to know what it was last night, now she felt terrified through every fiber in her body. Did she want to know? What if it changed her perception of him? What if it changed them? She wasn’t sure she would be able to handle that in any sense of the word. He’d been someone that she had thought she had known inside and out, who she had leaned on through the hardest times in her life. And there was something he was keeping from her. Something so big that he had wanted to wait until the morning to tell her. Dani lift her head, just barely, as he reached for the remote and turned the television off. He didn’t look like himself. He looked… nervous? Which was strange really, because Jake never got nervous about a damn thing. She gave a small nod, tossing the package onto the coffee table before sitting up on her elbows and pushing herself up completely so she was sitting upright. Dani chewed slowly on what was left in her mouth as she listened to him start off. But Dani frowned, finding herself feeling more sympathetic for him than angry towards him. Whatever he was carrying around was weighing heavy on him. “ I love you, too” she said, reaching her arm forward so that she could lay her hand over the top of his. “ Of course I’ll hear you out,” she said, moving on the couch so she could sit closer to him.

[Jacob Daniel Russo]

Jake took a deep breath. This would be easier if he didn't think about it too much and just straight up said it. Just rip off the band aid. "You know I never really got involved in my family's business... I wanted to do acting, and write screenplays, which I still do, clearly. But... my family, their business... isn't legitimate. It's... not what they tell people." Jake sighed, looking at her and saying point blank, "Dani, my family is a major contributor to the New York mob ring. Like, they don't meddle with the mafia, they ARE the mafia. We're talking like, been an organized crime family since the 1920's. And they aren't the only ones. Mobs... are still around. Most of my family are criminals, murderers, should all technically be in jail, but they have so many ties and they get off the hook for so much shit. That's why a majority of the women in my family are nurses or work in lawyers offices." Jake rubbed his hands on his jeans, half relieved to get it off his chest, but also feeling like he was betraying his family, again, calling them out for their crimes. "They're not... good people. My grandpa is the boss, then there's my uncles, cousins... None of them are good. That's what I grew up in Dani. I grew up shooting hand guns and throwing knives. By the age of ten I could explain to you exactly how to kill someone just by snapping their neck. Being aggressive by nature... was a necessity. I grew up in a household where they train you to join the family business when you're old enough to take someone out and not cry like a little pussy about it. When I was 14 Roxy's dad was killed doing a job. She wasn't that much younger than me... and it was like, as if people are dispensable. That was someone's family, someone needed him, you know? And to have him ripped out of your life, as a kid... I don't know. I was right at that age. I could've been off with my cousins doing odd jobs and stealing shit, I don't know. I don't even want to know. I just knew I didn't want any part of it. I knew what my future was if I stayed. You go out, they send you to go get rid of someone... that guy might be a greasy scumbag from our side of things, but in his world, he's someone's son, a brother, maybe someone's husband, some kids dad. Maybe he has a kid like Roxy at home crying her eyes out because her dad had a hit on him. I don't know. The thought of living this life that I was born into, wasn't really appealing anymore. Acting was kind of... a way to pretend I was something other than what I was. And I found I enjoyed it so much more. So I left. I stayed at a friends house for a long time. Eventually I came home on the condition that I didn't want to be involved. I saved up every penny I made acting and moved out as soon as possible." Jake shrugged, not really knowing what his life could have been. "We're not allowed to tell people what we do. Small handfuls of people know. The only women that get in on the secret are... wives, and," he nodding in her direction, "Girlfriends, occasionally. But I pulled myself out of that equation. My family didn't think you needed to know, since I wasn't involved. It's some for the safety of the family, mostly for your own safety. You don't want your name associated with them, but I think you should know. If you're going over to the house and mingling with them, you should know what you're mingling with." Jake ran a hand over his face, trying to explain himself. Maybe things about him would make perfect sense. Like how he was vicious in fights to the point of almost killing, because that's what he was raised to do. His anger issues, partly because he was raised in an overly aggressive household, partly because he was kind of angry inside. Angry that his entire family was criminals, but they looked at him like he was the fucked up one. Like he'd betrayed them. Left them behind. As if he hadn't served the family like it was his born duty. It was fucked up on a lot of levels. It was old school. "Look, I know my family is fun to be around and the food is great and it seems very hunky dory but when you strip away all that and look at the way things are run, I'm the black sheep, but only because i made it that way.They're all nice to me because Nonna lectures them but deep down they all just think I'm a coward. To them, I chickened out, you know? But I know better. I don't regret leaving. I very much like the way my life has panned out."

[Dani Marie Cooper]

Dani hadn’t realized the exact moment her jaw had parted open, but as Jake finished up his little rant, she realized she was staring at him with what to be the strangest expression. It was like their entire relationship was on replay in her mind. Every time he snapped and lost his temper, sometimes to the point of actually seeming to thrive on physical violence against others, to demolishing their furniture, throwing food against walls. This at least explained where his anger came from. What excuse did she have for being just as psycho in their fights? He was at least bred to be that way. Maybe she was just legitimately psychotic. “….Oh my god,” she finally stammered out, breaking her eye line with him before she pulled her hand away. Dani pushed the sleeves of the cardigan that she was wearing up as she made her way upstairs to their bedroom. The mafia… She didn’t even know how to mentally process what was happening. Okay so, his family was the mafia. But he wanted out. But honestly, the more she thought about it, the more his personality genuinely seemed to fit that of a mafia guy. And what the fuck.. they waited this long to tell her? Her life could’ve been in jeopardy a long time ago. It wasn’t like she was a ‘nobody’ exactly. And neither was he. If anyone knew that he was a part of ‘the family’ by keeping tabs on them, it wouldn’t be very hard to figure out how to hurt him, by hurting her. That was just fucked. Dani held her breath, moving into the closet before she stumbled her way along trying to pull a suitcase onto the bed that was basically twice her size. Mafia. What did she know about mafia. They killed over a lot of drug situations. Usually there were two families that just despised each other, at all costs. Murder, violence, those were their specialties. Internally she felt frantic, but she knew that it must have come off strange that she was so calmly packing a bag. A bag. Singular. Because even in the back of her mind trying to sort out how fucking fucked up this was, when would she ever pack multiple bags? He’d been through a lot with her,thick and thin. Was it because he felt he oddly owed it to her somehow since he was hiding who he was? Because that seemed like a stretch. The last thing she needed to do right now was start questioning whether or not he loved her. That was stupid. She knew he did. Just as well as she knew how much she loved him, even still. It was just a lot. And her brain sort of felt like it was on overload right now. The man she’d loved for the past three years and she had no idea what type of environment he had been raised in, when she had so willingly offered that truth to him about her own environment growing up. But that did stop her, momentarily… the small realization that he had just as little control over his surroundings as she did, but that they both did the same thing. They got out. Only her situation of ‘out’ was a little more permanent now seeing as how her dad was dead. His family was always going to be ‘the family’. The mafia… around. Wait. Dani stood up straight, grabbing the handle of the suitcase once she was done packing, the realization clicking to her as she calmly moved down the stairs, trying to carry the heavy suitcase. “ What involvement did you have with him?” Dani asked as she reached the bottom of the staircase, her hand gripping the handle of the luggage so tightly that her knuckles were starting to pale. There was no need to specify which ‘him’ she was speaking about. He knew who she meant. And quite frankly, the fact that no one could figure out who murdered her father, when he was in a locked prison with damn near constant surveillance, was suddenly striking her as something that came out of a movie. Like the mafia. But at this point, did it matter? He’d ended her nightmare, even if his own was still slightly continuing. “ Thank you,” she said quietly, clearing her throat before she placed her hand on her hip and looked in his direction.

[Jacob Daniel Russo]

Jake knew when she pulled her hand away, that was it. He was walking on eggshells from here on out, at least until they had some sort of understanding of where they currently stood. He was a bag of mixed emotions because he felt relieved to have told her. He felt like a lot of why he was the way he was sometimes chalked up to his family life growing up. But at the same time, he knew he had to tell them that she knew. Even though that was exactly what they'd advised against. He was going to get hell for this. He knew Dani being who she was and himself being who he was didn't exactly make them completely safe when it came to being targeted, theoretically. And Jake was pretty sure he knew the reason they weren't, and would probably never, be targeted for anything. The was always The Commission to take into account. They might be a bunch of crime driven lunatics, but they had some order to it all. Jake had suspected all along that him leaving his family and becoming a household name had probably been a topic of discussion. The families may have their disagreements, but there was still a level of respect when it came to certain things. Like women and children go untouched. Apparently grandsons too who claw their way out. People dedicated to living a clean life didn't go unnoticed, but rather unscathed. There was respect for the honest man, at least that was Jake's take on things while he watched his grandfather in his determination to restore the conservative Sicilian faction. That, or everyone had been threatened. Either way, Jake knew he could sleep peacefully at night. He hadn't wanted Dani to worry, he at least wanted her to know his dis-involvement actually made things safer in many ways. Just so long as he kept his ass out of things. Like not having your girlfriends dad killed. Which speaking of, because after Dani had gotten up and left the room, Jake hadn't gotten up from the couch. But he stood now, hearing her coming down the stairs with a single suitcase. Well, it was just the one. So that was slightly positive, if packed suitcases could be positive. Dani had asked what Jake's involvement with her dad was. He knew eventually she'd ask. And he'd been straight up honest about everything else, he may as well about this too. Don't want to leave this for later either. get it all out in the open now, right? Jake cleared his throat, slightly shrugging, "Direct involvement." he shoved his hands in his pockets for lack of knowing what to do with them, surprised when she said thank you. He was happy to have seen her so relieved since her dad's death, but having to be that drastic as to put a hit on the guy himself, after he'd spent so many years with nothing to do with it, he wasn't exactly proud of it. He more or less knew he did it for her. And h'd do it again. Jake nodded, standing still. Of all things, he really just wanted to wrap his arms around her, but knew that wasn't really right. She might need some space away from him. He slightly wondered if she was currently thinking back to every violet outburst he'd ever had and wondering if he was actually a danger to be around. He shook the thought from his head, gesturing toward her suitcase, "You're leaving." It was a statement rather than a question but he still asked, "How long will you be gone?"

[Dani Marie Cooper]

The pain in her stomach started the moment he had said he had direct involvement in the fact that her father had been murdered. But oddly, it wasn’t for her father. That must have been one of the most difficult decisions Jake had ever had to have made. And he did it basically on his own, all alone, unable to discuss any of it with her. And really, wasn’t she better off that he had kept this secret until now? Had she known about his family and been slightly aware of any type of plan to kill her father.. even with the demonic things he did, would she have been able to let them go through with it? And her life right now, this was the happiest, most stress free, she’d ever been. She felt like she could actually enjoy life. And now she had no idea what to feel. She looked up, realizing that he was asking her how long she would be gone for. But was that fair? How could you possibly put a timeline, or even an estimate of one, on something like this? She just wanted to mentally be able to understand everything, and really it was a lot to even try and process. What if she never could? Though that seemed highly unlikely because even though confusion, hurt and anger were piling up inside of her , the biggest emotion she still felt for him was that of unconditional love and genuine admiration. She wasn’t ‘ leaving him’. She needed a quiet room without distractions that she could sit and process. The idea of ‘being gone’ wasn’t something she necessarily relished either. “ Jake, I don’t know how to answer that,” she said, bringing her hand up to the back of her neck. “ I don’t even know where I’m going,” she said, giving a slight shake of her head before she took in a deep breath. ” We both know it’s not goodbye, I just… I need to understand…. “ she said, still trying to decipher in her own mind what she was even supposed to be trying to understand. Her feelings for him? No. She knew those. Wasn’t going to question those. So how did everything feel off right now? It was like she had been so sure of their future before, even though they never really progressed forward with anything, but now there was an uncertainty. The horrible impending doom she felt was hanging over them and she just wanted to think. About everything – mainly, who were they as a couple now. “ I’ll call Ikea,” she said, scratching the side of her forehead as she made her way towards the door. It was almost guaranteed he was going to start breaking furniture, and it was better that they had a heads up. She stopped momentarily as she passed him, “ I love you,” she said, standing on her toes to kiss the side of his cheek before she started to make her way out of their home.