Post by Meredith Renee Jergens on Mar 7, 2014 18:06:27 GMT -5
“ We look like we’re going to prom,” Meredith said in her lazy tone of voice. “ Did you get me a corsage? I won’t put out unless you got me a corsage,” she said defensively, putting her hands up “ I don’t know what you heard, but I’m a classy lady. I have an Oscar,” she said as she moved towards her seat. “ How does Dan feel about you sleeping with other men?” he questioned as rolled his sleeves up, moving to his own chair. “ Well he takes payments, naturally. Does the bookkeeping for IRS purposes. Sets the price rates. He’s a real fair man..” she said with faux admiration before she sat down and crossed her legs. “ Can you afford it though? I mean your movies haven’t been real..’blockbusters’ per say” she said jokingly. “ Well they were going to give me the part of Peeta but they decided I was too much of a man,” Willie said, sitting back. “ Yeah, I can see that actually. Testosterone looks like it oozes from your pores. Wait no.. is that… chlamydia?” she asked as she leaned in. “ Oh you’re funny. You’re a funny fal” Willie said with a smile. “ I know… “ Meredith said like she was surprised even by herself. “ So Divergent.. you ready for that?” she asked, moving to a more serious tone. “ Kind of late to stop it now… How do you and Dan handle it?”. Meredith lift her eyebrows slightly “ Better than Ethan,” she said honestly, looking up as the producers made their way over.
“ Hey you guys, I guess you had nothing better to do than to tune in for an interview between myself and Meredith. This is mainly for all of you Hunger Games Divergent crossover fans. You know I gotta ask you, is anyone even a Twilight fan anymore?” he asked. “ Not openly,” Meredith said, adjusting the way she sat in the chair, resting her arm on the armrest. “ We’re sort of at a loss. We don’t have any questions and I don’t know how the damn twitter shit works so if you guys are sending in questions I mean….. I’m sorry..But that’s most likely not going to happen” he said before shrugging like he actually didn’t care. “ You’re almost as good at this as I am,” Meredith said, looking over at Willie. “ That’s why they pay me the big bucks.” Meredith nodded, “ Does your mommie let you spend it all at once?” she questioned. “ You know what ,don’t you worry about my mama, Meredith”. Meredith laughed to herself as she shook her head. “ What about you, the man of the house in charge of your finances?” he asked. Meredith puffed out her cheeks and lift her eyebrows. “ Yeah. And I mean really he should.” she said shortly. “ That’s sexist,” Willie added with a click of his tongue. “ He rents a lot of…how do I say this delicately….. Porn. He is like.. a porn nutcase. Honestly that’s what most of our expenses comes down to. It’s like.. house payment, car payment, car insurance, health insurance, phone lines, cable, internet, credit cards, groceries and then like.. this overwhelming porn addiction he has. Which in turn has given me my own addiction,” she said as she gave a sigh. “ Alcohol?” Willie asked, “ No, fruit gushers. I mean they’re just truly….Gods’ candy. Sometimes I try to eat them off of Dan. When he’s naked. Yeah, it’s actually a new porn coming out. Called um.. Dan Gushers. Which I mean.. there might be a sequel. So. Fingers’ crossed.” she said, bringing her hands up as she crossed her fingers quickly.
“ I think I saw a preview for that,” Willie said without very much surprise. “ You had to pay for that on one of the adult sites.” she said as she watched him. “ Alright you caught me. I have a porn obsession, too”. Meredith snapped her fingers and pointed at Willie like she caught him. “Okay, best purchase since you filmed Divergent, go..” she said. Willie narrowed his eyebrows as he tried to think. “ A plan B pill. Can I say that?” he asked as he looked around. “ I’m gonna go with a plan B I got for a girl.” he said giving a nod. “ Did you know her?” Meredith asked with fascination. “ Well I knew her well enough,” Willie said with a quiet laugh. “ Do you remember her name?” Meredith questioned, scraping her fingernails together out of habit. “ Remember it? I never learned it. Ah, damnit to hell. I’m sorry mama. I apologize. Y’all can edit that out” he stammered. “ I’m pretty sure Dan crushes it up into my food. Like.. he’s so terrified that we’re going to start a family. Cause I mean… A child could be better than me, but it could also be worse. And he already has to worry about walking into the house without getting like.. attacked when I’m dressed up like an astronaut or a pirate, or whatever I saw on tv last.” “ You dressed up like a pirate?” Meredith sat up excitedly. “ Have you not seen Dan lately?” she asked. Willie gave a skeptical look. “ No…” he said hesitantly. “ He has a scar. He had to get stitches. Okay so I found this shop that sells swords, and I’m thinking to myself, obviously I need one, right? So I buy this sword and it’s… it’s not the same thing as a bow and arrow,” ”No shit,”. “ So he comes in the door and I pull the sword out and I am FULLY prepared to blurt out the dialogue from Princess Bride about how I am going to avenge my father, when I realize that the weight of the sword, actually does some damage. And I cut him. So then I have to take him to the ER and the staff is all looking at me like I’m abusive. And I have to sit there and be like ‘ No I stabbed the man I love with a sword. Because I was trying to be a pirate.’ Which no one believes. So they’re looking at him like this poor fragile puppy who is being kicked at home.” she rambled off quickly. “ Oh my god, you stabbed him?” Willie asked. “Okay like barely. “ “ He got stitches?” “ Only like six. The way he tells it is much more traumatizing. And I think people are missing the point of the story. I was a pirate. And that.. is awesome. But the reminder is on Dan’s body. So every time I want to tell the story I have to get him half naked to show it to people. Which really.. is a lot of our stories. Most of my stories. All of my stories.” she said, correcting herself with an annoyed look.
“ I bet he tries to attack you with his sword plenty of times,” Willie said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. “ Believe it or not I kill the mood more often than not. Because I want to do things like play with lightsabers. Or try to make animal noises. Or I’m like, hey wouldn’t it be weird if I had a penis and you had a vagina? And no one wants to be intimate with that girl,” she said, shaking her head. “ I actually am very into that” Willie said with a straight face. “ I thought you might be.” Meredith said as she bounced her foot, trying to think of something else that they could talk about. “ Oh my god do you want to play chubby bunny while we do this?” she asked excitedly. “ You want me to get chubby?” he asked, with a surprised expression. “ Yeah. “ she said, looking off camera. “ Can we get marshmallows?” she questioned. Meredith looked back at Willie. “ You’ve never played chubby bunny?” she asked with amazement. “ That’s not usually the chubby I play with” he said, sitting up to see what she was going to do. “ We don’t have any marshmallows” a producer said off camera, causing Meredith to make a sad face. “ Okay, well that’s alright.” she said, looking at Willie. “ Who do you think would win in a fight? A tribute or a Divergent?” she asked. “ Uh… They’re both fighting for their lives” Willie said hesitantly. “ Come on, let’s figure it out” Meredith said, starting to take her ear cuff off and stood up, stepping out of her heels. “ My character isn’t actually Divergent” Willie said. “ Your character might not be, but you’re sounding an awful lot like a pussy right now. Fight me.” she said, stepping away from the chairs on the stage.
“ I’m not going to hit you, you’re a girl.” Willie said as he walked up to the coffee table, pushing it out of the way. “ Besides, I’m like a ninja, you couldn’t even hit me if you tr-“ he stated, but was cut short from the slap across his face at the expense of Meredith. “ Did you just slap me?” he questioned incredulously. “ Like a lil bitch. Come on.” Meredith said, stepping on foot behind the other as she turned her body to the side. “ You’re in a dress.” he stated as though it made a difference. “ Does that make you jealous?” “ Yes actually, I almost wore the same one,” Willie said as though it were obvious. Meredith laughed and put her hands up. “ Just hit my hand.” she said as though that were a decent enough compromise. “ Alright.” Willie took in a deep breath and formed a fist, moving to hit one of her hands. Meredith grabbed the inside of his wrist and pulled his arm backwards before punching him in the nose. “ OH MY GOD” Willie said, with her still holding his wrist, his free hand coming up to hold his nose. “ You punched me!” he screamed. “ You were trying to hit a girl!” Meredith said back with bewildered eyes. “I didn’t think you were going to hit me!” he said, to which she echoed. “ Well I didn’t think you were actually going to try and hit a girl!” Meredith said, taking her hand away from his wrist as she looked at his nose. “ Oh my gosh it’s bleeding” she said, taking a Kleenex out of the chest of her dress and brought it to his nose. “ What a- what the hell is that? Are you stuffing your bra?” he asked, holding his hand over his nose but looking at her bewildered. “ No! It’s like it’s own separate purse.” she said, gesturing to her chest, pushing the Kleenex over his nose. “ I think we should cut” Meredith said to him with a concerned expression. “ Ya THINK!?” Willie echoed back at her. “ Someone get my phone, I’m calling Dan” he said, taking the Kleenex away to see how much blood he had. “…..Okay well… this was really short and I’m sure Taboo will just air it before some show, so that’s good. Sorry Renner. Um…. To all the Hunger Games fans,.. looks like we would win in a Divergent fight. That being said… don’t fight Divergent people. You can kick Twilight fans’ asses until the sun comes up but.. Divergents are our friends… So.. I mean I hope they are still. You guys have a great night. Make sure to go buy Hunger Games and go see Divergent when it hits theaters.” she said, giving a wave to the camera before she looked back at Willie. “ Do you want me to go get marshmallows?” she asked. “ Yeah” Willie said in a worked up tone, sitting back in his chair.
Outfit
“ Hey you guys, I guess you had nothing better to do than to tune in for an interview between myself and Meredith. This is mainly for all of you Hunger Games Divergent crossover fans. You know I gotta ask you, is anyone even a Twilight fan anymore?” he asked. “ Not openly,” Meredith said, adjusting the way she sat in the chair, resting her arm on the armrest. “ We’re sort of at a loss. We don’t have any questions and I don’t know how the damn twitter shit works so if you guys are sending in questions I mean….. I’m sorry..But that’s most likely not going to happen” he said before shrugging like he actually didn’t care. “ You’re almost as good at this as I am,” Meredith said, looking over at Willie. “ That’s why they pay me the big bucks.” Meredith nodded, “ Does your mommie let you spend it all at once?” she questioned. “ You know what ,don’t you worry about my mama, Meredith”. Meredith laughed to herself as she shook her head. “ What about you, the man of the house in charge of your finances?” he asked. Meredith puffed out her cheeks and lift her eyebrows. “ Yeah. And I mean really he should.” she said shortly. “ That’s sexist,” Willie added with a click of his tongue. “ He rents a lot of…how do I say this delicately….. Porn. He is like.. a porn nutcase. Honestly that’s what most of our expenses comes down to. It’s like.. house payment, car payment, car insurance, health insurance, phone lines, cable, internet, credit cards, groceries and then like.. this overwhelming porn addiction he has. Which in turn has given me my own addiction,” she said as she gave a sigh. “ Alcohol?” Willie asked, “ No, fruit gushers. I mean they’re just truly….Gods’ candy. Sometimes I try to eat them off of Dan. When he’s naked. Yeah, it’s actually a new porn coming out. Called um.. Dan Gushers. Which I mean.. there might be a sequel. So. Fingers’ crossed.” she said, bringing her hands up as she crossed her fingers quickly.
“ I think I saw a preview for that,” Willie said without very much surprise. “ You had to pay for that on one of the adult sites.” she said as she watched him. “ Alright you caught me. I have a porn obsession, too”. Meredith snapped her fingers and pointed at Willie like she caught him. “Okay, best purchase since you filmed Divergent, go..” she said. Willie narrowed his eyebrows as he tried to think. “ A plan B pill. Can I say that?” he asked as he looked around. “ I’m gonna go with a plan B I got for a girl.” he said giving a nod. “ Did you know her?” Meredith asked with fascination. “ Well I knew her well enough,” Willie said with a quiet laugh. “ Do you remember her name?” Meredith questioned, scraping her fingernails together out of habit. “ Remember it? I never learned it. Ah, damnit to hell. I’m sorry mama. I apologize. Y’all can edit that out” he stammered. “ I’m pretty sure Dan crushes it up into my food. Like.. he’s so terrified that we’re going to start a family. Cause I mean… A child could be better than me, but it could also be worse. And he already has to worry about walking into the house without getting like.. attacked when I’m dressed up like an astronaut or a pirate, or whatever I saw on tv last.” “ You dressed up like a pirate?” Meredith sat up excitedly. “ Have you not seen Dan lately?” she asked. Willie gave a skeptical look. “ No…” he said hesitantly. “ He has a scar. He had to get stitches. Okay so I found this shop that sells swords, and I’m thinking to myself, obviously I need one, right? So I buy this sword and it’s… it’s not the same thing as a bow and arrow,” ”No shit,”. “ So he comes in the door and I pull the sword out and I am FULLY prepared to blurt out the dialogue from Princess Bride about how I am going to avenge my father, when I realize that the weight of the sword, actually does some damage. And I cut him. So then I have to take him to the ER and the staff is all looking at me like I’m abusive. And I have to sit there and be like ‘ No I stabbed the man I love with a sword. Because I was trying to be a pirate.’ Which no one believes. So they’re looking at him like this poor fragile puppy who is being kicked at home.” she rambled off quickly. “ Oh my god, you stabbed him?” Willie asked. “Okay like barely. “ “ He got stitches?” “ Only like six. The way he tells it is much more traumatizing. And I think people are missing the point of the story. I was a pirate. And that.. is awesome. But the reminder is on Dan’s body. So every time I want to tell the story I have to get him half naked to show it to people. Which really.. is a lot of our stories. Most of my stories. All of my stories.” she said, correcting herself with an annoyed look.
“ I bet he tries to attack you with his sword plenty of times,” Willie said with a wiggle of his eyebrows. “ Believe it or not I kill the mood more often than not. Because I want to do things like play with lightsabers. Or try to make animal noises. Or I’m like, hey wouldn’t it be weird if I had a penis and you had a vagina? And no one wants to be intimate with that girl,” she said, shaking her head. “ I actually am very into that” Willie said with a straight face. “ I thought you might be.” Meredith said as she bounced her foot, trying to think of something else that they could talk about. “ Oh my god do you want to play chubby bunny while we do this?” she asked excitedly. “ You want me to get chubby?” he asked, with a surprised expression. “ Yeah. “ she said, looking off camera. “ Can we get marshmallows?” she questioned. Meredith looked back at Willie. “ You’ve never played chubby bunny?” she asked with amazement. “ That’s not usually the chubby I play with” he said, sitting up to see what she was going to do. “ We don’t have any marshmallows” a producer said off camera, causing Meredith to make a sad face. “ Okay, well that’s alright.” she said, looking at Willie. “ Who do you think would win in a fight? A tribute or a Divergent?” she asked. “ Uh… They’re both fighting for their lives” Willie said hesitantly. “ Come on, let’s figure it out” Meredith said, starting to take her ear cuff off and stood up, stepping out of her heels. “ My character isn’t actually Divergent” Willie said. “ Your character might not be, but you’re sounding an awful lot like a pussy right now. Fight me.” she said, stepping away from the chairs on the stage.
“ I’m not going to hit you, you’re a girl.” Willie said as he walked up to the coffee table, pushing it out of the way. “ Besides, I’m like a ninja, you couldn’t even hit me if you tr-“ he stated, but was cut short from the slap across his face at the expense of Meredith. “ Did you just slap me?” he questioned incredulously. “ Like a lil bitch. Come on.” Meredith said, stepping on foot behind the other as she turned her body to the side. “ You’re in a dress.” he stated as though it made a difference. “ Does that make you jealous?” “ Yes actually, I almost wore the same one,” Willie said as though it were obvious. Meredith laughed and put her hands up. “ Just hit my hand.” she said as though that were a decent enough compromise. “ Alright.” Willie took in a deep breath and formed a fist, moving to hit one of her hands. Meredith grabbed the inside of his wrist and pulled his arm backwards before punching him in the nose. “ OH MY GOD” Willie said, with her still holding his wrist, his free hand coming up to hold his nose. “ You punched me!” he screamed. “ You were trying to hit a girl!” Meredith said back with bewildered eyes. “I didn’t think you were going to hit me!” he said, to which she echoed. “ Well I didn’t think you were actually going to try and hit a girl!” Meredith said, taking her hand away from his wrist as she looked at his nose. “ Oh my gosh it’s bleeding” she said, taking a Kleenex out of the chest of her dress and brought it to his nose. “ What a- what the hell is that? Are you stuffing your bra?” he asked, holding his hand over his nose but looking at her bewildered. “ No! It’s like it’s own separate purse.” she said, gesturing to her chest, pushing the Kleenex over his nose. “ I think we should cut” Meredith said to him with a concerned expression. “ Ya THINK!?” Willie echoed back at her. “ Someone get my phone, I’m calling Dan” he said, taking the Kleenex away to see how much blood he had. “…..Okay well… this was really short and I’m sure Taboo will just air it before some show, so that’s good. Sorry Renner. Um…. To all the Hunger Games fans,.. looks like we would win in a Divergent fight. That being said… don’t fight Divergent people. You can kick Twilight fans’ asses until the sun comes up but.. Divergents are our friends… So.. I mean I hope they are still. You guys have a great night. Make sure to go buy Hunger Games and go see Divergent when it hits theaters.” she said, giving a wave to the camera before she looked back at Willie. “ Do you want me to go get marshmallows?” she asked. “ Yeah” Willie said in a worked up tone, sitting back in his chair.
Outfit
