Staying in my play pretend

[Aurora Jane Bates]

Rory rubbed her eyes, and turned off her sewing machine.  She was planning on staying up until her dress for class was finished and now it was.  She made her way to the kitchen quietly to make some tea, knowing she would need something to help her relax.  She was tense.  The hard part of her week was over.  Tomorrow she didn't have any classes to go to.  Maybe she'd just get caught up on homework and stuff.  While she waited for the water to warm up Rory turned the TV on and the volume down, careful not to wake Jo.  Nothing good was on, just some news station or something.  Rory blinked a few times at the screen, seeing the scene unfold, thinking it must be unfortunate for the people involved.  She stood to go pick out a tea, carrying her tea cup from the coffee table, hearing the news faintly as she began to walk away and then stopped, "Both Fox brothers were aboard along with their mother we're told, with two fatalities and one in critical condition.  We're not told who has survived the accident."  Rory spun around, staring at the screen.  She blinked a few more times before realizing she was not imagining things.  This was a real news cast with real news.  There was even pictures of Ethan and his brother on the screen.  Rory didn't even hear the teacup drop out of her hand and crash to the floor.  Rory stared at the TV some more, not moving.  She could feel the blood drain from her face.  "Jo..." she called out, feeling terrible for waking her but it was an emergency.  "Jo!"  Rory moved down the hall, fresh tears of pure panic rolling down her cheek, "Jo," she said pushing the door open, seeing that Jo was awake.  "Something happened," she managed, feeling like she was choking on her words.  It was strange the way she felt like she couldn't breathe, and her heart felt like it was going to beat out onto the floor, and she felt herself getting paler as she stood there, yet her mind felt so calm like it was moving in slow motion.  She someone managed to drag Jo out of bed and in front of the TV so she could understand.  Rory sat down.  She didn't even know where her phone was.  Sure she hadn't heard from Ethan in a while.  But that had been because he was sleeping and then woke up and had family day and Rory wasn't gonna bug him.  And 2 out of 3 fatalities? The odds were stacked against him.  Her breath caught in her throat, choking out a single sob, "But what if he'd dead?"  She felt like she might puke.  It was interesting, when you started dating someone, to go from a crush to "i like you" to THIS.  Obviously she liked Ethan but suddenly the chance that he might be dead made her realize, and admit to herself unwillingly just how much that was.  She didn't even know who to call.  The amount of panic on top of every other stress that week was too much.  What if she really cared about him like, the real way, that... L word... and then he just friggin died?!  "I can't deal with this..." she mumbled through the weird crying that was like, barely there, but there enough to freak herself out.  She could barely handle the new idea that she might possible be able to more than like Ethan, and the fact that it was put in perspective by the possible thought that she had just lost him was too much.  


Tea didn't help her sleep.  Sleep wasn't an option anyways.  She kept her phone near,  though she knew there would be nothing from him.  She felt sick inside.  What if he had actually died.  How was she supposed to function post Ethan.  He was... the first of a lot of things.  He was supposed to be the first for a lot of other things too.  The first guy she had actually let her walls down for.  And that was a big deal!  She couldn't do that again.  Sleep never came, just a lot of silent tears and tired thoughts of funerals and what ifs and Milo trying to snuggle as if he knew something was wrong.  Something was very wrong.