Post by Blake Emma Renner on May 12, 2015 20:38:41 GMT -5
Blake supposed that it wasn’t entirely strange to google yourself. Though, if that reason became that you were trying to figure out what your current clothing style was so that no one would raise suspicion about the fact that you were looking all sorts of funky compared to your ‘normal’ self, that was just about as weird a reason as any. She sighed, stepping away from the computer before she tried to piece something together that looked normal. After stepping into something that she felt was suitable, she came to the guest bedroom where Logan was sitting on the bed. She bit the edge of her lip, placing her hands behind her back. It was an uncomfortable thing to wake up married to the one man you thought was unattainable. His eyes though, when they were on her, she felt like he loved her so much that she was a part of himself. It was in those same eyes that she could see a flurry of emotions; relief she supposed at the fact that she was awake, and there was a certain sadness there too. She wasn’t his yet, even though she was. “ I’m ready,” she said quietly, looking down as the blush cascaded over her cheeks. It was unstoppable. Logan Renner would always have a power over her.
The way to the label was like maneuvering through a concrete jungle. She could remember the feeling of sand between her toes, and here she was living in New York. Logan, the boy she remembered as her neighbor, never seemed like a boy who liked New York, or the idea of it as a city. Yet, she had a song on her new album dedicated to just how great New York was. She looked away from the views, to look at the view in the drivers seat. Was that another sacrifice he had made for her? She pursed her lips together, taking in a breath as the shade of red kept its’ home on her face before she looked down at her hands. It was a quiet ride, she felt that a lot of their time together was quiet. He had been so kind to answer any questions she had. She felt he probably had many of his own, yet he showed such patience that she imagined it was internally tearing him apart. The two of them, so capable of writing eloquent and beautiful songs, found themselves at a loss for words. But maybe it was just being in his presence that she needed to get used to, trying to accept the fact that she was his, and that finally, he was hers.
The car sat parked in the garage of Taboo Records, the engine stirring quietly. Blake took in a few deep breaths, turning her fingertips under the fabric of her skirt as she tried to swallow the fact that she felt like she was walking into a lions den. “ Wait just a moment,” she said, taking in a final deep breath before exhaling slowly and nodding. “ Okay.” she said, trying to mentally prepare herself for what was happening. Logan and her were an affectionate couple. Logan and Blake had no problem with PDA. Logan and Blake were madly in love. She was madly in love. That part wouldn’t be hard to pretend. She walked around to his side of the car, swallowing hard as she shakily held her hand out to his so that they could hold hands as they walked into the building. Blake Parker was not comfortable with this; Blake Renner would have done it without hesitation.
Blake moved through the hallways of the label, not realizing how tightly her grip was on Logan’s hand as the nerves began to take her over little by little. Was it in her nature to depend on him? Was it in his to always be the strong and silent one? Her eyes widened, looking at the various concert posters, cd album covers, awards on all of the walls. There were so many artists. As they passed hers, she felt a skip in her heartbeat. She blinked, bring one of her fingertips up to the cover of the Red Tour poster. There it was again, the stir of nerves. How had she made this many albums and not remember any of it? She felt the uneasiness stir in her stomach, her heart starting to race. They were going to know she was a fraud, that she didn’t know what she was doing. Blake closed her eyes, pushing past it before she came to her studio. “ This is it? she said quietly to Logan, slipping her hand away from his as she stepped into the studio which was full of white furniture with purple accented pillows and lamps. She traced her fingers over the silver lamp before picking up a vanilla candle and giving it a smell. Blake looked at Logan, flickering a smile. “ You can work.. I’ll be fine..” she said, giving a nod before she looked back at the entirety of her studio.
One of the producers had come in, and Blake was busy trying to explain how she wanted to add one or two more songs to the album. If she was going to step into Blake Renner’s shoes and release an album, she at least wanted to record a couple of songs so that it still felt like hers. She just needed to study her own music, to get a feel for the sound that she needed to try and emulate. Not all of these songs sounded like they matched what her and Logan’s relationship apparently was. Style, sure that made sense. She questioned the one ‘All You Had To Do Was Stay’. What others had told her about her relationship with Logan made it sound like that no matter who they were with, they were always drawn to each other. No matter the circumstances. Rose and Ethan. She’d heard of both of them, but it was hard to imagine that she was such good friends with both of them that she would have been inspired to write a song.
It didn’t take long for the producer to start asking too many questions, and it made the itself move devastatingly slow compared to what was actually passing. But finally, she knew Mack was here for dance rehearsal. If she was going to go on tour this year, she was gravely behind. There was so much that she needed to learn that her former self probably had all figured out. Blake stepped into the heels, finally agreeing with Mack that if she was going to perform in heels she needed to practice in them. It would make her more comfortable and prepared. Blake stepped into the room. All of these faces; Shane, Max, Connor, Jax, Ryan. They had stepped in because they cared about her. But she didn’t know any of them. Blake looked down nervously, moving across the room as quickly as she could to Mackenzie. Everyone knowing you, and you not knowing anyone, was a terrifyingly lonely feeling. “ They’re staring at me.” Blake whispered quietly to Mackenzie before putting her hair up into a ponytail.
Mackenzie was so elegant, so beautiful. It was crazy that she had managed to learn this much about the tour simply to help Blake out so that more people didn’t have to be involved than necessary from outside of their group. Their group. Blake looked around; they were all so beautiful. When had she become friends with all of these beautiful people. Why did they care about her? It felt like a trap. It felt like it was high school all over again, and Scarlet was about to come out from around a corner and throw some pigs blood on her. It took a moment before Blake realized she was starting to hyperventilate. She was not Blake Renner. She was not married to Logan. She didn’t know how to go through with a tour. She backed away, holding her hand against her stomach before she started to run away. There were a couple who called after her, but it was Shane’s voice who she calmly heard, say toward Mackenzie, “No, I’ll get Logan.”
Blake moved through the label that she did not recognize, traveling through the maze of awards with her face on it that didn’t actually belong to her. She reached down, grabbing the knob to the supply closet door before she went in and sat down on the floor. Blake pulled her knees up, wrapping her arms tightly around them before placing her forehead on her knees. And just like that, she was a junior in highschool again. Scarlet had locked her in a closet after taking her clothes in gym, so that she was sitting there in her towel. Her hair had been wild and curly from her shower, her fingertips covered in bandaids from playing guitar, and the tears soaking down her cheeks to the point that it looked like she had just stepped out of the shower. There had been rustling outside, an irritated sounding voice, keys continuously trying to open the door, to find the correct one. Logan had opened the door, looking to the side when he realized she was in a towel. He’d taken his jacket off and offered it to her, not saying much. Maybe it was because he didn’t know what to say to her, maybe it was because he knew she was mortified. But she would never know, because she would never ask him. He would never be hers. Except, here she was, clinging to her own legs with a wedding ring on her left hand. Her hair this morning had been curly as well, yet it was shorter than it had been in highschool. It was pinned halfway up, letting the other curls frame her face the same way it had junior year. The mascara still fell down her cheeks. She was the same girl she always had been; nothing had changed. Which is why when she noticed the light had been turned on, that she looked up and noticed Logan. That had changed. He leaned against the doorframe, causing Blake to shakily wipe the tears and mascara from her face before she stood up. She started to say something, opening her mouth to try and think of anything that could explain why she was falling apart. But whether or not she understood it, he felt right. Whether or not she could ever believe that he would want to be with her, here he was standing in the doorframe. He was hurting just as much as she was. Blake sniffed, pushing some of the curls from her face before she stepped to him and wrapped her arms as tightly as possible around him. Blake leaned into him, clutching her grip tightly around him as she buried her face into the side of his neck. She was lost, but he was home.
The way to the label was like maneuvering through a concrete jungle. She could remember the feeling of sand between her toes, and here she was living in New York. Logan, the boy she remembered as her neighbor, never seemed like a boy who liked New York, or the idea of it as a city. Yet, she had a song on her new album dedicated to just how great New York was. She looked away from the views, to look at the view in the drivers seat. Was that another sacrifice he had made for her? She pursed her lips together, taking in a breath as the shade of red kept its’ home on her face before she looked down at her hands. It was a quiet ride, she felt that a lot of their time together was quiet. He had been so kind to answer any questions she had. She felt he probably had many of his own, yet he showed such patience that she imagined it was internally tearing him apart. The two of them, so capable of writing eloquent and beautiful songs, found themselves at a loss for words. But maybe it was just being in his presence that she needed to get used to, trying to accept the fact that she was his, and that finally, he was hers.
The car sat parked in the garage of Taboo Records, the engine stirring quietly. Blake took in a few deep breaths, turning her fingertips under the fabric of her skirt as she tried to swallow the fact that she felt like she was walking into a lions den. “ Wait just a moment,” she said, taking in a final deep breath before exhaling slowly and nodding. “ Okay.” she said, trying to mentally prepare herself for what was happening. Logan and her were an affectionate couple. Logan and Blake had no problem with PDA. Logan and Blake were madly in love. She was madly in love. That part wouldn’t be hard to pretend. She walked around to his side of the car, swallowing hard as she shakily held her hand out to his so that they could hold hands as they walked into the building. Blake Parker was not comfortable with this; Blake Renner would have done it without hesitation.
Blake moved through the hallways of the label, not realizing how tightly her grip was on Logan’s hand as the nerves began to take her over little by little. Was it in her nature to depend on him? Was it in his to always be the strong and silent one? Her eyes widened, looking at the various concert posters, cd album covers, awards on all of the walls. There were so many artists. As they passed hers, she felt a skip in her heartbeat. She blinked, bring one of her fingertips up to the cover of the Red Tour poster. There it was again, the stir of nerves. How had she made this many albums and not remember any of it? She felt the uneasiness stir in her stomach, her heart starting to race. They were going to know she was a fraud, that she didn’t know what she was doing. Blake closed her eyes, pushing past it before she came to her studio. “ This is it? she said quietly to Logan, slipping her hand away from his as she stepped into the studio which was full of white furniture with purple accented pillows and lamps. She traced her fingers over the silver lamp before picking up a vanilla candle and giving it a smell. Blake looked at Logan, flickering a smile. “ You can work.. I’ll be fine..” she said, giving a nod before she looked back at the entirety of her studio.
One of the producers had come in, and Blake was busy trying to explain how she wanted to add one or two more songs to the album. If she was going to step into Blake Renner’s shoes and release an album, she at least wanted to record a couple of songs so that it still felt like hers. She just needed to study her own music, to get a feel for the sound that she needed to try and emulate. Not all of these songs sounded like they matched what her and Logan’s relationship apparently was. Style, sure that made sense. She questioned the one ‘All You Had To Do Was Stay’. What others had told her about her relationship with Logan made it sound like that no matter who they were with, they were always drawn to each other. No matter the circumstances. Rose and Ethan. She’d heard of both of them, but it was hard to imagine that she was such good friends with both of them that she would have been inspired to write a song.
It didn’t take long for the producer to start asking too many questions, and it made the itself move devastatingly slow compared to what was actually passing. But finally, she knew Mack was here for dance rehearsal. If she was going to go on tour this year, she was gravely behind. There was so much that she needed to learn that her former self probably had all figured out. Blake stepped into the heels, finally agreeing with Mack that if she was going to perform in heels she needed to practice in them. It would make her more comfortable and prepared. Blake stepped into the room. All of these faces; Shane, Max, Connor, Jax, Ryan. They had stepped in because they cared about her. But she didn’t know any of them. Blake looked down nervously, moving across the room as quickly as she could to Mackenzie. Everyone knowing you, and you not knowing anyone, was a terrifyingly lonely feeling. “ They’re staring at me.” Blake whispered quietly to Mackenzie before putting her hair up into a ponytail.
Mackenzie was so elegant, so beautiful. It was crazy that she had managed to learn this much about the tour simply to help Blake out so that more people didn’t have to be involved than necessary from outside of their group. Their group. Blake looked around; they were all so beautiful. When had she become friends with all of these beautiful people. Why did they care about her? It felt like a trap. It felt like it was high school all over again, and Scarlet was about to come out from around a corner and throw some pigs blood on her. It took a moment before Blake realized she was starting to hyperventilate. She was not Blake Renner. She was not married to Logan. She didn’t know how to go through with a tour. She backed away, holding her hand against her stomach before she started to run away. There were a couple who called after her, but it was Shane’s voice who she calmly heard, say toward Mackenzie, “No, I’ll get Logan.”
Blake moved through the label that she did not recognize, traveling through the maze of awards with her face on it that didn’t actually belong to her. She reached down, grabbing the knob to the supply closet door before she went in and sat down on the floor. Blake pulled her knees up, wrapping her arms tightly around them before placing her forehead on her knees. And just like that, she was a junior in highschool again. Scarlet had locked her in a closet after taking her clothes in gym, so that she was sitting there in her towel. Her hair had been wild and curly from her shower, her fingertips covered in bandaids from playing guitar, and the tears soaking down her cheeks to the point that it looked like she had just stepped out of the shower. There had been rustling outside, an irritated sounding voice, keys continuously trying to open the door, to find the correct one. Logan had opened the door, looking to the side when he realized she was in a towel. He’d taken his jacket off and offered it to her, not saying much. Maybe it was because he didn’t know what to say to her, maybe it was because he knew she was mortified. But she would never know, because she would never ask him. He would never be hers. Except, here she was, clinging to her own legs with a wedding ring on her left hand. Her hair this morning had been curly as well, yet it was shorter than it had been in highschool. It was pinned halfway up, letting the other curls frame her face the same way it had junior year. The mascara still fell down her cheeks. She was the same girl she always had been; nothing had changed. Which is why when she noticed the light had been turned on, that she looked up and noticed Logan. That had changed. He leaned against the doorframe, causing Blake to shakily wipe the tears and mascara from her face before she stood up. She started to say something, opening her mouth to try and think of anything that could explain why she was falling apart. But whether or not she understood it, he felt right. Whether or not she could ever believe that he would want to be with her, here he was standing in the doorframe. He was hurting just as much as she was. Blake sniffed, pushing some of the curls from her face before she stepped to him and wrapped her arms as tightly as possible around him. Blake leaned into him, clutching her grip tightly around him as she buried her face into the side of his neck. She was lost, but he was home.
