Post by Dani Marie Cooper on Jul 12, 2015 16:13:26 GMT -5
Raw. That was the one word that came to Dani’s mind as she tried to find a wayto explain her and Jake’s emotions. Whatever they felt, it was raw. Laughter was real and tear inducing. Anger prompted neighbors to call the police. It was toxic. It was addicting. But without it, she’d drown. It’s almost as though Jake was the one thing keeping her alive. And honestly, she hated those girls. The ones who depended on their man for anything and everything. But she and Jake didn’t just blindly accept things. They fought. But that was the thing… they had fought to get to this point. As much as they fought with each other, they fought for each other. It wasn’t all anger and secrets. It was mornings of sleeping in, going days without makeup and still feeling like the most beautiful girl in the world, laughing as he tried to teach her some of the dance moves he was learning in the kitchen of their home. There was no one else that would care for her the way that he did, and she knew above anything else, that no one could love him the way she did.
So when she came to the conclusion that he was cheating on her, it had rocked everything she knew. He was gone so often for this show he was doing with Charlie. He was acting secretive again, and she had run out of fathers to have killed. One time, when she had been really suspicious about where she had going, she had convinced Libby to follow him with her. He hadn’t been at the dance studio like he promised. She had three options; leave him, make him pay for it, or keep silent. And this was the first time in her relationship where she was genuinely worried. It was the first time they hadn’t been ‘raw’ with one another. She was upset and instead of talking about it, she did her best to pretend that it didn’t worry her when he disappeared. She was hiding things from him now, too. And after weeks of speculation and worry, she’d come to a revelation that she never thought would make sense for her…. It wasn’t worth leaving him over. She felt betrayed, and hurt. But it was nothing compared to the loss she would feel of losing him if she just didn’t make the choice to forgive him.
The worries of their past, the fights, the lies, the betrayal, the fact that they started a relationship by hurting someone, and now this… what she felt was their biggest challenge, had spun together into a wonderful mess that allowed her to record a variety of new songs that were coming together for her album. A few weeks ago, the day she made the choice to stay with him despite his cheating, she wrote The Heart Wants What It Wants with Shane and Ryan. Blake hadn’t been acting herself lately, so Dani didn’t want to burden her with writing a new song. There were so many times in recording that she wanted to pause it, go search for Joel to see what he thought of the track, but she’d drop her hand and stop herself. It was like a fresh bullet wound, tearing the flesh of her heart open each time she remembered that he wasn’t here anymore. How could she pretend she had a problem with Jake, when so many others were trying desperately to hold onto things that weren’t there anymore? It came down to the simple fact that no one was perfect. She had someone that loved her, and for that, she was lucky. Happy endings were fluid, and she couldn’t imagine a life without breathless moments with Jake.
But still, she had released The Heart Wants What It Wants, made the video, and let itbe released without mentioning a damn word about it to Jake. It would come on the television, she’d look in his direction, but then find some way to make herself unavailable to talk to him. She didn’t want to talk to him about it. And her music in the past had been such a way to communicate with him. Come and Get It had been the ‘ im ready for us to be together’ anthem of their relationship. The Heart Wants What It Wants was this therapeutic thing for her, where it was almost like she wanted him to know that she still loved him and accepted him, but she wasn’t strong enough to allow herself to talk to him about it yet. And what whiplash he must have been receiving, because just as soon as the Heart Wants What It Wants music video was released, the single for Good For You was out.
Dani stepped into their apartment, having just finished the last day of shooting the Good For You music video. She could hear the water running, looking over at the time flashing on one of their clocks. She sighed, dropping her bag at the side. It was little things.. like him showering this late at night that worried her. Maybe he had an exhausting rehearsal. But in her mind since she had already decided he was cheating, it was just him trying to wash away Charlie. She moved through their apartment, kicking her heels off and starting to unbutton her shirt as she approached their bedroom. Taking in a deep breath, she held onto it tightly, looking at the door that separated her from the shower he was in. Was it possible that Jake was a drug? Because that thought had flashed in her mind every day since this all began. It’s like every time she got down, or worried, or overwhelmed by everything, she just needed one more hit. She let her breath out, squaring her shoulders before she took off the rest of her clothes and went into the shower to join him. Dani stepped into the steam, wrapping her hand around his arm as she kissed the back of his shoulder resting her forehead against his skin as she closed her eyes tightly.
So when she came to the conclusion that he was cheating on her, it had rocked everything she knew. He was gone so often for this show he was doing with Charlie. He was acting secretive again, and she had run out of fathers to have killed. One time, when she had been really suspicious about where she had going, she had convinced Libby to follow him with her. He hadn’t been at the dance studio like he promised. She had three options; leave him, make him pay for it, or keep silent. And this was the first time in her relationship where she was genuinely worried. It was the first time they hadn’t been ‘raw’ with one another. She was upset and instead of talking about it, she did her best to pretend that it didn’t worry her when he disappeared. She was hiding things from him now, too. And after weeks of speculation and worry, she’d come to a revelation that she never thought would make sense for her…. It wasn’t worth leaving him over. She felt betrayed, and hurt. But it was nothing compared to the loss she would feel of losing him if she just didn’t make the choice to forgive him.
The worries of their past, the fights, the lies, the betrayal, the fact that they started a relationship by hurting someone, and now this… what she felt was their biggest challenge, had spun together into a wonderful mess that allowed her to record a variety of new songs that were coming together for her album. A few weeks ago, the day she made the choice to stay with him despite his cheating, she wrote The Heart Wants What It Wants with Shane and Ryan. Blake hadn’t been acting herself lately, so Dani didn’t want to burden her with writing a new song. There were so many times in recording that she wanted to pause it, go search for Joel to see what he thought of the track, but she’d drop her hand and stop herself. It was like a fresh bullet wound, tearing the flesh of her heart open each time she remembered that he wasn’t here anymore. How could she pretend she had a problem with Jake, when so many others were trying desperately to hold onto things that weren’t there anymore? It came down to the simple fact that no one was perfect. She had someone that loved her, and for that, she was lucky. Happy endings were fluid, and she couldn’t imagine a life without breathless moments with Jake.
But still, she had released The Heart Wants What It Wants, made the video, and let itbe released without mentioning a damn word about it to Jake. It would come on the television, she’d look in his direction, but then find some way to make herself unavailable to talk to him. She didn’t want to talk to him about it. And her music in the past had been such a way to communicate with him. Come and Get It had been the ‘ im ready for us to be together’ anthem of their relationship. The Heart Wants What It Wants was this therapeutic thing for her, where it was almost like she wanted him to know that she still loved him and accepted him, but she wasn’t strong enough to allow herself to talk to him about it yet. And what whiplash he must have been receiving, because just as soon as the Heart Wants What It Wants music video was released, the single for Good For You was out.
Dani stepped into their apartment, having just finished the last day of shooting the Good For You music video. She could hear the water running, looking over at the time flashing on one of their clocks. She sighed, dropping her bag at the side. It was little things.. like him showering this late at night that worried her. Maybe he had an exhausting rehearsal. But in her mind since she had already decided he was cheating, it was just him trying to wash away Charlie. She moved through their apartment, kicking her heels off and starting to unbutton her shirt as she approached their bedroom. Taking in a deep breath, she held onto it tightly, looking at the door that separated her from the shower he was in. Was it possible that Jake was a drug? Because that thought had flashed in her mind every day since this all began. It’s like every time she got down, or worried, or overwhelmed by everything, she just needed one more hit. She let her breath out, squaring her shoulders before she took off the rest of her clothes and went into the shower to join him. Dani stepped into the steam, wrapping her hand around his arm as she kissed the back of his shoulder resting her forehead against his skin as she closed her eyes tightly.
