[Logan] Only Me When I'm With You

[Blake Emma Renner]

So Riley had been adamant that he and Blake talk earlier tonight..about Logan He was just convinced that something was going on between the two of them. She laid in bed, tapping her fingers against her stomach as she replayed the conversation in her mind. He was so sure, so confident. When in reality, Blake was not sure or confident in anything she felt. There was a screech of tires outside.. the ones that she had learned all too well. Blake turned her head to look at her window, waiting to see if anything else would come from it. Nope. Logan’s dad left following some argument…again. His stepmom had left for the week, and it seemed like her presence there usually provided some form of buffer. Left to their own devices, Logan and his father would attack each other at their throats. She sighed, pushed the covers off of herself before she quietly started to dig through the drawers for something else to put on. Blake tiredly pulled on a pair of blue jean shorts, not caring which hoodie she pulled on over her white tank. She had just recently gotten contacts, which she struggled with for a few moments before finally figuring it out. As she made her way downstairs she stopped in the kitchen, grabbing the leftovers from the fridge that she had planned on bringing him later anyway. Lasagna, garlic bread, salad… She even took the milk carton and put it in a basket. Blake snuck out of the house quietly before making her way toward his house. She put her arm through the loop on the basket, climbing the tree as carefully as she could before stepping onto the small roofing between his window and what would surely be death if she fell. Blake scrunched her nose, pressing her body against the side of the house before knocking her fist against his window.

[Logan Chase Renner]

It shouldn't have been a big deal to leave them alone in the house together, but Logan hated when his step-mom left. When she did, he and his father were left to themselves and their own issues. It always ended in some explosive fight with Logan stewing over every mistake and thing he wished he could change, and his father peeling out of the driveway only to stumble in late at night and pass out on the couch. These were the nights Logan hid from his friends. All of Logan's relationships ended in explosive fights. His father, Scarlet, Lance... Logan shot up from where he lay on his bed when he heard the soft tapping on the window. Blake was like a lighthouse in a storm. So young carefree. Her problems consisted of breaking a guitar string or running out of eggs when she was baking. She always seemed to know when he needed an escape. Logan got up and went to the window, sliding it open quickly and reached out to grab her basket and set it down inside. "When was the last time you used the front door?" He took her arm, and helped her in the window, wondering if she'd had a similar conversation with Riley today like Logan had. Riley had been pretty sure something was going between Logan and Blake. Though when Logan told him there wasn't, Riley asked if Logan wanted there to be something going on between them. The answer was yes, but the answer he told Riley was that it didn't matter what Logan wanted. Blake deserved someone exceptional; like her dad said, there was no man good enough for her in this town and he was right. Logan wasn't right for her either; he never wanted to be the person that came in and make her perfect little world crumble around her. He had too much baggage that he didn't want to weigh her down with. And she would be on to bigger and better things soon enough. "Is this lasagna?" he asked, peeking into the basket before turning around to grab the bottle from his desk, "I've got whiskey," he shrugged with a frown. He thought there was no way she had someone missed world war 3 that had just happened at the Renner house.

[Blake Emma Renner]

Blake crouched down to get through the window. "There's a front door?" she asked jokingly. Once she was inside she set the basket down, crossing her arms over her stomach as she turned to look at him. Whiskey. Of course he had whiskey in his drawer. She gave a half hearted smile. "Want to eat it outside? It's really nice out," she said, tugging at the side of his shirt before picking the basket back up and making her way out into the hallway. She would've brought lasagna over for him and his dad sooner, seeing as how she didn't exactly trust that they ate well when his stepmother was gone. But there never seemed like a good time with the sound of yelling and slamming doors. But now she had Logan all to herself. Which.. according to what Riley was accusing her of earlier, was exactly what she wanted. Blake stopped to grab them a couple of glasses, be it for the milk or the whiskey. Just a quick trip to the living room, where she grabbed her favorite blanket, and she was on her way to the sand... her own private getaway with Logan. Or at least, that's how it often felt. Blake set the basket down, spreading out the blanket before she sat down and started to dig the food out for Logan. She could ask about his brother and father. Hell, she could hear Scarlet and him fighting about how he never wanted to open up. But, she knew that story. She knew how Logan felt. She knew that bringing it up would just bring him into that world, when he so desperately deserved to be out of it.. even for a moment. "I wrote a new song!" she said excitedly, picking up her phone and started to fumble through it. "Okay," she said, scooting closer to him so that she could show him the lyrics.

[Logan Chase Renner]

Logan nodded, outside seemed like a good idea. He needed some fresh air to cool off after his messed up day. He and his dad, and of course Scarlet was always trying to help but for some reason he just didn't want to talk to her about it. Which pissed her off; so now they were on the outs. Lance wouldn't even return his calls most days. Blake was buzzing around like a busy bee, grabbing glasses and a blanket and Logan watched her with the bottle of whiskey, pulling the top off and took a swig. Logan sat down and watched her get the food out before she excitedly told him that she'd written a new song and pulled her phone out to show him. Logan actually loved seeing Blake's new songs because for starters, it was music that they'd had in common from day one, and also he sort of liked trying to figure out which parts might be about him. Logan leaned in closer so that he could read, taking a bite of lasagna. "Hmm," he said as he read, taking another bite of food. "I like it." he always wondered if he should bring it to her attention that he knew it was about him. Logan nudged the whiskey bottle in her direction politely. He wondered if she could tell he was thinking about it or if she thought he was just thinking about all the other bull shit from his day.

[Blake Emma Renner]

Blake leaned closer to Logan so that the phone was visible to him. And really, who wouldn't want to lean into those shoulders? She waited as he read the lyrics, sort of holding her breath in anticipation. But the moment that he said he liked it, she relaxed slightly. "Good, I mean.. it's not really a radio single. But it'll be a fun one to record. The label is sort of pressuring me to get a bunch of different singles ready for the next album already," she said, already knowing that she hated the label she was with. It felt like they were constantly trying to push or nudge her in a direction that she did not want to go with her career. She looked over at Logan, smiling sheepishly as she thought about the fact that they had come so far in the short amount of time that they knew each other. She looked at the whiskey, scrunching her nose slightly. Whiskey was definitely not her drink, but it wasn't like she had come over here for herself. If Logan was drinking whiskey tonight, then I guess she was too. She held her breath for a moment before taking a drink of it, though it was almost guaranteed that she didn't look like she was enjoying it before she set the bottle back in the sand, looking out at the water as it came to the shore. The water and the sand always made Blake feel at home, or at peace with Logan. Which was weird considering how much time she spent growing up on farms, and now the shore felt like home. Or maybe being beside him did. But no matter how often the water moved away from the shore, it always came back. Sort of how her and Logan were with one another. Blake looked over at him, narrowing her eyebrows as it was obvious that something was on his mind. It wasn't like he was one to just talk about things that he didn't want to, but clearly something was bugging him that he was debating about whether or not to mention to her. " Doin' okay over there?" she asked, giving his side a slight nudge with her elbow.

[Logan Chase Renner]

Logan sighed, "Yeah, labels are kind of pushy aren't they?" Wasn't that the truth. Logan was dealing with his own record label pushiness. Logan just wanted to write music right now and possibly record at some point, and maybe possibly produce some time down the road. His label had other ideas about the direction of his career. Blake asked him if he was doing okay and Logan grabbed the whiskey and took another drink and then said, "I talked to Riley today." Logan glanced over at her, "Gave me an earful actually." He'd actually gotten and earful from a couple of people today. "Blake this is the second time one of your boyfriends has accused me of being more involved with you than we are." To be fair, they were more involved then they let on, most people didn't even know they were kind of secretly friends.

[Blake Emma Renner]

Blake wrapper her arms around her knees, pulling them close to her chest as she watched Logan. He definitely seemed to be mulling something over, but it wasn't what she was expecting. "Riley talked to you?" she said, making a slightly annoyed face. Jeez, guy. Give it a rest. She sighed, lifting her hand up to rub it over her face out of annoyance. But then when he said that this wasn't exactly the first time he had been questioned about what was going on between them, she looked over at him, giving him an expression similar to 'and what do you expect me to do about it'? Blake dropped her arms and sat up a little straighter. " Okay, well... I'm not sure what you want me to do with that information, Logan." she said, shrugging her shoulder. " I mean, yeah he's talked to me, too. And yeah, Chad also had issues but I mean..." Blake lift her eyebrow, trying to think of the best way to express herself. "I'm not entirely sure what you are expecting me to say about that. Maybe if people are coming to you and asking if there is something gone, then ... I don't know, maybe you're giving them a reason to think that there is,"

[Logan Chase Renner]

Logan looked at her with furrowed eyebrows, "Oh okay, I'm giving them a reason to think that. It's just me." Logan pointed to her phone, "You don't think you're adding to it at all? With you songs- your lyrics, the music videos?" It was like, Tim McGraw, okay that could have been about anybody, if you weren't Logan and didn't know other wise. Tear Drops on my Guitar was getting closer. But You Belong With Me had everyone at school talking. And Logan wasn't mad or upset about it, it was just that if it were going to be this obvious then maybe the pair of them should expect some heat from anyone he was dating. Logan just couldn't figure why she was dating Riley to begin with.

[Blake Emma Renner]

Blake immediately lifted her eyebrows when he started to point out the fact that some of her lyrics and music videos weren't exactly helping their current situation. She was an artist and musician, surely he of all people could understand that real life situations were cannon fodder for any artistic expression. " Just because I'm writing lyrics and making music videos doesn't mean it has to be a depiction of my life. I'm a teenage girl, I'm writing about stuff that literally every one in that school is feeling," she said defensively. " What the hell, Logan?" she questioned, finally turning so that she could face him. "I"m adding to it?" she asked, putting quotation marks in the air as she spoke. "What exactly am I adding to?" she questioned, lifting her eyebrow. Because if it was obvious that she cared about him, he was sort of like a fort, keeping everything locked down and behind closed doors.

[Logan Chase Renner]

Logan shook his head; she knew what she was adding to. And if she was fishing for him to say it he wasn't going to. Logan wasn't going to do any good. "Why are you even dating Riley?" He asked, not answering her question. "Forget I said anything." he said, reaching for his lasagna. "Date whoever you want." Logan knew he looked like an ass, because he really hated that she was dating Riley, and sure he was probably being an ass. It was just that Logan saw this other rally amazing side of Blake that other people, for sure not Riley, didn't get to see. They didn't deserve Blake Parker. He didn't really think he did either, which was why he wasn't about to tell her what he really felt. She was better off not knowing, thank knowing and not being able to do anything about it.

[Blake Emma Renner]

Blake couldn't stop the scoff that came from her as she listened to what he was saying, and more specifically what he wasn't saying. I mean sure, if he wanted to speculate that all of this stuff was about him - which it was - then wasn't it a fair statement that she was really putting herself out there? And for what? This hidden friendship? For him to know that she was pining over him and for him to do absolutely nothing about it? How was that fair? It wasn't. Instead, he got all of the benefit of having her in his life without actually offering her anything in return. She was the pathetic puppy staring out the window waiting for its' owner to return home. And even now when they were so close to the topic of talking about whatever the hell it was that was going on, he backs away... telling her that she can date whoever she wants. "Yeah. I can date whoever I want. Thanks for the permission," she said sarcastically to him before she stood up, starting to pack her things together. But then became so frustrated that she just gave up and left everything on the blanket entirely. "You don't get to have an opinion on who I date when you act like such a god damn coward," she said pointedly at him before she started to climb up the sandy slope to head home.

[Logan Chase Renner]

Logan stared at her as she took away his lasagna and he could see that he'd clearly pissed her off. He stood up too, having been involved in enough fights today, how about round 3? Sure. Logan began to follow after her when he heard her utter the word coward in his direction. He stopped briefly, his jaw clenching. Maybe he was being a coward. Maybe he didn't want to be the guy that ruined her. " A coward?!" Logan stormed after her, "You've got to be fucking kidding," grabbing her hand to stop her and got in her way. "You have it all figured out don't you? You've been spelling it all out and I'm the coward that doesn't have the guts to do something about it. That's what you think, that's how you see it? Well you know what? That's fine. Great actually, welcome to the goddamn club. You think I'm a coward, you and every one else." Lance thought he was a coward for not standing up to their father when he needed him to. Scarlet thought he was a coward every time he lied to her about Blake. His father just thought he was an asshole of a son who wasn't appreciative of anything. Now Blake was mad at him and Logan was 3 for 3 today on fucking up his own shit. Logan hadn't even realized he was yelling until he saw the look on her face, or realized how close to her he was standing.

[Blake Emma Renner]

Blake looked at the blanket on the sand that they had abandoned. The lasagna that she had carefully made for him earlier in the day, since he had mentioned something about craving it earlier in the week. Now the moonlight was bouncing off of the water. She had picked such a perfect song to show him. And now this? She looked at him, her face contorting to whatever shade of disappointment she hadn't encountered before, because no matter how many round and round games they played with one another, this had never been one of them. " Yes, Logan Renner. You're being a coward." she said again to him. Sure, maybe he was telling her to join a club. Maybe he was having a bad day. But these other people that he fought with, these people that were butting heads with him, they didn't give all of themselves to him. But she could feel it, the hot tears starting to form in her eyes. "And I don't know why you're doing this, but yes. You're a coward." she said, taking a really quick breath to stop herself from crying. " And a really mean one at that." she said, finally reaching up to brush away a runaway tear before he could see it hopefully. "And don't you dare tell me that I belong in a club of people who sees you for something less than you're worth. Don't you devalue how I see you. That's bullshit and you know it. You know exactly how I feel about you. You telling me to join that group of people just belittles everything about it. But then again maybe I am that stupid girl staring outside her window. Maybe you're a coward, and I'm an idiot."

[Logan Chase Renner]

Whatever frustration he was feeling was instantly gone when he realized he'd made her cry; how quickly his demeanor softened was as telltale a sign as any if she needed to know what he really thought about her. "No, please don't do that- I'm sorry. I'm being an asshole. You're not an idiot." Logan stopped himself from reaching up to wipe away at a tear, "See this, this," he motioned to her being clearly upset, "This is why- okay look." Logan let out a breath, not wanting to fight anymore, "I don't want to be at odds with you too, you're the best part of my day some days. It's just, I have this... baggage, and you're-" perfect. He stopped himself from finishing that sentence, true as it were. "Your dad told me there wasn't a single guy in this town that deserved you, and he was right. I'm not saying that to be stubborn, it's true. And don't think for a second I don't wish I was the 1% that might qualify for the job." Logan reached out, touching her hair before brushing some of it back, "I don't want to be the guy that breaks your heart." He took his hand away, unable to fully explain to her that he simply just thought she was too good and he didn't want to be the guy to dull her sparkle. "I'm sorry." For leading her on, yelling at her, for loving her hair too much. Logan backed away from her a little, rubbing his hand over his face and turned away slightly. Maybe he'd never admit it to a soul, but she scared him. Blake had a hold on him that he'd never anticipated, from day one. There was something about her that he knew one day he would give in and never look back. But right now he just couldn't bring himself to drag her into his bullshit problems. He was being selfish, but not that selfish.

[Blake Emma Renner]

Blake was essentially holding her breath, as though that were some means of effectively holding back tears. But it's like everything she had wanted since she moved to Los Angeles was within reach. A drowning man who was just about to grab onto a rope didn't feel the hope that she did in this moment. Would Logan actually just come out and admit to her that these private moments meant as much to him as they did to her? Nope. Not directly. He was just going to stand there and tell her how important she was, that she was the best part of some of his days, and then pull the floor out from underneath her. Blake let out a sharp sigh. He wished he was good enough for her? He agreed with her dad? Even the way he touched her hair before pulling back made her straighten her stance a little. "That is such horse shit, Renner." she said, trying to give a stern expression. "I get that you have a lot going on. Trust me.. I do." she said, putting her hands up slightly. "But when there's darkness in your life, that's when you are supposed to let light in. And do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I've gotten this far by being stupid? Or by choosing things that aren't good for me? Do you think it's not at ALL possible that whatever the hell is going on between us just MIGHT be more powerful than all of the other bullshit going on in your life?" Blake reached up, frustratedly pushing tears away. "What, are you afraid that you being in my life will somehow tarnish me? Because you're already the last thing I think about at night and the first thing on my mind when I wake up. You're everything that defeats a writers block. The songs you sing are the ones I start humming when doing chores. Your stupid jokes make me laugh when you're not around." she said, taking a deep breath and looking up to try and stop the tears. " I get all of the "tarnishing" effects of loving you, without the rewards," she said, giving a slight shake of her head.