[Shane] Too Afraid To Break It To Let It Bend

[Katy Alexis Sutton]

One of the things that made relationships easy for Kat was that she never got herself fully committed. But Shane was this .. perfect,amazing guy that she had fallen for. When she started to let him in, it didn’t feel like he was suffocating her, or asking her to change. It didn’t feel like they had become one person, they did things for each other but they only did it to make each other happy. He honestly understood her better than anyone in the entire world. He was single handedly the best thing that had ever happened to her, and she knew how blessed she was to have experienced being with him. She also knew she would never find a love that compared to how he made her feel. But.. with that, had to be unbearable pain. He’d be gone someday, whether it was because he died or because they ended things and it seemed like it made sense for it to be done before it got way, way too serious. “ How long have you two been married?”. While the question might make most couples smile and look at each other with flirty eyes, she knew without looking at Shane that it had hit him the same way it hit her. Marriage? But then again, if you looked at their friends.. maybe that WAS the road they were going down. It echoed in her thoughts for days after the stranger had asked them that and today she knew she had no other option.

Kat closed her eyes tightly as she tightened her grip against the kitchen counter. She was not a crier. At least, not usually. For some reason her body was not reacting to the idea of this very well at all, because she had this horrible nauseous feeling in the pit of her stomach. Kat took in a deep breath and stood away from the counter, making her way to the living room where Shane was playing xbox. “ Can you pause that for a second?” she asked before she placed her hands in her back pockets nervously. Kat never asked Shane to stop his games, so he probably knew that she had something important to say. “Um.. you are everything I never thought existed. And you made me feel things about myself that I never thought were possible.” she smiled faintly as she looked at him but then took in another quick breath. “ I would do… anything in the world for you. I mean, anything. If I had to chop my right arm off just to make you happy,I would. Which would suck cause that has my best tattoo. I want you to know.. that the time we’ve had together is.. perfect. And I don’t want to wait for it to turn sour, or for us to start resenting each other for being forced into a situation that isn’t us, for us to end things. “ she could feel the tears forming in her eyes again. Seriously, what the hell. She blinked awkwardly, trying to get them to stay back. “ I’m just going to pack a few things and I’ll stay somewhere else until I find a place,” she smiled again. She didn’t need to mention that she’d be looking in Malibu. ”We can have a full on battle over the xbox games on who bought what if you really want, but I’m going to just say that you can keep them all,”. She walked over to him and kneeled down, wrapping her arms around him tightly. She stopped herself from saying she loved him, if she did she’d probably break down and start crying, tell him that she didn’t mean any of it.

[Shane Alexander Madden]

Shane paused his game even though he was right in the middle of a really intense campaign but Kat never made him pause the game, she knew that shit was important. So whatever this was, was important. Shane looked up her, a little worried but the look on her face, and even deeper bothered by what she was saying. She didn't want to continue what they had so that it never got to that bad point of breaking up? It made sense to Shane, but it felt wrong. Hell being in a relationship felt weird most of the time, but it was because neither of them had ever really been in one before. He knew she was as scared of relationships as he was. Shane didn't really know what to say. While he didn't actually want things to end, he understood her fears. That they'd eventually get too serious, what they were both scared of, and then it would ruin everything they had going. He was stunned for a moment, trying to find something to say, because it felt so wrong, but logically she'd reasoned it out enough that it made sense and he felt she was right and it was for the best. Like, what did they know, they had no idea what they were getting into, they were just taking precautions, protecting themselves, right? She leaned down to hug him, but he could barely think enough to hug back. What on earth was he supposed to say in this situation? "Are we... we're breaking up." It wasn't exactly a question. He knew what was going on. But it didn't make it hurt any less.

So she was dumping him? But she was doing it for both of them, so neither of them got hurt. The one thing they were both scared of, getting serious, it was just so they never had to go through it. Deep down it felt all wrong, but... she looked like she'd made her mind up and if this was what she wanted, he'd do whatever that was. Hell, she'd convinced herself, she'd convinced him it was the right thing to do. Maybe she was right. Maybe it was time to just rip off the band aid before they got in too deep. "Okay, I mean... if that's what you want, then I guess, I want that too..." He wasn't all that sure what else to say to her.

[Katy Alexis Sutton]

Kat held her breath, only because it seemed like it was keeping her from crying. And Shane asking , then stating the fact that they were breaking up didn’t exactly make her feel any better about her choice. It wasn’t just for her, it was for him too. He didn’t want this. They said all along that it wouldn’t turn into anything serious and here they were… living together, because the things that they felt for each other were,.. are serious. They already crossed that line and it was better to get out now before other people were involved. Like kids. She was a little stunned though when he said that he wanted it too, since she hadn’t really expected that. In all honesty,she should have expected it but she felt the pain for it come out of nowhere. He wanted to end things with her too? She never said she wanted this. It was her brain talking, it’s what made sense logically. But he had said it, he wanted it. Kat bit the inside of her cheek again, this time so she could focus on that pain instead of the sting of what his words had caused.

Kat kept her arm wrapped around his neck as she used her hand to quickly brush away the tears and sniffled quietly, though it didn’t matter since she was right next to his ear. She closed her eyes, not wanting to let him go. Literally and emotionally. After a few more moments she leaned away from him, keeping her hands wrapped around his neck. “ I really do love you,” she said under her breath. Being with Shane had been easier than breathing but that’s why they needed to do this.Atleast, that’s what her brain was telling her.Her heart however felt completely different about the situation, and her heart was what led her to what she did next. Kat sighed quietly before she leaned closer into him and kissed him.She didn’t want to know when their last kiss would be, she didn’t want to be too focused on how warm his body felt beneath her. Without thinking she leaned closer into him, moving her hands away from his neck and wrapping her arms around it tightly.Kat eased herself into his lap and held to him tightly as she kissed him.

[Shane Alexander Madden]

Shane took a deep breath as she hugged him managing to at least hug her back. He just felt so blindsided, he didn't see this coming. He wondered if there was some sign, or something he had missed. Something eh was supposed to have picked up on, but he couldn't think of anything. He just felt lost. He brought himself to look at her when she said she loved him, trying to find a weak spot, searching her eyes for something he could call her out on. Like maybe she was kidding. Or maybe she was out of her mind. But she was serious. "Me too." he said quietly, looking down at his controller. Why hadn't he seen this coming? He looked up as she leaned in to kiss him. It was so easy. So easy to just give in to her, she played him like guitar. She had him wrapped around her finger, and her he was, falling back into place, fitting into her like puzzle pieces. He subconsciously brought a hand up to her waist, just like he always did. It took a moment before he realized that this would be the last time he kissed her. Why was she even kissing him? She was the one dumping him, it didn't have to be harder then it really was. If she was going to break up with him, she may as well just rip the band aid off, make a clean cut. Because breaking his heart and then kissing him was just confusing him. And making it harder on him. Shane gently pushed her away, pulling out of the kiss, frowning, "Katy... don't make this harder then it has to be... please..." He felt horrible, he knew she'd be hurt by it, but he had to do it for himself.

[Katy Alexis Sutton]

Shane was the kind of guy that you only came across once in a lifetime. She’d dated guys before but Shane had literally come into her life and turned her upside down. He was this talented , amazing man who had been everything that Kat would have described as her perfect man. Except , he didn’t want anything serious either. Which meant she had to give him what he wanted. If only her perfect man had a different outlook on love than she once had, she would’ve been selfish enough to keep him in a relationship. But she couldn’t do that to Shane. When his hand reached for her waist she felt her heart both jump and break at the same time. How strange it was to think that no matter what guy kissed her next, she’d be waiting for Shane’s hand to be on her waist. Even more strange, Shane wouldn’t be the next guy she kissed. He wouldn’t be the next for anything, which was so unfair cause she wanted him to be her last everything.

Kat felt her heartbeat pick up as Shane pushed her away from him but she tightened her jaw and straightened herself out. She had to expect that this was going to happen. She had to have known that he wasn’t going to peachy with it. She wasn’t okay with it and she was the one doing it. As much as it broke her heart to have him push her away like that, she also really understood it. He needed to do what he needed to do, and Kat would rather him do what was best for himself than ever pretend with her. Like she sort of was with him. She byfar cared more about his wellbeing and happiness than she cared about her own, so if that meant her last kiss with him had turned to shit then… well, she’d carry that memory around for as long as she needed to. Because in the end Shane got to make a choice, he didn’t want to kiss her. So she wouldn’t make him, he deserved a choice in something. “… Game over..” she said in a whisper before she gave him a faint smile. Kat turned and looked at the stairs but instead decided she would just leave whatever the hell she had there. It would be too hard to go upstairs and pack everything and leave, knowing that they were both in the same place.. hurting. Kat walked over to the coffee table quietly and picked up Shane’s phone. She scrolled down to her name and deleted herself, not out of spite or out of anger. She just thought it would make things easier, for him especially. And for her. She was in love with the man, how was she supposed to pretend random text messages every now and then were okay. And if anything they’d bring more pain than happiness. Kat set the phone down and opened her mouth to say something as she looked back at Shane. Instead, she felt her throat close up. There it was again.. why the hell was her body so determined to reject what she was doing? She shook her head, trying to think of something, anything to say to him. It wasn’t every day people used the ‘I’m breaking up with you because I love you’ line. Slowly she backed away and headed to the front door, trying to be as quiet as possible as she left. She’d already caused enough damage for the both of them. Once she was outside she leaned her back against the door and held her hand tightly over her mouth as she closed her eyes. What were you supposed to do when the one person who was capable of changing your outlook on love, had the same one as you did. Love hurt more than anything else in the world, it was painful and challenging. It was the one thing that could completely shatter your entire existence, and you couldn’t even touch it. It took being brave to be able to love someone, to let them love you.

[Shane Alexander Madden]

Shane sat still and quiet. He had nothing to say. He was sad, and angry, and stunned, taken by surprise, he felt like he was dreaming and he'd wake up and she'd be laying next to him and he could take a deep breath and know this never happened. He didn't even want to look at her, didn't want to see what she took with him, other then his damn heart and all that went with it. He loved her, he really did, that's why he felt so horrible. For all that he'd ever experienced with love and women, the little experience he had, he couldn't even relate to his own feelings, because he'd never been in this situation. With Jasey it had been so different, he'd left her, and left himself with guilt. But he really did love Katy, and she'd just walked out, taking the parts of him with her he never anticipated giving to anyone, ever. At one point he thought he might be a bachelor forever, thinking he'd never get over that fear of a relationship. But Katy made it so easy. He didn't have to try to make things work with her, they just had, effortlessly. And she'd walked out of his life just as easily, not to mention he'd let her.

Shane sat motionless for only a second longer before he realized how long he'd been sitting there and imagine how long gone she was probably already. How long had he sat and stared at the wall? how long had she been gone, five, ten minutes? Fifteen tops? He looked over at the coffee table frantically, locating his cell phone before picking it up. He'd call her. He'd call her right now, tell her to come back, tell her he thought getting hurt was worth risking, because being with out her sucked and it had barely been ten minutes. But as he scrolled through his phone, he couldn't find her number. No Katy, no Kat, no LIGHTS, not anything that sounded like her in his phone. She'd deleted her number. Shane clenched his fist, taking a deep breath before giving up trying to stay calm and threw his arm, his cell phone hitting the wall and breaking. Fuck, now he might need a new one. he didn't even want to go examine the damage, not of his phone, not of his self, not of his broken heart. He sat down o the couch, letting himself flop over, staring at the ceiling. Now what was he supposed to do?