Post by Claire Jayne Madden on May 18, 2012 12:29:29 GMT -5
Claire stretched out the elastic headband, pulling it on over her messy hair as she stepped through the doors of ABA. Well, this felt weird. She adjusted the strap of her duffel bag against her shoulder before she turned down the hallway and made her way towards her old practice studio. She wasn’t really here for school, which was strange. She never thought she would walk these hallways again since she had been signed. But Brayden had been born, a lot earlier than she expected, a lot earlier than anyone expected. It gave her a little bit more time to get ready for the company that had signed her. Carter had agreed to help her, which was convenient considering he already knew her body so well from choreographing for her at the academy. “ Hey,” Claire said as she opened the door to the studio and came inside, setting her stuff down. ‘ Are you sure you had a baby?” Carter asked as he walked over towards her. “ Mmm.” she said as she placed her hands on her hip. “ Most women go for the double bacon cheeseburger after labor. I went for the cayenne pepper-lemon water diet.” she said as she stood in front of him. ‘ Is that healthy? Are you even supposed to be exercising yet…let alone dancing?’ he questioned as she stretched her arms out. “ Well I’m here aren’t I?”. Claire dropped her arms as Carter smirked, ‘ That doesn’t mean it’s right’. Claire rolled her neck to each side, stepping over to the barre before she traced her fingers over it lightly.
The first practice had been the hardest, trying to perform the same way she had pre-pregnancy had taken a toll on her body and as she laid against the wooden surface of the floor, gasping for breath with her hands spread out to the side, she knew part of her problem. She needed her body back. But not just that, she needed it better, thinner. And just like that she fell back into her old routine when she had first started ballet… but somehow she managed to make it worse. Instead of eating her chicken and broccoli, she merely just cut it up into tiny pieces to make it look like she ate some of it and offered quick smiles to Shane. Ten mile runs, hours and hours at the studio, going off some lemon water and cayenne pepper diet. Even when she wasn’t technically working out, she was doing things to try and ‘work out’. Lunges across the living room in order to pick up Brayden, walking pointe across her and Shane’s home. She needed to get her body trained back to what it was supposed to be. People didn’t give these opportunities to eighteen year old girls still technically in high school. And after all of her hard work, she had actually managed to lower herself down to actually ten less pounds than she was before she got pregnant. Except not everyone was as happy for her as she was for herself. After tightening her belt on her jeans that were hanging loosely on her hips now she heard a knock at the door and turned to go down to get it, but Shane had beat her to it. ‘Hey mate’ Ethans’ voice echoed through the house before she could hear him coo over Brayden. ‘ Oh you little Joey, come here’ he said. Claire came down the stairs, watching as Ethan took Brayden in his arms, smiling down at him before he looked up at Claire and a look of disappointment came across his features. ‘ Here’ he said, offering him back to Shane. Ethan headed into the kitchen and grabbed himself an apple before he sat back down against the couch in the living room. ‘ You mates see the paper today?’ he asked as he unfolded it and leaned back. “ Anything good?” she asked. ‘ Well there’s some stuff about the Hunger Games,.. people are pretty excited I guess. There’s some stuff about Shane not being on tour and the mixture of being upset and being excited that his fans are for his situation,” he said before he bit into the apple.
“ Well I am an excited fan,” she said, sitting down on the couch and pulling her legs up onto the cushions. ‘ Listen to this’ Ethan said, chewing his piece of apple as he looked at the newspaper and pointed at it as he spoke outloud, ‘ Young mother sacrifices everything in the name of her career. It was said that the day she became a mother was the happiest day of her life, yet just weeks after giving birth it seemed like that still wasn’t enough for her. She pushed and pushed herself to the limit until she all but wasted away. In fact, due to her own carelessness she passed away before she had a chance to marry the love of her life, and sacrificed getting a chance to see the wonderful life that they brought into this world grow up and most likely follow in his fathers footsteps,” Ethan said, taking another bite of his apple. “ Oh my gosh… how sad for the dad.” she said quietly, placing her chin on her knee. [ i] ‘ Glad you like it.. cause I’m going to have them run it when you kill yourself by what you’re doing[/i] he said, throwing the newspaper at her. Claire frowned, picking up the newspaper to look for the story that he had just read, but it wasn’t there. She looked away from the paper and to Shane before looking at Ethan. “ What, you’re here to lecture me?” she asked, lifting her eyebrow at him. ‘All I did was tell a story about a stupid girl,” he said, putting his hand on the armrest and standing up. ‘ You’re killing yourself. And you’re making Shane and I watch you do it.’ he said before standing in front of her. ‘ It’d be cheaper and faster to just put a bullet in your brain. Then the rest of us wouldn’t have to watch it happen each day. Claire.. we all want you to dance, too. We want to see it. You have to be alive for that to happen,” he said before walking back over to Shane where he leaned down and gave Brayden a kiss on the side of his head and made his way back out the door.
Claire clenched her jaw, throwing a glance at Shane before she pushed herself off of the couch and went upstairs to their room, slamming the door behind her. It had been hard to get herself to sleep tonight, harder to wake up the next morning. But her alarm went off at about 6 am and after hitting the snooze button about a dozen times, waking up was the worst, she finally got out of bed after begging Shane to start a shower for her .When she was finished, she let her hair dry, which happened quickly considering she was running around the house to get ready. Once it did she pulled it on the top of her head, wrapping it tightly into a bun. Claire pulled on a pair of tights and pulled on a pair of black cotton shorts over them before she took one of Shane’s flannel shirts and pulled it on over a black tank top, tying the ends of it so that it didn’t cover her waist or hips. She stared at the mirror for a second before she took in a deep breath and turned to get a sideways look of her body in the mirror. Her fingers curved against the indent of her ribs, curving against the concave form that it had taken. She tried pushing it out but then looked away, turning straight back into the mirror. She adjusted her hair and came into their bedroom, pulling her uggs on before she picked up her pointe shoes by two fingertips and leaned down, giving Shane a kiss before she ran out of their home.
The entire cab ride to her company she looked down at her legs, placing her hand underneath her thigh and trying to push up to make it look bigger. She wasn’t killing herself… didn’t Ethan understand that a ballet dancer’s body had to be like this? She frowned, narrowing her eyebrows as she looked at the rest of her body. I mean, sure.. on anyone else this was probably disgusting, but.. it was her dream. How was she supposed to be successful, how was she supposed to be the best if she didn’t give it her all? Surely Ethan had mentioned something to Dalton. Around him she had been wearing a lot of sweatpants, baggy sweatshirts, trying to hide her body. But why would she do that if she didn’t already know that Dalton wouldn’t approve? Claire shook her head, looking up to look out of the window. They just didn’t understand. No one did. No one judged the artists at Taboo for how they treated their instruments, her body was hers. She wanted the best out of it, right? And how was Brayden going to be proud of his mother if she wasn’t the best? She had to be. She was. She had to hold onto it. Once the cab stopped, Claire stepped out and stood in front of the double doors. The last time she had stood outside of a ballet building wearing Shane’s flannel had been her audition for ABA,… now she was a principal in a company. Claire watched as some of the girls went inside and then promptly followed. She walked down the long hallway, stopping to look at the picture of herself on the wall, displaying her as a principal. She hadn’t seen it yet and felt a flutter in her heart as she held on tightly to her pointe shoes and looked up at herself. Finally she pulled herself away from it, stepping into rehearsals which had already started. “Clarissa…” the choreographer said with a stunned tone, ‘ We weren’t expecting you for.. 4 to 6 weeks..’ he said. Claire stepped out of her uggs and kneeled down, pointing her toes downward as she pulled her pointe onto her foot and started lacing it up quickly. “ Yeah, I… “ she started, about to say that she had delivered early but looked at the other girls and guys in the room. It was strange, but admitting she just had a baby would be seen as a weakness to this group of people. “ I’m ready earlier than I thought,” she said, looking at the choreographer who gave a knowing nod. ‘ And you’ve been… cleared?” he asked. Claire appreciated that he was asking about the doctors, without putting the subject out for everyone to know about. They already knew, they were dancing with a girl who was an understudy to her for a reason and they knew it. “ I’m here,” she said, ignoring his question as she made her way to the front of the room. Ignoring him.. ignoring doctors.. Claire smiled at the girl who had been dancing her part, “ Thanks for keeping the seat warm for me,” she said and the girl gave a defeated look to the choreographer, almost pleading to keep her spot before he tilted his head for her to head back into a different formation. ‘ Is she seriously wearing flannel?’ one of the male dancers asked behind her and Claire smiled to herself slowly as she looked up into the mirror and brought herself up into a pointe stance instantly.
Outfit
The first practice had been the hardest, trying to perform the same way she had pre-pregnancy had taken a toll on her body and as she laid against the wooden surface of the floor, gasping for breath with her hands spread out to the side, she knew part of her problem. She needed her body back. But not just that, she needed it better, thinner. And just like that she fell back into her old routine when she had first started ballet… but somehow she managed to make it worse. Instead of eating her chicken and broccoli, she merely just cut it up into tiny pieces to make it look like she ate some of it and offered quick smiles to Shane. Ten mile runs, hours and hours at the studio, going off some lemon water and cayenne pepper diet. Even when she wasn’t technically working out, she was doing things to try and ‘work out’. Lunges across the living room in order to pick up Brayden, walking pointe across her and Shane’s home. She needed to get her body trained back to what it was supposed to be. People didn’t give these opportunities to eighteen year old girls still technically in high school. And after all of her hard work, she had actually managed to lower herself down to actually ten less pounds than she was before she got pregnant. Except not everyone was as happy for her as she was for herself. After tightening her belt on her jeans that were hanging loosely on her hips now she heard a knock at the door and turned to go down to get it, but Shane had beat her to it. ‘Hey mate’ Ethans’ voice echoed through the house before she could hear him coo over Brayden. ‘ Oh you little Joey, come here’ he said. Claire came down the stairs, watching as Ethan took Brayden in his arms, smiling down at him before he looked up at Claire and a look of disappointment came across his features. ‘ Here’ he said, offering him back to Shane. Ethan headed into the kitchen and grabbed himself an apple before he sat back down against the couch in the living room. ‘ You mates see the paper today?’ he asked as he unfolded it and leaned back. “ Anything good?” she asked. ‘ Well there’s some stuff about the Hunger Games,.. people are pretty excited I guess. There’s some stuff about Shane not being on tour and the mixture of being upset and being excited that his fans are for his situation,” he said before he bit into the apple.
“ Well I am an excited fan,” she said, sitting down on the couch and pulling her legs up onto the cushions. ‘ Listen to this’ Ethan said, chewing his piece of apple as he looked at the newspaper and pointed at it as he spoke outloud, ‘ Young mother sacrifices everything in the name of her career. It was said that the day she became a mother was the happiest day of her life, yet just weeks after giving birth it seemed like that still wasn’t enough for her. She pushed and pushed herself to the limit until she all but wasted away. In fact, due to her own carelessness she passed away before she had a chance to marry the love of her life, and sacrificed getting a chance to see the wonderful life that they brought into this world grow up and most likely follow in his fathers footsteps,” Ethan said, taking another bite of his apple. “ Oh my gosh… how sad for the dad.” she said quietly, placing her chin on her knee. [ i] ‘ Glad you like it.. cause I’m going to have them run it when you kill yourself by what you’re doing[/i] he said, throwing the newspaper at her. Claire frowned, picking up the newspaper to look for the story that he had just read, but it wasn’t there. She looked away from the paper and to Shane before looking at Ethan. “ What, you’re here to lecture me?” she asked, lifting her eyebrow at him. ‘All I did was tell a story about a stupid girl,” he said, putting his hand on the armrest and standing up. ‘ You’re killing yourself. And you’re making Shane and I watch you do it.’ he said before standing in front of her. ‘ It’d be cheaper and faster to just put a bullet in your brain. Then the rest of us wouldn’t have to watch it happen each day. Claire.. we all want you to dance, too. We want to see it. You have to be alive for that to happen,” he said before walking back over to Shane where he leaned down and gave Brayden a kiss on the side of his head and made his way back out the door.
Claire clenched her jaw, throwing a glance at Shane before she pushed herself off of the couch and went upstairs to their room, slamming the door behind her. It had been hard to get herself to sleep tonight, harder to wake up the next morning. But her alarm went off at about 6 am and after hitting the snooze button about a dozen times, waking up was the worst, she finally got out of bed after begging Shane to start a shower for her .When she was finished, she let her hair dry, which happened quickly considering she was running around the house to get ready. Once it did she pulled it on the top of her head, wrapping it tightly into a bun. Claire pulled on a pair of tights and pulled on a pair of black cotton shorts over them before she took one of Shane’s flannel shirts and pulled it on over a black tank top, tying the ends of it so that it didn’t cover her waist or hips. She stared at the mirror for a second before she took in a deep breath and turned to get a sideways look of her body in the mirror. Her fingers curved against the indent of her ribs, curving against the concave form that it had taken. She tried pushing it out but then looked away, turning straight back into the mirror. She adjusted her hair and came into their bedroom, pulling her uggs on before she picked up her pointe shoes by two fingertips and leaned down, giving Shane a kiss before she ran out of their home.
The entire cab ride to her company she looked down at her legs, placing her hand underneath her thigh and trying to push up to make it look bigger. She wasn’t killing herself… didn’t Ethan understand that a ballet dancer’s body had to be like this? She frowned, narrowing her eyebrows as she looked at the rest of her body. I mean, sure.. on anyone else this was probably disgusting, but.. it was her dream. How was she supposed to be successful, how was she supposed to be the best if she didn’t give it her all? Surely Ethan had mentioned something to Dalton. Around him she had been wearing a lot of sweatpants, baggy sweatshirts, trying to hide her body. But why would she do that if she didn’t already know that Dalton wouldn’t approve? Claire shook her head, looking up to look out of the window. They just didn’t understand. No one did. No one judged the artists at Taboo for how they treated their instruments, her body was hers. She wanted the best out of it, right? And how was Brayden going to be proud of his mother if she wasn’t the best? She had to be. She was. She had to hold onto it. Once the cab stopped, Claire stepped out and stood in front of the double doors. The last time she had stood outside of a ballet building wearing Shane’s flannel had been her audition for ABA,… now she was a principal in a company. Claire watched as some of the girls went inside and then promptly followed. She walked down the long hallway, stopping to look at the picture of herself on the wall, displaying her as a principal. She hadn’t seen it yet and felt a flutter in her heart as she held on tightly to her pointe shoes and looked up at herself. Finally she pulled herself away from it, stepping into rehearsals which had already started. “Clarissa…” the choreographer said with a stunned tone, ‘ We weren’t expecting you for.. 4 to 6 weeks..’ he said. Claire stepped out of her uggs and kneeled down, pointing her toes downward as she pulled her pointe onto her foot and started lacing it up quickly. “ Yeah, I… “ she started, about to say that she had delivered early but looked at the other girls and guys in the room. It was strange, but admitting she just had a baby would be seen as a weakness to this group of people. “ I’m ready earlier than I thought,” she said, looking at the choreographer who gave a knowing nod. ‘ And you’ve been… cleared?” he asked. Claire appreciated that he was asking about the doctors, without putting the subject out for everyone to know about. They already knew, they were dancing with a girl who was an understudy to her for a reason and they knew it. “ I’m here,” she said, ignoring his question as she made her way to the front of the room. Ignoring him.. ignoring doctors.. Claire smiled at the girl who had been dancing her part, “ Thanks for keeping the seat warm for me,” she said and the girl gave a defeated look to the choreographer, almost pleading to keep her spot before he tilted his head for her to head back into a different formation. ‘ Is she seriously wearing flannel?’ one of the male dancers asked behind her and Claire smiled to herself slowly as she looked up into the mirror and brought herself up into a pointe stance instantly.
Outfit
