[Dan/Ethan] This Is What Rock & Roll Looks Like

[Meredith Renee Jergens]

Meredith brought her hair off of her neck and fanned herself as she tried to get over the heat in this club. It was so ridiculously hot. How could it be this hot when she was having drinks left and right? Oh right, because no matter how much ice was in it.. alcohol just tended to make you warm. What a damn vicious cycle. Meredith made a slight face before she dropped her hair and placed her hands back on the counter. “ We need another round,” she yelled over the music that was playing, considering she had just requested some song by Porcelain Black. Meredith licked her lips, adjusting the dress against her hips before she pulled all of her hair over one of her shoulders. She felt the arm slip around her lower waist followed by the kiss on the back of her shoulder blade and looked over her shoulder to see the director of their movie. ‘ Are you listening to me?’ he asked her and Meredith made a face of genuine confusion. “…. Were you talking to me?” she asked, had she missed that? He laughed, leaning down to place a kiss on her before she ducked away from it, lifting the shot glasses in the air that she had gotten for herself and Ethan . “ I gotta ggooo.. Sorry!” she said, scrunching her nose before she placed a smile on her lips. Dan wasn’t here. No need to flirt with that jackass. “ Hey!” she yelled over the music, finally finding Ethan who was holding a beer bottle in his hand, other hand in his front pocket. He just seemed so distant lately. “ Hey,” she said with a sigh as she finally approached him and offered the shot out to him. Ethan shook his head, taking his hand out of his front pocket before he took the shot from her and tilted his head back to down it. ‘ We have to be on set in like… four hours, Death’ he said and she smiled, tapping her finger against the side of her nose before she pointed at him. “ I have the absolute worst headac he,” she said as she placed her hand on her hip. “ I’m gonna go find some advil or something” she said , giving Ethan a kiss on the cheek before she stepped away from him.

Ten minutes later and one of the production techs from the movie had come over to her with a bottle. “ Why do you have so many different pills in an advil bottle?” she asked out of confusion as she watched him separate them. ‘ Oh uh.. some of it is my um. Medication’ he said with a slight nod, ‘ Here take these’ he said, offering her a couple of pills. “Advil?” she asked, not recognizing it before he shook his head, ‘ It’s an uh.. ibuprofen knock- off. Advil knock off. For headaches. Just take it with some water, relax’ he said and Meredith gave an appreciative nod. “ Thank you so so much,” she said before going to the bar and ordering a glass of water before she put the pills in her mouth and swallowed them quickly. She smiled, waving at a few people from the set and that was the last thing she remembered before she lifted her head up from her knees and looked around the club. When had she gotten to a booth, and everything seemed like it was in slow motion. “ … Ethan..” she said, gripping her hand onto the table as she pulled herself up, though it seemed like it was taking forever. Finally after stumbling her way over to him, pulling down nearly six chairs in her path to him she clung to his arms and sunk into his chest. “ I think I’m sick,” she said, but did it come out audible? Her speech felt slurred, her tongue felt swollen. And she was sweating but she felt freezing. Apparently Ethan had been yelling something at her because suddenly her face was trapped in his hands and he was yelling at her, looking at her with a crazed look in his eyes she’d never seen before.

[Ethan John Fox]

Ethan laughed quietly as he held onto his beer bottle by the neck of it loosely. He was skeptical as hell who he made friends with on set ever since he dated the girl who played Glimmer and she turned out to be grade A psycho. He licked his lips, looking over as Meredith made her way towards him with a shot glass. “ Done playing house with the director?” he teased her before taking the shot. This bullshit with Dan was getting old and what it boiled down to was lack of communication on both parts. But it’s not like anyone was going to listen to him, so instead he kept his mouth shut, accompanied her to bars. Because he sure as hell wasn’t going to let her go alone, and Dan kept declining to tag along. He knew it looked like he had picked sides, he hadn’t. They were both idiots. Ethan nodded, leaning down to let her kiss his cheek as she said that she was going to go find something for her headache. He watched her walk towards the bar, striking up a conversation with some assistant they had on set and figured she was in safe hands before he went back to his conversation. Even with Dan not joining them, it felt like their little group was incomplete. Rosie was off doing god knows what, and skype conversations could only make you feel like a group for so long. Despite the fact that he was carrying around an engagement ring. Ethan puffed out his cheeks, making his way towards the bar to find Meredith but frowned, seeing that she wasn’t anywhere to be found at all. “ Have you seen Death?” he asked the production assistant who had given her some advil before he shook his head and Ethan looked over the crowd trying to spot her.

Hour flew by and he had looked all over. Where the fuck had she gone. Was he supposed to call Dan? They were supposed to be on set in three hours now and he had lost the main star of the franchise. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath. The director was still out though having drinks, so thankfully she hadn’t gone home with him. But when he turned around he felt his heart plummet into his stomach as he watched Meredith making her way towards him, pulling chairs down as she tried to keep herself upright before she finally fell into his chest. “ What the fuck, Meredith,” he said, dropping his drink to the ground entirely before he held the side of her arms to keep her stood up. “ Your lips are.. what did you do?” he asked, but she was just talking about how she felt sick. “ Meredith! Did you take advil? Did anyone else give you anything?” he said frantically before he gripped her cheeks in his hands and forced her to look at him. “ Did you take something besides what that guy gave you?” he yelled down at her, trying to see if she was somewhere in there but she just seemed sick. “ …. Shit!” he screamed out again before he held his arm tightly around her and reached into his back pocket. Ethan held onto Meredith, pulling her out of the sweaty club and onto the street where he watched her as the cold night air bit at her skin. “ Dan! It’s Ethan.. I think Meredith accidentally took something. She was talking about a headache. Now she’s… it’s worse than drunk, mate. I’ve never seen anything like this,” he said in a rushed tone into the phone as he held Meredith up since she was slouching again.

[Daniel Joshua Hudson]

Dan rubbed his hands over his face after splashing himself with water from the bathroom sink in his suite that was to be his home while he was filming in Hawaii. He looked like hell. But at least he looked better than he felt, which was complete shit. It was late, more like early in the morning, but sleep wasn’t an option lately. He always lay down, thinking maybe he would just drift off, but it never happened. Sleepless nights were what he dealt with. He’d take it. He deserved it after all. He’d never meant to hurt Meredith, not at all. Never. He’d wanted her to know she was… more than a stupid Hollywood fling. More than just to please the tabloids and the general public. She was more than a bimbo co star. Meredith was a best friend, the person who lit up the room, the person he always looked forward to seeing every day, the person he missed the most when she was gone, the only person he could ever say he loved. Dan had dated a good handful of Hollywood’s cutest, sexiest, most loved stars. But none of it meant anything to him. So they had the movie business in common, so what? They didn’t stay up late with him talking about real things, didn’t joke with him, make him feel like it was the real thing. Make him feel like someone cared about him. They weren’t Meredith. She could pick on him and make him feel loved at the same time. She was beautiful in the most natural way. Everything she hated about herself, every curve, every piece of nonexistent fat that she saw, put her so far above any other woman he’d dated. She was so much more real. She’d flown half away around the world to give him soup. Even if it sounded silly, it was the best feeling. And he’d fucked all of it up. Every other relationship he’d ever had, and the term relationship being used lightly, had been nothing. Publicity on the surface, but mostly just sex. Celebrities weren’t gonna go out and just fuck randoms, civilians couldn’t be trusted. So they fucked each other. It made sense. But none of it meant anything. Dan never felt in love, or cared for, or like he had a best friend and a girlfriend all rolled into one. Things with Meredith had started off all too familiar. And Ethan warned him, “Don’t sleep with her, mate. That’ll ruin everything.” Dan didn’t listen. Of course he didn’t listen. Because one, he was an idiot, two he realized a little too late he really loved and cared about her, and three, he was an idiot. But sleeping with Meredith wasn’t what he regretted, because he didn’t regret it at all. What he regretted was not sorting through his jumbled self well enough before she jumped to conclusions to explain his stupid ass. Explain to her how he truly felt. And that he was scared. He didn’t want her to be just another relationship where they put on smiles for the cameras, kissed for the paparazzi, showed up at events holding hands, and just used each other for sex behind the scenes. That was what he did with women he didn’t give a shit about. Meredith was so, so much different. He had wanted the whole deal. He wanted all that surface stuff yeah, to go to events with her on his arm. Because hell, he was proud to say he was dating her. He didn’t want to hide their relationship, not when it was so important to him. But he wanted to cuddle on the couch while she made fun of him in Zathura. Hang out in their trailers telling bad jokes about Peeta being a baker. Wrestle her to the floor just to steal a kiss. Cook her food so she could tell him it was awful even when it wasn’t. Bring her home for Thanksgiving and introduce her to his parents. Tell her she was beautiful everyday so hopefully she’d start to believe it herself. But now she wouldn’t even talk to him. Or look at him. She was cordial to him on set, but he saw right through that. He felt like he lost her and nothing he could say could bring her back. It was like his worst nightmare come true, to spends his twenty years of his life, never having loved anyone, wanting that so bad. He was such a hopeless romantic it was stupid. When he was a teen and people asked him, where do you see yourself in 10 years Dan? They expected a response about his acting career. He always said he wanted to be married. Dumb as it was. He felt like he’d found that person, finally, after so many duds in a sea of bimbos, he thought he’d found her, the one girl who wasn’t a stupid bimbo actress. He had found her. And lost her. That fast. His worst nightmare. He couldn’t possible dream up anything worse, even if he could find sleep. He missed her, like crazy. He didn't know if he'd ever admit that to anyone, but at the same time, no one ever asked.

And on top of that, who did he have to turn to right now? Honestly, he didn’t have many friends. Good friends were hard to come by in this industry, ones you felt you could trust would stick around after the movie wrapped. He’d been acting since he was a kid, people loved him. However, ask him how many real friends he had, Dan couldn’t even fill one hand. The only friend he trusted enough to talk to was Ethan, and even Ethan was distant. Rosie was always halfway around the world with family, or doing some photo shoot thing, and really, Dan didn’t feel that close with her. Not like he was with Ethan or Meredith. Or, had been. And it wasn’t like Dan was asking Ethan to choose sides either, he would never. But through all this, who was Ethan hanging out with, taking out to bars, cheering up, being the great friend to the one in need? Meredith. Yeah okay, Ethan invited Dan out, but why would Dan tag along when he knew it would only make Meredith miserable and hate him more? He’d hurt her enough, the least he could do was stay out of her life. If they weren’t on set shooting a scene, she’d never have to see him if she didn’t want to and Dan was guessing she didn’t. Dan was fully aware that he’d royally fucked up, but Ethan was his best friend. He was supposed to be there for him, stand by his side even when he fucked up this bad, tell him so, tell him he was an idiot, and tell him things would be okay. Why was it no one could see that Meredith wasn’t the only one hurting? Surely Dan wasn’t that good of an actor, he couldn’t keep hiding how horrible and shitty he felt. His make up artist scolded him daily, telling him he needed to get better rest because covering up the dark circles under his eyes was becoming impossible. Peeta was supposed to look tired and beat right? Apparently not like this. More than once movie people had approached him since they gotten to Hawaii, and finally the director himself, asking what his deal was because he seemed kind of off. His acting was okay, but ‘we’re just a little worried about your well being.’ Asking if someone in his family died, or if he was having personal issues. Saying he wasn’t himself, he didn’t look like he was sleeping enough, eating enough. Did he need some personal time off? Was the schedule just getting to him? Did he feel depressed, did he need to see a doctor? They’d prescribed him sleeping pills. Dan didn’t take them. They just didn’t get it. What was he supposed to say, “no I’m just feeling sorry for myself because I hurt someone really special to me and I feel like scum on the bottom of an outhouse toilet seat, and it’s been eating me alive”? They didn’t understand that stuff. They just wanted to give him more food, give him vacation time, sleeping pills, give a him a therapist to talk to, easy fixes that wouldn’t fix anything. So here he was, at god knows what time in the morning, looking like death in his suite where he spent a majority of his time. Not sleeping was beginning to take a toll on him, as he was starting to catch a cold, or the flu, or some type of sickness that just sprung up on you when you were physically tired, kicking you when you were already down. And the stupid part of all of it was, he didn’t even feel sorry for himself. Yes he felt horrible, like the biggest asshole to walk the planet, but he wasn’t going to pity himself. He didn’t deserve it, that was the attitude he’d taken. He was just going to stay out of Meredith’s way.

What was he even doing anyways? Was this career, this life style, even worth it for him? Look at him, he couldn’t even have a normal life of a twenty year old, find a good girl to settle down with. Yeah, a lot of twenty year olds weren’t doing that. But what was this lifestyle worth if he didn’t have anyone to share it with? Was he just destined to have bunches and bunches of fake friends, live in a huge empty house, put on a smile when he wasn’t really feeling too happy? Was any of this worth it? The only thing he knew was that he loved acting. He could switch and do theater. That could be rewarding. Maybe. Dan left the bathroom after taken a last glance at his pale, sunken in face, looking at the bottle of sleeping pills on the desk in his room. He could take one, fall asleep, get a good night’s rest, look better tomorrow and people would think he was doing better and leave him alone. He could take more than one, a handful even, how long would he sleep then? Long enough for the problem to go away? That was just stupid. That wouldn’t eliminate his problems, just himself. He wasn’t that depressed. Dan flung himself onto the bed, deciding whether the night would pass faster by watching a movie, listening to some music, reading a book, skimming mindlessly through the internet, or any combination of his choices. What would make the sun come up sooner. The sooner it was day time, the sooner he could pretend he was fine. At least if he could convince everyone else, maybe he could convince himself too. Dan glanced over at his phone that was suddenly going off, not even grasping that anyone would not usually be calling him at this hour. Looking at the screen, Dan saw that it was Ethan. Probably drunk at some club or something, with Meredith. Asking Dan to come out and play. Not going to happen. But hey, even a drunk call from Ethan was better than no calls from Ethan. Dan answered the phone, laying back and closed his eyes, preparing himself for whatever drunken state Ethan might be in, trying to think of more convincing excuses as to why he couldn’t hang out. “Hey,” he started off, but before he even began to spill out some lame excuse, Ethan was telling him in a panicked tone about Meredith, being worse than drunk, she’d just had a headache… Dan shot up where he lay, gripping the phone closer to his face, “What? Someone drugged her you think?” Dan said frantically, hopping up in his sweats and t-shirt, grabbing a hoodie and threw it over his shoulder, managing to put one shoe on and held onto the other as he quickly left his suite. Dan had seen a lot of things in the clubs in LA, a lot of drugs, a lot of drugs gone wrong. He’d seen people end up in hospitals, lucky to be alive because someone slipped them something. And this wasn’t just a random person, this was Meredith. Angry at him or not, she was still Meredith. She could hate him all she wanted, she could scream at him later, shoot him with an arrow if she wanted, he didn’t care. If something happened to her, he just…. Wasn’t going to think about it. At all. He was just going to get there. He didn’t even know what he was going to do when he got there. Getting there just seemed like the most important thing at the moment. Ethan had quickly told him where they were, luckily not far at all from the hotel. Dan caught a cab, which was nuts that there was any out at this time of night but apparently the people here partied pretty late. It was faster than running, though he would have done that too if he’d have needed to. The driver could not have drove any faster, Dan opening the car door before the car had even come to a stop, seeing Ethan on the sidewalk, holding up a barely functioning Meredith. Dan ran over, trying to help take half her weight from Ethan, “What the hell happened?! Is she even- Meredith…” he said frantically. What the hell was wrong with her. “Come on, we can’t stand out here much longer. People will eat this up…” Dan was just hoping this didn’t make the blogs by morning. The cabbie had waited, Dan and Ethan getting her inside and sitting somewhat upright. Well. She wasn’t dead. That at least, Dan could cross off his list of worries.

[Ethan John Fox]

Ethan could feel the panic in his chest as he held Meredith up against his chest. She was saying stuff but to be honest none of it really made any sense, and that’s only what he could figure out from what was audible and what wasn’t. She just looked confused and tired, and like her body weighed a thousand pounds or something. It seemed like it was taking forever for Dan to get there, even though he knew he only hung up the phone like three minutes ago. But still, there were people coming in and out of the club and Ethan literally had no idea what to do. Each time someone passed by he just pressed Meredith up against the wall to support her and pretend to be a drunk couple making out. That was better than people figuring out who they were, right? But he felt a ton of relief come off his shoulders as a cab pulled up and Dan came running out of it before it even stopped. “ Mate!” he said , relieved that he was taking half of her weight from him. It wasn’t that he couldn’t handle it, it was just now he sort of felt like he wasn’t on his own in handling this. “ She’s in and out mate,” he said, holding onto her lower waist as Dan spoke to her. Once they started making their way over to the cab he knew that Dan was right. They couldn’t just lollygag on the street. That would make a scene. As they got her situated in the car, Ethan placed her in the middle between himself and Dan though he made no effort to straighten her completely as she leaned more towards Dan’s side.

Ethan placed his hand on the side of the door, not even realizing how antsy he must appear considering he was bouncing his knee. “ I can’t win for losing,” he said, shaking his head angrily at himself. ”I’m not there for you. I’m there with her and she still slips through my fingers,” he said quietly to himself before he licked the corner of his lips and looked over at Dan. Mate really did look like hell. “I’m….. I’m sorry, I fucked everything up,” he said, hanging his head down slightly. He fucked up being a good friend to Dan. He fucked up actually being there for Meredith. “ What do we do.. do we take her to a hospital? There’s no way we’re going to be able to film tomorrow,” he said, sitting up in his seat. “ You talk to the driver, I’ll call the director and come up with something,” he said before dialing the number and holding the phone to his ear.

[Meredith Renee Jergens]

“ Whoa,” Meredith managed to say at the change from the heat of the nightclub to the cool sting of the air outside. She tried to lift her head up completely but failed, feeling it roll more to the side than anything else. She gave a defeated sigh. Her hands were placed on Ethan’s chest, though merely she was just pretending to hold herself up. He was doing it all for her. Were her feet even touching the ground ? Was he holding her up completely. He was on the phone and she hadn’t heard with who , because she was far too focused on lifting her arm. It felt like when you sleep on it, the slow motion movement accompanied with your arm feeling like it had no bone and was complete jello. She stared at it breathlessly, looking down at her fingers as she tried to move them the way she wanted to. How could she not grasp onto him. And then every so often he buried his face into her neck, covering her entirely with his chest. What was he doing? But all she was able to manage was what she figured was a look of confusion followed by the simple word, “ Rose,” each time he came at her. That made sense, right? Don’t do that. That’s for Rosie. Was for Rosie. He pulled away from her farther than he had the entire time outside though when a cab pulled up and Meredith groaned when she saw who it was. She was able to lift her hand towards him, unable to separate a single finger to point it at him so instead she gestured her whole hand, “ It’s …..Peeta” she said when he spoke her name. How was it so difficult to talk? It was like her thoughts weren’t connecting to her speech, or that they were delayed.

It seemed like just as quickly as she had come outside she was being put in a car. Though that didn’t alarm her. She trusted Ethan and Dan, and she was aware that was who she was with. What alarmed her more so was her lack of control over her own body. But she was between two men she trusted, leaning more onto Dan’s frame than Ethans but he was busy on the phone. Again. She looked at Dan, her features probably showing one of confusion and anger. But he was also really pretty, even in this brooding state he had going on. She was so thirsty, suffering from what.. dry mouth? “ Juice..Bitch” she said, though in her mind she had clearly quoted the entire line from the movie. She nodded at him. He would get her juice. He owed her juice. But again she was shaking her head. How could she have so much to say, but her own body was working against her. She brought her hand up to her chest, tapping her heart before she slowly poked her finger into Dan’s chest. Okay so she couldn’t talk the greatest, but he would know that she was saying she loved him, right? After she poked him in the chest she fell onto him entirely, bringing her lips clumsily to his own before she kissed him. Could’ve been a second, could’ve been an hour but some time later she pulled away. And it probably took more time than she believed, but eventually her hand came up and tapped him across the cheek. Ha. Finally she pointed at herself and sighed, “….Broke” she said with a nod of finality. At least that’s what she had felt like, that he had broken her.

[Daniel Joshua Hudson]

Dan sighed as the driver pulled away, still slightly holding Meredith from falling completely on him and looked over at Ethan, “What?” Dan shook his head, “No, it’s not… don’t be hard on yourself.” Dan sat back, resting his head against the seat, Ethan saying he really fucked up. “Nah, you didn’t. You didn’t give her… whatever it is someone gave her…” Dan nodded, speaking to the driver as Ethan got on his phone. He was right, there would be no filming tomorrow. At least not for Meredith. But then, how was that going to look? And they couldn’t take her to the hospital the media would have a field day. This had to stay as far under the radar as possible. Dan told the cabbie to go back to the hotel, to the side door closest to his own room. He hadn’t been sure before what they were going to do but he was beginning to formulate a plan now. Dan leaned over when Ethan had finally gotten the director on the phone, “Just tell him… tell him I’m under the weather.” Dan shrugged quietly, looking down as Meredith fell over onto him. “What? Yeah, we’ll get you some juice, just sit tight.” Dan watched her, motion to her own heart and then point at him. Dan let out a breath Ethan was still on the phone. What was this mess that they were in? And he didn’t mean just Meredith being drugged. Though that too, was a mess. Dan looked down at Meredith, who was leaning on him, “I know…” and then she kissed him. He wasn’t totally sure she meant to, or if she just fell into his face. Still happened, and for a second… he forgot she was drugged and it was nice. At least for a second he could pretend she didn’t hate him and that she wouldn’t be mad at herself for this later. Meredith pulled away clumsily, reaching up to tap him on the face. Slapped back to reality, if you wanted to say that. All she said was ‘broke’. He sighed as the driver pulled up by the hotel, saying once more, brushing hair out of her face, “I know…”

Dan got out, he and Ethan getting Meredith out and sharing her weight until they got to Dan’s room, opening the door and bringing her inside. After they had brought her inside they dragged her to the bed, and laid her in it. It was better if people didn’t see her, or go to her room looking for her and find her like this. No one would look for her in his room, basically everyone knew they weren’t exactly speaking unless the cameras were rolling. Dan pulled his phone out of his pocket while he took Meredith’s heels off, waiting while the phone rang on the other end. “Come on… pick up…” Dan had gone to see this doctor… or at least, he’d made a house call to Dan’s hotel room. The director and the rest of the movie people had insisted Dan needed to be seen. Dan humored them mostly, but was told if he needed immediate care, to call the guy. Well, Dan did need immediate care, for someone else. He finally answered, “Doctor, hi. It’s Dan Hudson. I really, really need you to come over here. I know it’s late… no it can’t wait until morning… I’m…” Dan paused, making a face. If he said it was for Meredith, Doc would probably call her people in concern. If he just thought it was Dan, well they already knew he had issues. “… I am having thoughts,” he rolled his eyes. Well that convinced him. Doc said he’d be over immediately and to not do anything that would ‘danger himself further’. Dan hung up. He looked at Ethan, letting out a breath, “On his way.” Dan moved over to the bed, sitting down beside Meredith. They had to at least try to keep her alert and focused. If someone was talking to her, maybe she wouldn’t zonk out. “Meredith,” he said getting her attention, “Do you remember having a headache and taking something for it? Advil or something? Do you remember anyone giving you anything else?” Dan looked around, “Ethan, she’s sweating bad. Toss me that t-shirt?” Dan caught the t –shirt in one hand, unzipping the back of Meredith’s dress and pulling it off her shoulders far enough to get her arms out of it. Dan pulled the shirt over her head, holding her up and put her arms through the sleeves before pulling the shirt down over her stomach, then pulling her dress off underneath. Didn’t see a thing. Dan laid her back down, she was saying odd things here and there, but she was at least somewhat alert. Probably trying to yell at him for undressing her. Dan stood back up, looking for a clean pair of shorts. Dan picked up a pair out of the dresser drawer, looking at Ethan, “You think someone roofied her? Who gave her Advil for her headache?” Dan walked back over, picking up Meredith;s legs and put the shorts on her, and then pulled her dress off, sweaty mess that it was. Hopeful Doc got there soon. Dan went back and sat by Meredith, looking like she was a little bit cooler at least. “Doing okay? Someone’s coming to help, don’t go to sleep. Still want juice?”

[Ethan John Fox]

Ethan held on to the side of Meredith’s waist tightly as he helped carry her into Dan’s hotel room. He had simply said that Dan was under the weather and that he and Meredith were taking a personal day to be with him and he… bought it? That was so weird. Normally the director would have said to suck it up and be on set, or that they could do the scenes that didn’t involve Dan. So what was going on exactly? He knew he would ask him, he just wasn’t sure how to best bring it up. Maybe the director just liked Ethan the least. Dan was famous already. The director had a crush on Meredith. And Ethan was … just Ethan. He narrowed his eyebrows, helping lay her on the bed before he took his phone out and started to text Rosie what was going on. Just incase she did find out in the tabloids, he wanted her to hear it from them first so she didn’t freak out and worry about what was going on. Ethan went to the bathroom to wet some towels to place on her forehead and wrists, Claire used to do that when she got overheated from ballet. When he came back he heard Dan telling someone on the phone that he was having thoughts… what? Then when he hung up, he simply looked at Ethan and said he was coming over. “ … What?” he finally said out of confusion. “ Who is coming? Why did the director not sound surprised that you were ‘under the weather’? What the fuck is going on, mate?” he said frustratedly but without raising his voice.

Ethan licked his lips as he watched Dan talking to Meredith. It was hard watching her, watching the wheels trying to turn behind her eyes but somehow just not completely connecting. How frustrating that must be. He sighed as Dan started to change Meredith, leaning over to grab the t-shirt and tossed it to Dan. “ I saw what happened in the cab..” he said as he kept his eyes locked on Dan. He was taking such careful care of Meredith. “ Look.. me being there for her isn’t the dumbest of all ideas, mate. She tells me things. She tells me everything, quite honestly. The game isn’t over, you’re just in half time. You are both fucking stupid. She’s in love with you. You care for her.. still, … I think…“ he said as he watched him before he took in a deep breath, trying to remember everything that had happened. “ It was that production tech.. Johnny…Jimmy.. Jimmy!” he said, snapping his fingers as he pointed at Dan. “ That little prick who is always lurking around,” he said with a slight shake of his head.

[Meredith Renee Jergens]

These boys were strong. Like.. to the point where she wanted to thank whoever was training and working them out for the series. She might get slapped to a treadmill and handed a bow and arrow for training all of the time, but she knew that both Dan and Ethan were being trained by a former marine, and she never fully appreciated it until now as they seemingly carried her everywhere. Well.. she’d appreciated Dan in a different way. When they laid her on the bed she sighed out of relief. No more movement. No more stomach flopping. Just a soft.. comfy..sturdy bed. “ Bye,” she said, though it sort of sounded to her like she said ‘bug’. Meredith narrowed her eyebrows, trying to say it again. “ Bye..” she said, annunciating herself longer this time. No, that wasn’t right either. She figured she was shaking her head in disapproval, but in all reality she was just staring at the ceiling. There was so much movement going on around her. Just… calm the fuck down. Everyone sit down. Just chill out. Because she just needed a nap. “ Nap,” she said, turning her head on the pillow. But Dan was there changing her clothes, asking her questions. She groaned slightly, feeling it catch in the back of her throat. She could care less that he was changing her clothes, honestly it felt amazing to get out of the clothes that she was sweating through. It was the fact that he was trying to make her talk. Leave me alone, let me sleep. Obviously tracker jackers weren’t real, but they had nothing on whatever shit she had taken.

“ Yes,” she said finally, knowing she remembered taking pills that she was told were advil. Clearly not. But him and Ethan were talking again. Good God. Those boys did not want to shut up tonight. Ethan sounded annoyed… right? But what was he annoyed about. She hadn’t chosen to take anything. But his annoyance sounded to be directed towards Dan about whoever he was on the phone with. Okay. There was way too much going on. And people needed to calm the fuck down. She closed her eyes, listening as Dan told her someone was coming. That was nice. They could hang out. She could sleep. Was she okay? She was still so warm, hot like lava. “ Lava..” she said sleepily into the pillow. Did she still want juice? When the fuck did she ask for juice?.... Who cared, it sounded amazing. She took in a deep breath which turned into a yawn. “ Fruit,” she said before sinking further into the pillow. Meredith lifted her hand off of her pillow, taking more time than necessary to place it down to her side towards Dan’s direction, “ Stay,”

[Daniel Joshua Hudson]

Dan looked at Ethan, shrugging, “I just, the movie people have been concerned. They don’t think I’m sleeping enough, eating enough, they think I’m depressed, not myself…” he listed off. “Mostly bullshit, for the most part. I mean, I eat plenty. I’m not depressed, just pissed. At myself, mostly. Okay I haven’t been sleeping, I’ll give them that. I’m sure I look wonderful.” He said sarcastically. “They’ve been making me see this doctor, he makes house calls. Mostly to make sure I’m not suicidal I think. Which I’m not,” he said plainly. “He gives me sleeping pills though.” Dan made a face, “So yeah, I bet the director wasn’t too surprised to hear I was under the weather. I’m sure it’ll get out that I’m being treated for exhaustion or depression or something.” Dan shrugged, “Whatever. I told him I was having thoughts…” Dan gave a small smile, “Got him to come though.” Dan stopped, shaking his head, “You can just forget about in the cab, I’m sure she already has.” Dan picked his phone up, checking the time for like the billionth time, hoping that guy would hurry up, “Look I know it isn’t over. At this point, I don’t feel like I can walk away. But it isn’t up to me, if she wants time with me not in it, how am I supposed to not respect that?” Dan looked down at the mattress, feeling stupid. He knew he was being stupid. He wasn’t pitying himself. People were making more out of it than it was. He wasn’t sick. He just had a nice case of heart ache for someone who was pushing him away. The only thing that kept him hopeful was that maybe, time would work to his advantage. Dan mumbled angrily, “Fucking, Jimmy.”

Dan looked back down at Meredith as she said something about fruit juice. All fucking juice was fruit. Unless it as that V8 shit, in which case, nobody bothered counting that. But the stupid thing was, what juice did Meredith drink a lot of, and Dan knew damn well, that actually had the word ‘fruit’ in it? “Grapefruit juice,” he said, shaking his head. Why the hell did he know that. “Grapefruit?” he asked her and she managed a little tiny nod. “Ethan,” he said, “grapefruit juice, you know where to get some?” Dan heard the knock on the door just as Meredith told him to stay. “I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be right back.” Dan stood up to get the door, “Hold the juice, man,” he said pulled the door open, “Doc.” Dan greeted him and let him inside, looking confused to find Ethan and Meredith. “So Doc… I’m really fine, it’s not me. My friend,” he gestured to Meredith, “Someone slipped her something in the club, it’s not looking too good.” Doc looked at him annoyed and then once understand the situation moved over to Meredith with purpose. He could see the situation had become kind of serious. He was all business there for while, getting a blood sample from Meredith, Dan trying to keep her calm because of all the needles, especially when Doc went back out to his car to get stuff to start an IV. Dan listened carefully as Doc told him Meredith wasn’t supposed to move around a lot, or eat for like, 12 hours. And he was supposed to check her every hour, which he would every hour on the hour. At one point Doc mentioned capillary refill and Dan was like, “Doc, dude, I’m an actor not a med student. You gotta explain what that is.” Which resulted in needing nail polish remover. “Ethan, nail polish remover. Grapefruit juice. Can you do it?” As if someone who looked like Ethan couldn’t, ha. It seemed like no time had passed since Doc had gotten there, but when Dan glanced at the clock, it had been a while. Aside from the needles, Meredith was being a trooper. Doc said he’d done all that he could, and gave them instructions on what to do otherwise if things went wrong. “Thanks Doc, appreciate it. Really.” Dan pulled a few bills out of his wallet, handing them to the doctor, “Not a word. If anyone asks, you were treating me. They all already think I’m a nutcase anyways.” As if on cue, the doctor’s phone rang and he looked at Dan, “It’s your director,” Dan shrugged, “Answer it.” Doc answered it, “Yes, I understand, I’m with him right now… Yes I believe time off is what he needs, if that’s what you’re suggesting. Tomorrow would be a good day to give him off. Treatment? “ He looked at Dan, going along with it, “Exhaustion. He just needs rest and a good meal. I think he’s… making progress.” Dan nodded, giving him a thumbs up and began to usher him out. Doc stopped by the desk, picking up the bottle of sleeping pills, “I see you haven’t been taking these, Hudson.” “Well tonight’s not a good night to start.” Doc nodded, looking back at Meredith, “Well… I don’t know what’s going on here, but it seems you’re… better off then I was told. Sort out your relationships young man, it will relieve a lot of your stress.” Dan nodded seriously, thanking him again and shut the door, glad he was gone, even with all his help.

[Ethan John Fox]

Ethan stood watching the doctor before he pulled out the needle to start drawing blood. “ Outta here” he said, taking his hands out of his front pockets to go on his mission to find grapefruit juice and nail polish remover. The grapefruit juice was easy, he just went down to the kitchen of the hotel and asked for a bottle. Easy. Done. Nail polish remover? Where the hell was a mate supposed to find nail polish remover at this time of night? What did it even look like? Ethan puffed out his cheeks and sighed, carrying the grapefruit juice bottle in his back pocket before he decided to start taking chances. Six doors later of his incessant knocking and finally a group of late teenage-young twenty year old looking girls opened their door. “ G’day mate..” he said, deciding to play up his Australian accent a tad as he leaned against the doorway. “ Name’s Ethan Fox.. findin’ myself in a bit of a jam here,” he said smiling at them. They were staring at him slightly shocked . It was almost the crack ass of dawn and this complete stranger was knocking on their door. “ I’m looking for some remover to take off polish for your nails,” he said, trying to describe it since he wasn’t even entirely sure what all it did. ‘ Nail polish remover?’ one girl asked and Ethan shrugged his shoulder slightly, “ Sure,”. Just like that they were offering him a bottle and he was reaching into his back pocket to offer them money since they wouldn’t be getting it back. After wishing them a good night he made his way back to Dan’s hotel room, waiting to be let in before he offered both bottles out to Dan.

“ Doc already left?” he asked, walking back to the end of the bed where he placed his hands in his front pockets and watched Meredith. “ Is she going to stay here with you?” he asked before looking up at Dan. But they both already knew the answer to that. Forget about the cab his ass. No one was going to forget about the cab, and even if Meredith did, Ethan was going to make it his mission to tell her all about it. “ Look you’ve uh.. got it under control, right? I’m going to go make a few calls, get some rest.. check back on you guys later in the afternoon. Looks like we have a day or two off anyways,” he said before leaning down to wrap his arms loosely around Dan and give him a hug. Kid had been through a lot and he still stepped up to the plate, no questions asked. That was the kind of person you wanted in your life. People didn’t always need to know the answers right away or know what they wanted out of life, it was the people you could count on to have your back, that would drop everything to come and help you out.

[Meredith Renee Jergens]

Whoever the hell Dan invited over was a prick. First he was wrapping something tight around her arm, and then the asshole had the nerve to stick a needle in her arm. Wrong thing to do to a girl with an immense phobia of needles. Not once did he do it, no no. Twice. And the second time the needle stayed in, which she didn’t realize was an IV until he had taped everything down. Her anger came out in the form of a glare that stayed fixed on Dan for the remainder of the unwelcomed guests presence around her. After he had left, Meredith blinked at Dan, trying to lift her arm to show him. Look. Look what he did. “ Ow.” she said, though there wasn’t much infliction behind it. Okay, so she couldn’t honestly feel it. But it was a sharp object sticking in her arm, logic told her that had she not been under the influence of something at the moment, that shit hurt. But Dan was so weird tonight. Talking so much to Ethan, inviting a friend over to stick her in the arm with a needle, and now he was taking her nail polish off. Of one finger? What the fuck. And why did he have to squeeze her fingertip so hard. If he had started reading 50 shades of grey, he was getting a really messed up version of it. But he seemed less strict about the idea of her falling asleep, and as soon as he sounded his approval her eyes were shut and she was lost to the world around her.

There was yelling out in the hallway, probably a couple fighting. It was enough to stir her as her eyes opened slowly, staring straight into the red lights of the alarm clock that was telling her it was half an hour past three in the afternoon. She licked her lips adjusting to the light in the room before she placed her hand against the mattress and slowly pushed herself up. Her skin was warm, too warm. In fact, the idea of a cold shower was amazing. She could feel her stomach growling and turned, seeing the coffee table where there was a bag from Subway perched on the table. Ethan was here. That was his favorite fast food restaurant. It smelled…amazing. She didn’t realize how hungry she was until she stared at it. And there was Dan, perched on the couch. Was he sleeping? He seemed zombied out. Meredith licked her lips again, god she was thirsty too. What the fuck. When she looked down at her arm she saw the needle sticking in it and cringed. That needed out, now. Meredith pulled the tape off of her arm before she looked down at the needle, trying to figure out the best way to pull it out without getting blood everywhere.

[Daniel Joshua Hudson]

It had been a long night of worrying about Meredith. Dan was right when he said tonight wasn’t a good night to actual use his sleeping pills. He was far too worried he might drift off, and that when he woke up, she would have stopped breathing or something. No, he didn’t sleep a wink. What was new. Just one more night added to all the others that he spent awake rather than sleeping. He could take a royal nap when Meredith was totally fine. Sometime in the afternoon, Ethan showed up with food, which he as beyond grateful for. Dan ate his food, telling Ethan he thought they were in the clear. Meredith was just sleeping it off now. Ethan hadn’t stayed which was okay. Now that things seemed okay an Dan was just waiting on her to wake up, he realized he had to have something to say to her when she woke up. What if she woke up and was like, what the hell are you doing here. Maybe she still didn’t want to talk to him. Dan looked up, realizing she had, indeed, woken up. And was pulling at her IV and examining it, probably wanting to get rid of it. Dan jumped up, going over to her, “Hang on, don’t take it out…” Dan did what he was told, applying pressure where he was supposed to before taking it out, and then putting pressure on it after. He was supposed to have found something to say to her by now. “Do you remember what happened?” he asked, rubbing his eyes with his other hand. “Jimmy the tech guy? Gave you Advil for a headache? Wasn’t Advil.” Dan let go of her arm, aware that she may not want him touching her. Dan stood up, seeing that she was eyeing the food, “You’re not supposed to eat for like, another hour, hour in a half… you could get room service though. Like, apple sauce… or something like that…” Dan looked at her skeptically, he doubted she wanted anything like that. Dan took a deep breath, walked to the other side of the bed and sat down. Better on this side probably. He let out a breath finally and laid back, careful to stay on his side, “So… I guess we should talk.”

[Meredith Renee Jergens]

Meredith looked up from trying to take the IV out of her arm when she saw that Dan was making his was over to her. “ Oh,” she said, letting him take over. Clearly he knew what he was doing but she still winced at the sting of it coming out and scrunched her nose tightly. When he moved away from her she put her hand over the Kleenex and held pressure onto it, knowing she wouldn’t be able to take it away for a few minutes. When he asked her if she remembered what happened she gave a small shake of her head. “ Not entirely,” she thought to herself, not remembering everything. But as she said it a flash from the cab ride home entered her mind, the way his lips tasted the same. She blinked, looking down at her and gave a quiet sigh. “ Well he really shouldn’t be involved with that stuff,” she said, thinking back to her co-worker. So he could eat and she couldn’t. So not fair. “ Apple sauce..” she repeated, thinking that sounded about as good right now as chewing on rocks. She wanted food, something substantial. Because at this point she was pretty sure she hadn’t eaten in over twenty-four hours. Meredith bit the inside of her cheek as he suggested that they talk. She hadn’t yelled at him, he had clearly helped her. She had kissed him, “ Okay,” she said, knowing that it was fair. He deserved that at least. He’d been walking around like a zombie of some sort and he had taken such good care of her. He’d earned it, right? “ … I don’t hate you, I understand,” she said , giving a small nod. “ With everything that the media was saying.. how we should like each other.. I’m sure you felt….. pressured..” she offered, trying to think of the best way to describe it. Was there a best way? Did she even know what the hell she was talking about, because half of the time she just rambled off shit to be quirky or adorable in interviews. Dan was the only person she ever really let her hair down around, that she felt like she could just relax with, talk, not talk, watch a movie, sit in silence, fill a room with laughter. All of it. “ We can keep talking but I’m taking a shower. You can come into the bathroom if you want or something,” she said, peeling her legs off of the bed. She just felt gross. Meredith kept her arm bent, leaning down to give him a kiss on the cheek. It was okay, if he wanted her as a friend, he could have her. Meredith tucked her arm against her body, still not wanting to look down at the small cut as she made her way to the bathroom and turned on the water. She might not be able to eat yet, but she could still wash away last night.

[Daniel Joshua Hudson]

Dan shrugged, “Yeah I know apple sauce isn’t really that appealing. If you can hold out for a little bit longer, I’ll go get you a cheeseburger.” Dan sat back, glad she had at least agreed to talk. But he shook his head, “No, I didn’t. I get what you’re saying, but I didn’t feel pressured.” Okay maybe she was under the impression he was feeling pressure from their roles in the movie and carrying that into real life. But the thing was, Meredith really kicked Katniss’s ass. Katniss was cool and all, but Meredith had like, five legs up on her. Meredith said she was going to go take shower which was understandable. She probably felt gross. He was sure she was hungry, and feeling gross, and just all around like what the fuck. And he was willing to admit he too was like, what the fuck, like when she leaned over and kissed his cheek. He was just confused. It was like she just flipped a switch. On day she hated his guts and now she was like, it’s okay, I understand. Well alright then. But he got the feeling she still didn’t exactly understand. Dan rolled over on his stomach after she’d gone in the bathroom, burying his face on the comforter. He needed to tell her the truth. Maybe she thought they were moving on and just staying friends. But he didn’t want that. Well, he’d take that if that’s all she was offering, but it wasn’t what he really wanted. Dan waited a minute until he was sure she had gotten in the shower and stood up, going over to the bathroom and cracked open the door, peeking in. Yup, in the shower. Dan stepped inside, “Meredith,” he started off, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry… I really wish I could’ve… figured out a better way to explain what I was thinking. Not one of my finest moments with words…” Dan sighed, “I really didn’t mean to hurt you, and I think you really misunderstood me, and that’s my fault. I just need to say what’s on my mind and you can… decide what you want.” Dan leaned against the counter, “I don’t know about you, I haven’t been in any serious relationships. No one, I’ve ever dated really… clicked? I don’t know, I guess they just didn’t mean anything to me. And it was mutual. Just… sex.” Dan stopped talking, reevaluating what he wanted to say. “You and I, we just started off so similar, costars, everyone wanted us to date… but it just wasn’t the same. I really… think of you more than that. Look, Meredith, I really care about you. And I just didn’t want a relationship with you to be just about sex, or because people expected us to date. I just wanted the real thing. And I just, got freaked because I thought you didn’t want what I wanted, and I wanted that… you know, the real thing.” Dan thought for a second and then added, “I’m still not even entirely sure that made sense, feel free to ask questions…”

[Meredith Renee Jergens]

Meredith stepped into the bathroom, using her foot to lazily push away some of the clothes that cluttered the floor. So he had taken a shower or two in here already. Why was that shocking, they’d been there for like a week. She waited a few moments before she turned on the water and looked down at the clothes she was wearing, Dan’s. She took them off slowly, still feeling a bit dizzy from whatever drugs she had been slipped were and then held onto the side of the wall as she stepped into the shower. The water felt amazing and Meredith sighed, hunching her shoulders as she let the water work its way to what felt like her muscles. Just a few moments later the door was opening and Meredith turned her hair away from the water. “ Dan?” she questioned and just like that he was talking to her. This again. Maybe they weren’t on the same page, but she wanted to be. If he wanted to be friends, she’d be friends. Almost dying sort of changed your perspective on things. Meredith stayed quiet, shampooing and conditioning her hair. Did she have questions, ha. Meredith sighed to herself, turning the water off and wrapped a towel around her body before she tucked the top in so she wouldn’t have to hold it around herself the entire time. She reached up, squeezing the water out of her hair before she stepped out of the shower, surprised by the amount of steam that had built up.

Meredith sighed, walking over to where Dan had seated himself upon the low counter. “ Dan… “ she said, giving a slight shake of her head. “ This isn’t just about sex,” she said, as though that was the dumbest thing she had ever heard. “ I said I was falling in love with you and I meant it,” she said quietly, bringing her hands around the back of his neck. Meredith bit the edge of her lip before she pressed him against the mirror so that she had enough room to crawl into his lap and straddle him. ” I know it wasn’t what you expected right away..” she said, moving her hand away from his neck before she traced her fingertip over his jawline and down to his collar bone. “ It wasn’t what I expected either. You weren’t the first guy I had the choice of sleeping with,” she said frankly. “ I waited for someone that I felt I could actually be in love with. And I did. Which makes it all that much more… better? I’m assuming,” she said, looking down at the skin of his neck. “ I am aware that you haven’t had any serious relationships. I’m also aware that we haven’t discussed how we feel about each other. So for me..” she said before she leaned down and kissed the soft patch of skin across his collar bone. “ That’s me trying to say Dan.. I really.. really like you,” she said before she sat closer against his chest, bringing her lips to the edge of his ear where she nibbled on it delicately. “ And that was always me saying that I wish I had a way to show you, without scaring you off” she said giving a small sigh. “ I am without a doubt, irrevocably, in love with you. The reason I wanted so much of this.. is because it is amazing to be able to do it with someone I love. To have a part of you that no one else can. The other girls you talk about? Wanted just the sex. To me when I kiss your skin, it’s like.. I’m genuinely getting to savor each part of you.” she said before she leaned down to place a kiss against his lips.