[whatever] Dizzy hurricane

[Tyler James Kingsley]

Tyler felt numb all over, which was good. He didn’t even know how things had turned so sour. Well, it all started when he climbed out his window, because he was going to walk over to Kayla’s and tell her not to go to Chace’s. He couldn’t tell her in the chat, because there were people in there, and by the time he realized it, she had logged off. And when he got to her house she’d left. Why were they too late or on different clocks, when usually they were so in sync with each other. Tyler now, laying here, felt the realization hitting him in the face like cold hard rain. Actually, it was literally raining, but the realization was still there. So obvious now was the reason why he felt so wrong about trying things with Jessica, because it felt wrong trying things with anyone other than Kayla. And now not only was she mad at him, she was probably hurt that he’d shut her out. He’d just been so mad earlier he knew he’d only say something he’d regret. Now he was weighing his options about what was worse, saying something he would regret or not saying anything at all. Tyler had never been so angry in his life. He just didn’t get mad, because normally he didn’t really give a shit enough to be mad. And the only thing he gave a shit about was Kayla, but she never made him mad. Until now, anyways. And he wasn’t even really mad at her. Just mad at the situation. How did they take so long to just realize that thing between them had gone pretty far beyond friends, and why didn’t they do anything about it? And mostly he was mad at himself. He’d never heard Kayla talk about what things were between them like that. She made it sound so bad, and dirty, and just like… he got the impression that she was ashamed of it. Like he had taken advantage of her. Had he? He’d never intended for her to feel like that, he’d thought it was all pretty mutual. Maybe it wasn’t. He wondered if he’d made he feel like just another piece of ass. That was probably the thing that pissed him off the most. Just angry at himself for doing that to her. Especially since she really was the only person he’d ever spent time looking out for.

Around the time he’d come to these realizations, he also realized that since Kayla wasn’t home, he should just go home. Except he then realized once more he’d left his house key in his room. He thought for a moment about climbing the tree and back through his own window, but he just didn’t fucking feel like it. He didn’t feel like doing anything, he didn’t even have the nerve to knock on his own front door so his mom could laugh at him for locking his stupid ass out. He could just hear her now, laughing and saying her signature line, “Tyler James, what am I ever supposed to do with you?” He was just too pissed off to sit still, and being in his room would only force him to think about things. Lucky for him he always had a skateboard with him, throwing his long board down and hopped on. Twenty minutes later, a very angry Tyler had wiped out on the wet pavement and fell on his arm, where he currently lay, and unfortunately it’d started raining again. And his arm now had a slightly weird lump. And yet, he wondered briefly if it hurt so bad he couldn’t feel it? This was six now. He was pretty sure. His sixth broken bone, if it was broken. Which he was pretty sure it might be. Tyler kept his arm laying across his body and clutched it with his other hand, and then finally heard the inevitable screech from his open window, “Tyler!” Tyler sighed, well, she sounded about as mad as he expected. When did he ever not piss off his mother. He was always either making her laugh or making her angry. Where was the inbetween? Oh right, the inbetween was saved for the child who was going somewhere in life. Tyler heard the front door open and his mom came rushing down the steps toward him, “Tyler, honey what are you doing?!” “I don’t know mom, what am I doing?” he looked up at her as she knelt down, “Tyler James, it is raining, and it’s 2 oclock in the morning, I had no idea where you we- are you hurt?!” “Well. I fell off my skateboard.” Tyler watched her looked across the pavement to his long board that had rolled to a stop when it hit the curb across the street. She sighed, “I should throw them all in the trash,” to which Tyler laughed bitterly, “Hilarious.” Tyler cringed when his mom gingerly touched his forearm, looking at the lump under the skin, “Oh Tyler. What am I ever supposed to do with you?” She grabbed his other arm and pulled him up, helping him stand, “Mom, I really fucked up.” “Watch your mouth Tyler James, and yeah I would think so, you’re arm looks broken.” “I think this is number six.” “It’s seven.” Tyler sighed, “No, mom, I really messed up.” His mom stopped and looked at him, “Kayla?” “Yeah.” “You guys will work things out, you always do.” “No we don’t, we don’t ever have problems TO work out… I don’t know if this is fixable.” Is mom watched him for a moment, and then nodded toward the car, “I’ll go get my keys, go get in the car.” Hi mom left briefly to grab her keys from inside the door, and Tyler went to get his skateboard, kicking it along across the street, and then kicked it up by the garage door. What a perfect end to a perfect fucking night.

[Mikayla Laurel Garrity]

Kayla slammed the top of her laptop down. Didn’t want to see her right now? Fine. She had just gotten home because she had changed her mind about going out so she could go see him. And what, he was too mad to see her? They had never been mad at each other. They had never gone to bed without saying goodnight. He was the one certainty she had in her life. She looked at her window which always, always remained unlocked for him. But he didn’t want to see her. Tyler didn’t want to see her. They had nothing to stop them from being together now and he still didn’t want her. Kayla closed her eyes as the weight of what that meant fell onto her heart. How could she have been so stupid as to believe that someone like him could have ever loved her. And just like that the image of him over her that first night, holding her hands behind his neck entered her mind. Instantly she felt the nausea enter her system and she jumped up before running to the bathroom, holding her hand tightly over her mouth. The thought of losing him was literally making her sick. Kayla gripped her hands around the edge of her bathroom toilet before she leaned forward into it. After a few minutes she sniffed, running the back of her hand under nose as she made her way to the sink. Slowly, she rinsed her mouth off, washed off her face and stood at the sink with her hands planted firmly against the surface. Kayla looked up at the mirror, looking down at her long hair that was curled against her frame. So pretty, such a beautiful voice. She sniffed again, taking her hands off of the counter as she opened the drawer on the counter, picking up the razorblade before she leaned her back against the wall and slid down to the surface of it. When was the last time she had done this? It had started when her dad moved out. Smile on her face, no one could see the cuts on her legs. Or her arms. Though everything she owned these days showed off her arms. Kayla reached up and took the towel off of the counter before she bit down onto it, scrunching her nose as she moved the fabric of her shorts to bring the blade against the inside of her thigh. She’d feel anything if it meant it overpowered what she felt right now. Digging the blade down into her leg, she waited to see the sight of blood before she pulled it across her skin.
Kayla bit down against the towel roughly to muffle any scream that might come from her, but the pain of losing Tyler was worse. This was at least a minor distraction, what it had always been. Kayla dropped the blade down to the side, wincing slightly as she took the towel from her mouth and rested her head back against the wall, taking in deep breaths as she did everything to focus on the pain of her leg. She’d lost track of how long she had been sitting there before she finally opened her eyes and looked down at her leg where the blood had stopped, caking itself onto the cut. Kayla sniffled again before clearing her throat. She placed her hands against the ground before she pushed herself up off of the floor. She cleaned the blood off of her leg before making sure the cut was done bleeding and lowering the fabric of her shorts back over her leg. ‘Kayla!’ she heard from downstairs and she sighed. “.. It’s fucking Mikayla” she snapped back this time before shutting the bathroom light off and coming downstairs. “ Sweetie, I think Tyler is going to the hospital” her mom said and Kayla made her way into the kitchen. About 2 am and she wanted a snack. Actually, she didn’t want to eat at all. She just wanted to occupy herself somehow, even if that meant digging around aimlessly for food she knew she wouldn’t eat. “ Shocker” she said in a robotic monotone voice that she didn’t recognize as her own before she sat on the kitchen counter with a bag of carrots. “ His arm looked hurt and his mom was helping him into the car.. that has to be the seventh time he’s broken a bone” she said and Kayla bit down on a carrot, spitting it back into her hand at the disgusting taste. “ Sixth,” . Kayla dropped the bag of carrots onto the counter before she placed her hands on it and hopped down.

“ Go put some shoes on, we’re going to the hospital’ her mom said and Kayla made a face. “ No, we’re not” she said as she crossed her arms. “ Mikayla Laurel Garrity that is your best friend and he is in pain,” her mom said in shock. Kayla shrugged her shoulder, “ He doesn’t want to see me right now,”. Her mom scoffed, looking at Kayla like she was an idiot. ” What, that’s what he said.” she said defensively. “ Did you two get into some sort of a fight?” she asked and Kayla rolled her eyes. “ Wow you’re like a fucking brainiac” she said but instantly felt bad as she looked at the expression on her mothers eyes. “ If you were hurt, Tyler would be there”. This time it was Kayla’s turn to scoff, “ Maybe Tyler isn’t as precious as you’ve made him out to be, mom. Cause I guarantee you, he wasn’t there when I was hurt,” she said, but knew it was useless to argue with her anymore. Kayla went upstairs, leaving her cotton cheerleading shorts on before she pulled on a Victoria secret hoodie over her tank top. After going into the closet she took out a pair of converse shoes and put them on before going downstairs. “ Fine let’s go get this over with” she said as she put her hair up into a ponytail.

Kayla went into the emergency room where they had surely taken Tyler. Six times they’d been here for bones, they should know the drill by now. Or he should have his own room. Except this was the first time she didn’t feel angst in getting to see him, .. or even worried about him. It was his own fault. Don’t skateboard when it’s wet out. The coldness she felt for him was something that caught her off guard, she’d never felt that for him before. And just like that, seeing him with his shirt off in the room as they worked on him, she knew she saw him differently. He wasn’t the best friend that she thought would never hurt her. But was it really his fault that he didn’t love her? You couldn’t control who you loved, and what teenage boy wouldn’t sleep with a teenage girl when given a chance. So here she was, coming to the hard realization that maybe she’d built it all up in her head. “ Are you going in to see him?” her mom asked and Kayla sat down, crossing her legs. “ To do what exactly?” she asked dryly before she took her phone out. Maybe she should text Connor to come pick her up so she could leave. “ I’m going to go check on him,” her mom said and Kayla lifted her hand from her lap, spinning her finger in a circle for the gesture ‘woopdidoo’ before she went back to paying attention to her phone.

After a few levels of Angry Birds, Kayla looked up in time to see her mom coming over. “ He wants to see you” she said and Kayla lifted her eyebrow at her mom. “ Mikayla I’ve put up with a lot from you tonight. Get your ass in that room, … right now..” she said and Kayla took in deep breath, clenching her jaw as she stood up from the chair and made her way towards the room. She looked down in time to catch the sight of a small amount of blood coming off her thigh. She shouldn’t have sat with her legs all crossed with the rubber of the converse rubbing against the inside of her leg. Kayla grabbed a tissue, wiping at the inside of her leg before she stepped inside to his room . They always seemed to keep him for a little extra observation when he broke his bones, check his INR level, make sure he didn’t have any internal bleeding. Kayla shut the door behind her, knowing that their parents were going to look at them through the glass before she moved over to it and moved the blinds so they were shut. Kayla turned back towards him, opening her mouth to say something but instead found herself closing her mouth as she put her hands in the pockets of her hoodie. Kayla stood there in silence for what felt like forever but was probably only five minutes. “ Well I hear time heals all wounds,” she said dryly, gesturing to his arm though she could really sort of care less about that right now. They had a lot more important things going on. At least, she thought that they had. Clearly not. “ Well if I don’t sign your cast people will just think it’s weird,” she said, picking up the sharpie and biting the cap off of it. The best friend thing, she could do that again. She used to pretend she didn’t love him, this time it would probably be easier now that she didn’t have to constantly wonder “what if”. She knew what if. She knew how he felt. Kayla narrowed her eyebrows as she signed her name on it before tossing the marker onto the counter.

[Tyler James Kingsley]

Tyler hated the hospital. Everyone there just babied him. "Okay Tyler... now... you're going to feel a pinch/it might sting a bit/you might have some pain..." They always warned you before it came as if warning him was going to make it hurt less. It never hurt less. What they should have warned him about how much he was going to hurt if he and Kayla ever were at odds. Well, it seemed they were, and that hurt more than his stupid arm. They poked at it and prodded it, took x-rays, reset the bone because it wasn't in place where it should be. They said that was the bump. Tyler just did what he always did, clenched his jaw, waited until it was over. That was the thing about pain that he had come to the conclusion, it always seemed to fade. That was what got him through all his broken bones, just wait it out and it would be over soon. Someone should have prepared him for this. This Kayla thing, this he was not prepared himself for. It wasn't going away. it was like this consistent stomach drop that would let up. Tyler sat in silence while they put a cast on his arm, the person saying, "So you think you're gonna stay off skateboards for a while now?" laughing slightly, trying to make conversation. Tyler didn't even look at her but responded coldly, "Fuck no." No broken bone was going to keep him from shit he wanted to do, that was for sure. He was going to skateboard when he fucking wanted to, he was going to play his guitar when he fucking wanted to, even if he looked like a fucking idiot, and he was sure as hell going to play soccer until the season was over. The doctor had already said no soccer, and Tyler had a big fuck you waiting for the guy. So he broke his arm, it wasn't the end of the mother fucking world. He was going to finish out the season and nobody was going to tell him differently. Fuckity fuck fuck. Fuck, he was mad. Stupid hospital people, they didn't know shit. He just wanted to go home and pass out. Maybe smoke a blunt first.

Tyler looked up when Kayla's mom walked in. He had kind of told his mom he was fine and she didn't need to be in there, but he wasn't expecting Kayla's mom. He looked up at her and she smiled, though quickly recoiled. He probably looked pissed. Tyler softened, looking away as the person finished up his cast. It was all ready to go. "So, skateboard?" Tyler nodded, "Yeah..." "You're mom told me..." she paused and offered, "Kayla wants to see you." What? Tyler assumed Kayla must be around somewhere, but he didn't figure she wanted to see him. He simply replied, "Oh." Probably sounding as surprised as he was. "Yeah, I'll go send her in." Tyler didn't answer her when she left. Well what was he supposed to say to Kayla. Kayla came in and Tyler watched in silence while she shut the door and closed the blinds. The way she looked it didn't seem like she really wanted to talk. Her mom probably just set them both up. Tyler shrugged when she said time healed all wounds. Tyler looked back at his arm and said quietly, "Yeah hopefully." Who even knew where they stood right now. He didn't. he'd pissed her off. Tyler didn't move so she could sign his cast. At least she'd gotten that part right, people would think it was weird if she didn't sign his cast. The stupid part was she still looked good. Even pissed, she looked smoking. Damn her. Why did he have to have such a good looking best friend. Fucking ridiculous. Kayla tossed the marker aside and Tyler felt his mood change. He went from being absolutely pissed to just tired and defeated. What the fuck were they doing, this wasn't them. They didn't fight. Tyler dropped his shoulders, realizing he had tensed up when she walked in, not knowing what to expect, but he looked up at her now. "I'm sorry..." he said quietly watching her. "I shouldn't of told you I didn't want to talk."

[Mikayla Laurel Garrity]

It wasn’t easy to see Tyler laying in a hospital bed, even if it was just for a broken arm. She knew it wasn’t easy for him to have a broken arm, but that didn’t mean it was fucking easy on her either. She would rather have her own arm be broken than this idiot be laying in bed with his stupid fucking arm broken. But clearly all he wanted to do was wrap his stupid fucking arms around Jessica. Because he had chosen her, hadn’t he? Jessica wanted to work things out and he had agreed – even if it was just for a little while.. he’d agreed. It had been something he decided he wanted. She hated him, she knew she hated him. He didn’t pick her. He’d known her for over fifteen years, and he hadn’t picked her. He chose some bimbo stupid bitch that was cheating on him. Kayla straightened her stance, tightening her arms against her body as she stood frigid, probably looking like she wanted to be anywhere else but here. Mainly because she did. Kayla looked over at Tyler as he finally spoke. But instantly she felt herself soften. Fifteen years she had known him and not once had she ever had to apologize. He had never pulled her hair. He had never pushed her down. For every scrape, cut bruise, time she fell off her bike, Tyler was there to kiss them each ( which had started off being forced by their parents because they thought it was cute ), to climbing through her window with her favorite ways to bounce back when she was sad ; Moulin Rouge, cookie dough, strawberry ice cream. He’d been perfect, never had to say the word ‘sorry’ for himself. He had always been the one to strengthen her and make things better. And now he was the one apologizing? Who was she kidding. She needed him to be happy. She didn’t care how dependent that made her look. It was just a fact of the matter – she had needed him as her best friend, and she needed him for so much more in her life.

‘ Tyler…’ she said, able to tell that she was softening even in her tone. Surely her appearance was starting to do so as well. Kayla moved closer to the bed, taking her hands out of the pockets of her hoodie as she sat on the edge of his bed. He was sorry he didn’t want to talk? Does that mean he did want to talk? Maybe she had overreacted. He was entitled to have wanted space – but the thing was they had never needed space from each other. And didn’t he know she needed him right now? He broke up with his girlfriend and he wanted to be alone, he didn’t want to be with her? Surely he must know how that made her feel. Kayla narrowed her eyebrows, doing her best to try and understand what all was going on between the two of them. She knew one thing. Kayla placed her hands on the bed and crawled up to face him before she placed her knees on the outside of his hips, straddling him gently as to not go near his arm before she placed her hand against his cheek. “ Never say you’re sorry,” she said, “ I’m sorry, too though.. I should have never expected you to just drop there and be for me.. you always have. Maybe you deserve to have me drop everything to be there for you.. And I can be the first to say it, be the first to drop everything. You’re not alone, you’ll always be my best friend. And I’ll always be in love with you,” she said before she leaned down to lay against his chest, placing a kiss against his lips.

[Tyler James Kingsley]

It was almost comical how, even though they were dealing with whatever thing they were dealing with, they were still so absolutely comfortable with each other it made it hard to stay angry. The way Kayla climbed onto the bed and over his hips, placing her hand on his cheek was beyond comforting. Tyler felt relief wash over him, it seemed she didn't hate him that much if she still could deal with being around him right now when he was being such an idiot. Tyler wasn't even aware of the natural way his hand found her knee, sliding over her leg until she kissed him, when suddenly he was very aware of where his hands were. But Tyler had heard what she said. Tyler let her kiss him, kissing her back and brought his not broken arm around her back where she laid against his chest. For a second they laid there until Tyler said quietly, "But I am sorry... this isn't how we do things. Fighting, we don't do this." And the thing was, he wasn't even entirely sure he knew what they were fighting about? But regardless, mad at each other or not, Kayla was absolutely right about one thing, they still loved each other. Maybe stupidly. Maybe it was just inevitable, like the way this whole thing had started. inevitable that they would start hooking up, that had been an obvious given. But maybe what was more inevitable was the fact that it wasn't just for shits and giggles, because suddenly Tyler felt a weird feeling of revelation. Sure he loved her, all his life he had. Loved her like a best friend, someone he trusted, loved being with, understood him, someone who was a perfect better half for him. But he was starting to address that other feeling he was having, the one he wasn't sure about but now he was. That other kind of love that had creeped up on him so easily. The love the way you look when you're concentrating, the way your hair falls over you face, every curve of your body, how your laugh just makes everything better, being near you isn't enough anymore if we aren't touching, need you more than just a friend. Need you in ways I never needed you before. The overwhelming need to protect someone, more so than he had been for fifteen years. To be that person you go to to hold you together, looking for more than just a hug. It had started so casual, two friends just fooling around but the more it happened the more he realized her needed it, craved it almost. Not just the sex, he had always slept over at Kayla's but now sleeping alone in his room some nights felt entirely wrong. He had this need to see her when he went to bed, and see her when he woke up. Sleeping felt better if she was next to him, perfect if she was wrapped in his arms. Tyler could see the difference from loving your friend how he used to, to how he felt now. The comparison was hugely different. Laying here now it felt completely obvious to him, and he had to ask himself if he'd been denying it or just that stupid. But he couldn't deny it anymore, he was in love with her. Real love, the I want to spend the rest of my life with you love. And instead of feeling overwhelmed, Tyler just felt relieved. He'd finally figured it out. Took him a little while, but he needed to be sure. And he felt he was. Tyler brought his hand up to her hair, moving his fingers through her hair and brushed it away from her perfect face, telling her softly, "I love you too." He wondered if she would understand he meant it differently than usual.

[Mikayla Laurel Garrity]

Tyler had touched her leg how many times at this point. There had been all the times when they were merely just friends, and then all the times when they had started to hook up. And he’d been her best friend since before she could even understand what that meant. She’d spent one summer away from him – just one. Her parents had sent her off to some musical camp and though she claimed she was never returning because ‘ those idiots had nothing to teach her that she didn’t already know’, the reality of it was being gone from Tyler that long left her feeling rocked and incomplete. But he had stayed that innocent best friend until their freshman year of high school. She could remember the day actually, the first time she found him attractive. He was walking onto the soccer field with the varsity team, being the youngest player out there. But it was just practice, and she had promised to wait for him after school. When she looked up and caught him taking his shirt off and shaking out his hair that had sort of been the end of it. How many times had she seen him shirtless swimming at her place? For some reason that afternoon changed everything. And it took a while but she got over it – the butterflies, the nerves. There was a small period of time where every time he came into the room she blushed, felt her palms start to get sweaty, laughed at things that weren’t remotely funny. Though those habits faded away, her feelings hadn’t. She never spoke up, never said anything. And why would she? He was her best friend, he wouldn’t understand. He hadn’t looked at her that way. Eventually Jessica made her move and that was the end of it. She got to have his arms wrapped around her late at night. She got to have the first kisses, first dates, holding hands. Kayla got to be told about their dates, about her favorite music, different things that Tyler was planning for her. Hooking up with him had not been a part of the plan. She couldn’t blame herself for being enticed by how expertly he kissed, or how safe he made her feel when they just laid wrapped up in sheets in the middle of the night, falling into a deep sleep. The sex hadn’t been just sex, it had meant something to her, the way he held her meant something to her. And she never thought it was meaningless to him – but she also figured he didn’t see it with the same meaning she had.

They had been telling each other that they loved each other since they were two. It wasn’t something new that was being said between them. But it was the first time that it seemed that it meant so much more. She had said she was in love with him. Being in love with someone and loving them was so much different. He could have turned her away instantaneously. But the moment he said it, she felt like her entire body froze still in that moment. He had said it so softly. Something that came out so quietly had completely been everything she’d been waiting for, for years now. Apparently all it took was each of them dating other people, starting to hook up with each other, break up with their significant others, get into a pointless fight, him breaking his arm and her climbing into his hospital bed. Maybe they would have gotten there eventually. Maybe it would have been more picture perfect. But the timing sort of felt perfect. Tyler had no idea how talented he was, how well he was doing at the studio. If he thought he was lost, he wasn’t alone. There wasn’t a person Kayla had more faith in than Tyler, he would succeed. But he’d said it. Four words and he handed over the entire world to her. And suddenly his arms around her felt so much more. And she didn’t even think that was possible. But knowing that he felt the same way about her as she felt about him. It made it that much more real, like she wasn’t just imagining it all in her head. It was easy to just think that maybe he loved her, when she wanted him to so badly. It was easy to pretend that each time he touched her, it meant something so much more to him. But now she knew, and it left a burning in her chest. Everyone else in her life was a distraction. Every guy that tried to talk to her was a waste of her time. She had big plans for her future, had dreams that she wanted to chase. But Tyler had always been a part of those, even when she was eight and didn’t understand what forever meant. She just knew that Tyler would be there. He was the only person she was consistently nice to , defended at every turn, supported with everything she had, believed in like he was all she needed to exist. And he was the last person she expected to love with all of her heart. She had already said she loved him, could she say it again. Now she just wanted to say it every five seconds, remind him incase he forgot. Kayla sat up slightly, reaching down to unzip her hoodie before she pushed it off over her shoulders. People could be in relationships and be happy, but she felt like whatever they had was so much more magical. They were best friends, to the core. Now they got to share everything with eachother. Couples could be close, but were they really best friends? She could ask him what would happen next between them, but didn’t they both sort of already know the answer to that? She didn’t want him with anyone else. She could only presume he didn’t want her with anyone else. So they just wanted each other. And now, knowing that he loved her too – she could really have him when she slept with him. It wasn’t just about them being bored and finding something to do, or about them thinking the other looked hot that day. It was something she knew she got to share with just him now. His arm was broken so clearly he would need help. Was it dumb to think that the first time sleeping with someone after you both revealed that you were in love was scarier than the first time she had done this? Sort of, considering he was the only person. It just felt like there was so much more weight attached – and at the same time, so perfect, and obvious and like her body had been made just for him. What could she say that meant more than them saying they loved each other? As far as she knew, this is the first time either of them had said I love you to someone and knew in their soul that they meant it. They were young, kids, stupid, reckless, brave. And right now she didn’t have many responsibilities aside from the ones she placed on herself with Broadway, and getting her homework done each night. Love was easy, love wasn’t supposed to be forced. And as she pulled his jeans down over his hips, she knew that what they were getting themselves into, was the exact meaning of what love meant for the two of them; devoting themselves not only to the other person, but to everything that the other person cared about. Broadway, soccer, skating, bicycles. Loving something and wanting it just as badly as the person you cared about did, because all you wanted was their happiness, even over your own.