[Jake] I Like It Rough

[Dani Marie Cooper]

Dani tried jamming her key into the door for what had to be the twentieth time, taking a step bac she took a big attempt at winding her foot up before she kicked the door as she screamed out at the top of her lungs, “ Estas bromeando!” Dani glared at the door before she started she slamming her hand against it, “ Jake Daniel Russo! Open up the GOD DAMN DOOR!” she screamed, impatiently slamming her palm against the door until eventually he answered it. “ THERE you are,.. you stupid head…” she said, glaring at him as she walked inside. Dani pointed to her keys that were out in the hallway before dropping her clutch down onto the floor and stepping inside, letting her heels click against the floor. “ Well, well.. well.. What do we have here,” she said, peering around a corner quickly as though she were trying to catch Jake in the middle of something. Nothing. Damn. “ Hm,” she muttered, slightly impressed before she kicked her heels off, not caring what direction they went flying in. She went into the kitchen, digging the bottle of Moscato out of the back and screamed at him to find the wine bottle opener. But when she turned around he was so lazily opening a drawer, offering the wine bottle opener out to her. “ Well thank you ssoooo much,” she said while rolling her eyes, trying to take it from him roughly. To be honest, she hadn’t ever opened a bottle of wine. He had always done it for her. But how hard could it be? She was finding out, because the cork was falling apart and it wasn’t twisting into it the way Jake did it so easily. “ FUCKING Italians,” she said, turning her back to him so he couldn’t watch her try to open up the bottle. After getting most of it out, she took a butter knife out and pushed the last of the cork down into the bottle. What the fuck ever. She opened the drawer again, taking out the colorful loopy straw before she dropped it into the bottle. “ Now that’s settled” she said satisfactorily.

“ And what the fuck have you been up to?” she said before leaning down to take a sip from her straw before she came out into the living room. She held the bottle out to the side, pointing towards the television with her eyes wide. “ FUCKING VIDEO GAMES, JAKE? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME” she screamed at him. Their neighbors, unfortunately, were pretty used to this. The phone calls to check on them had stopped after a few weeks. Dani took in a big drink from her bottle of wine and set it down on the coffee table before she went over to the xbox and pulled it from the wall. But he was quick to retaliate. ”Yousonofabitch,” she screamed out in one word as he picked up her bottle of wine and tossed it against the wall. Dani pushed her hands against his bare chest before she tried to grab the coffee table by the sides and tried to push it over. No luck. “ Well you know what I was trying to do!” she said, managing to move it a few inches to the side instead of flipping it over before she stood up straight and pushed her hair from her face. Dani took a slight step back as he picked it up like it weighed nothing, throwing it across the entire living room before it smashed against the wall. “ Is THAT what you were trying to do?”. Dani felt her breathing starting to quicken and could tell that it looked like she was visibly having to put work into breathing. “ Oh sure, THAT you put commitment into,” she said, throwing her arm up to the side to gesture to their now third broken coffee table.

“ I cook. I clean. I am DAMN good at going down on you. I pick up your disgusting socks. I sit down and watch you play your stupid video games. I cook Italian Jake… I COOK ITALIAN. I defend you when you’re an asshole to other people. I deal with the fact that you don’t even REGISTER how violent you are. These little bullshit things you do.. that’s what BOYFRIENDS do. It doesn’t make you special just because you change a fucking lightbulb.” she said before she went to stand on the couch so she was eye level with him. “ Shit I do? That’s because I’m in this for the god damn long haul. And no. I don’t think you question our relationship or whether or not you want to be in it. But I do think that I’m the only one that plans the long stuff. I do the wifey stuff. You don’t do husbandy stuff. I do wifey. And you might think this is fucking ridiculous.. and you are RIGHT you fucking jackass. Because no you are not my husband, but if nothing changes when we “sign that sheet of paper” then you might as well be, right? And I go out there. And I tell little girls, hey you can be anything you want to be. And then I come home. And you’re playing fucking video games. “ she said, mildly aware that the sentence didn’t roll together. “ So you’re in this, for the moment. But what happens when you decide to change your mind. What about my culture do you even like? Are you sure you LIKE me?” she screamed, hopping off of the couch and made her way back into the kitchen. “ I am latina. And I get angry. And I say stupid shit, but I’m fucking loyal. And you’re just.. you’re like a poopstain. But not any regular poopstain you’re just a big fat turd in the pants of fuckery,” she screamed, open one of his beers before she took a drink from it. He did look really hot without a shirt on. Dani licked her lips, looking down at the ground as she shook her head and ran her hand over her face. Though she was still yelling, she lowered her voice slightly, “ I want to share my life with you, Jake. Actually share it. Til’ death do us part, know each other like the back of our hands. You don’t get to help someone learn Italian, when I don’t know any yet. You don’t understand how much I legitimately want to share . Maybe you’ll marry me in a year. Or a five. Or maybe you won’t at all. But it won’t be because I didn’t give everything I have to try and be a part of your stupid dysfunctional life.” she said, taking another drink.. “ And this Peroni is fucking horrible Italian beer,” she said, dropping it down to the side on the floor and letting the green glass shatter into shards.

[Jacob Daniel Russo]

Jake threw his controller down, enraged, “Fucking god, I hate these fucking newbs. This is why I bought the game, so I didn’t have to deal with the Christmas newbs, fucking ridiculous,” he said loudly, knowing Chace and Lance were probably shaking their heads at him on their end of things. Jake tore off his headset in annoyance, turning around quickly when he heard a pounding on the door and a tiny angry latina on the other side screaming at him to open the door. Didn’t she have a goddam key? Learn to use it woman. Jake walked over to the door and yanked it open after unlocking it, looking at her keys on the floor, “Are you fucking serious.” Jake moved out of the way so she could come inside and picked her keys up off the ground, tossing them into the apartment. She was drunk, tossing her shoes off, looking for a goddam wine opener, as if she needed more to drink. Jake casually opened the nearest drawer and handed her the wine opener, fine. Go ahead and open it, at least he could get a good laugh out of her trying. Jake shook his head, mouthing ‘fucking italians’ when she turned around. Yeah those fucking Italians. Jake watched her go into the living room, becoming annoyed at her condescending attitude, “What have I been doing? Me, what have I been doing?” Jake followed her into the room, throwing his arms up in frustration, yelling right back, “Yeah, fucking videos games! What the fucking hell am I supposed to be doing, I just got back from filming, I want to play a fucking video game and relax. I haven’t been here, god forbid I can’t just relax and play a game. Not like you care, go ahead and just up and leave, not like I haven’t seen you hardly at all the past few months- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING.” Dani had gone and ripped his Xbox off of the wall, “DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH MY STUFF, god you are so fucking infuriating!” Jake said angrily, picking up her bottle of wine and whipping it at the wall where it shattered, leaving a big wet spot on the wall and floor. Well whatever. She knew not to touch the goddam Xbox. Dani had reached out and shoved him, Jake letting out a sarcastic laugh, “Oh really, go ahead and shove me, look how fucking far you pushed me. You just want to touch me.” Seriously? Jake leaned down, and in a rush of anger, he picked up the coffee table and threw it across the room, adrenaline surging through his body, “Is THAT what you were trying to do? That’s how you throw the fucking table!”

“Oh really, you wanna go there? Fine lets go there. Is that the problem Dani, is that all I am to you, a shitty boyfriend, is that why I’ve stuck around all this time? Yeah okay, fuck that.” Jake spat, reaching his hands up to his head, about ready to rip his own hair out and remembered he didn’t have a lot of it anymore, which he hated, and got more mad because he wanted his hair back. Jake reached down and picked up a vase off the side table, throwing that too at the wall, “I’m not fucking VIOLENT!” Jake let out a breath, looking at the vase that was as smashed as the wine bottle and the coffee table, all a result of him. Alright, maybe he was a little aggressive, but never violent. Violent was directing your anger physically at someone else, but he’d never, ever hit Dani, and he was sure of it. “Well I’m so fucking sorry, I’m not husbandy enough for you, why don’t you go fucking find someone to be your perfect little husband and see how happy you are, and what in the FUCK does little girls have to do with anything? Oh I’m sorry I’m not a good role model for little girls, Dani, is that it? Well you know what, NOPE I’m not and I don’t fucking care, because I don’t know anyone who’d want their little girls being told they ‘can do anything’ by this violent, non husbandy guy, FUCK.” Jake trailed after her to the kitchen, “You don’t know what long term stuff I plan on, you don’t even fucking ask me, all you do is complain about every fucking thing I do, you wouldn’t know what the fuck I was ever planning because you don’t even fucking ask, Dani, oh what do I LIKE about you? Oh nothing really, I’m not really sure. It’s not like I’ve been dating you for the past TWO AND A HALF FUCKING YEARS, but hey, I’m not sure if I like you or not, I’ll fucking let you know when I know,” he yelled, “You’re not even making fucking sense, stop drinking every fucking thing in front of you!” Jake didn’t even comprehend that she was drinking his beer, still just flat out pissed, “Are you fucking joking? God you have to make a big deal out of nothing, do you really think that I actually go and spend time with one of YOUR friends, teaching her anything? I don’t even hang out with her, I only see her when you’re around, and good god did you ever think for two fucking seconds that maybe the only reason I’m friends with her is because she’s YOUR friend? You really don’t give a shit do you? You just jump to conclusions, what do you think, I’m just having a fun fucking time messing around with you for the past two years? How can you sit there and think that I don't want the same as you?” Jake dead eyed her when she dropped the beer, “Okay, waste my beer, whatever. You know what else, you don’t want to be part of my dysfunctional life, then don’t. No one is making you stay, you made that clear when you fucking left. Which by the way, was FUCKING SHITTY. Oh sure, go hang out with Chace, go fly all the way to Joel so he can tell you to fucking come back and talk to me like an adult.”

Jake opened a container on the counter and pulled out a cookie, taking a bite and then tossed it back down, “What the hell do you want from me, huh? Am I not fucking enough? Because I don’t want us to be like every other one of our dipshit friends and get married and have babies when we’re 20 years old? Is just being with me not enough? Sorry I want us to be able to do the stuff we want when were still young, sorry I think you shouldn’t have to worry about leaving your husband home when you leave to shoot a movie, or miss the role of your life because you’re pregnant. I thought you felt the same, I thought we both knew we were in this for the long haul and we were just in no rush because we already had each other. Fucking excuse me for not being husbandy enough, guess I’m fucking dysfunctional.” He spat crumbling the cookie on the counter with his fist, “FUCKING RIDICULOUS” he said loudly, stomping toward the bedroom door, swinging it shut angrily where it slammed, dislodging the door frame, “UGH,” he yelled, opening and shutting the door with every word, “I. HATE. THIS. FUCKING. DOOR.” Before hearing it snap, stomping into the bedroom, picking up a basket of clean clothes and shoving them into random drawers, “Here Dani, let me put these away, am I being more husbandy yet?” he yelled, slamming drawers closed, “What else do husbands do, huh? What else should I be doing, please fucking enlighten me.” He said, looking at her expectantly as he threw his hands up.

[Dani Marie Cooper]

Dani crossed her arms over her stomach as she watched Jake opening and slamming their bedroom door. Like a goddamn fool. “ How’s that working out for you, stud?” she asked condescendingly before she made her way into their bedroom where he was throwing laundry into the drawers and slamming them shut. What else was he supposed to do? Dani brought her hands up to her face, pushing her thumbs into her temples as she tried to comprehend everything that he had said. There was just so much, and when you took out the ‘fucks’ you could actually understand what the fuckity fuck he was trying to say. “ We ARE on the same page, Jake. I don’t want a kid, and I certainly don’t want to hold you back from fucking anything either,” she said, looking at the clothes half ass shoved into the drawers. “ The fucking PROBLEM is that you have the maturity of a 2 year old so you don’t seem to comprehend that we don’t live normal lives, and no I don’t want kids or to get married because it’s just.. this thing. You and I have been together longer than anyone we know. And everyone thinks we’re fucking insane and not happy. And you’re an ASSHOLE to almost EVERYONE. Which means you have to fucking try.. TRY to show me a little more than just this stuff. ALL I FUCKING WANT IS FOR … Like.. you to just be like… hey girl.. I could wife you someday. I like the way you look, you look pretty today. Did you buy that new perfume just for me? BECAUSE I FUCKING DID,” she said, standing on the bed as she ran across it to go to the bathroom where she took the perfume off the stand and threw it across the room where it hit the iHome that was minding its’ own business on the nightstand. “ Fucking perfect,” she mumbled as she walked out the room and made her way back to the kitchen.

“ Make me lasagna, he says. Other Disney people are stupid, he says. I’m going to work out and be buff and make other people tiny because I have the ego the size of Manhattan.” she said, rolling her eyes as she came into the kitchen. Dani stepped up onto the little step ladder they had in the kitchen and took a glass out of the cabinet, pointing it at him. “ I was half a fucking virgin when I met you,” she screamed, throwing the glass down on the ground. She couldn’t flip over tables, but she could pick up cups. “ AND I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU, IF I WANTED TO TOUCH YOU I COULD JUST DO IT. I DID IT WHEN I WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE, AND I’D DO IT NOW IF I WANTED TO, YOU’RE KIND OF AN EASY FUCKING SLUT,” she screamed, taking another plate and throwing it onto the ground where it shattered. It wasn’t fair that he could break doors and tables. And unless it weighed less than ten pounds she stood no chance of making any sort of impact on it. “ You want me to find somebody else? Fine. I’ll find somebody else. But you aren’t going to find anyone to put up with your bullshit. I’m hot. Someone will come along and snatch me up. You’re messy.” she said before flipping him off and dropping the last of the glasses onto the floor.

Dani went into the laundry room, picking up the basket where she started emptying it out and dropping everything. “ Yeah, socks look like they fucking belong here,” she said, throwing the laundry basket to the side. “ Because I’m fucking Jake Fuckin’ Russo. I can do whatever the fuck I want. Because I’m awesome and I think I’m sexy as shit. Of course I have the ego the size of Russia. Because why wouldn’t I. Look at me, italy’s finest at your service ladies.” she said , trying to do an impression of his voice. “ If there’s a problem in my way, don’t worry.. I’ll Hulk it out,” she said before she spun around and pointed at him. “ AND HE’S THE LAMEST FUCKING SUPERHERO.. so don’t even PRETEND it’s cool,” she said before going to see what else she could make a mess off, finding herself back in the kitchen where she stepped over the broken glass and opened the fridge. “ And don’t even TRY to give me a lecture on friends and how we’re supposed to treat each other’s friends- blah blah blah. You screwed your best friend over!” she yelled at him at the top of her lungs before she looked at their bedroom door, taking her own shot at slamming it since it was broken anyways. “ Kiersten wasn’t my biggest fan because of the bullshit with Lance when they first started dating. It took FOREVER for her and I to become friends. And do you think it’s possible that you would be FRIENDS WITH HER ANYWAYS SINCE SHE IS DATING YOUR BEST FUCKING FRIEND YOU MINDLESS PIECE OF FUCK” she screamed at the top of her lungs before taking a second to add, “ Well they love each other at least. Which is more than what we can say apparently,” she said, taking the decorative pillows she had bought for the bed and just throwing them across the room because Jake never seemed to understand the fucking concept behind a decorative pillow and the fact that you weren’t supposed to fucking sleep on them. “ Do you know how stupid you look when you yell fuck so much? Tell me this doesn’t look stupid,” she said, bouncing around in a bunch of places as she screamed fuck out at the top of her lungs. “ And don’t you dare bring Joel into this. He has ALWAYS been there for our relationship. He tried taking the fall to cover up for all of this Lance-public dating – hiding you and I bullshit. And he adores you. He thinks you are a dapper young man. And I don’t have any clue as to why,” she said, trying to pull over their dresser. Again. No luck. Seriously was all of this shit bolted down?
“ You want to know what pisses me off the most, Jacob?” she asked, placing her hands on her hips as she looked at him. “ People probably think we are only together because no one else will put up with us. They probably think we have both settled because we will never find someone who will take each other back with open arms. All I fucking want is for you to want this as much as I do. Instead you overreact about fucking VIDEO GAMES… video games!” she yelled before pointing at the doorframe that he broke. ‘That is our HOME. You broke our home. I broke a video game. You broke our home. That is ours,” she said before heading into the laundry room. They had some kind of tools there somewhere. “ And like usual. I’ll fucking clean it up. Cause I’m the god damn Mexican maid around this son of a bitch” she said, grabbing the handle of the toolbox and dragging it towards their room since she couldn’t actually carry it over. “ And I will waste your beer. Your beer tastes like shit,” she mumbled, finding that she was so jumbled with everything he had said that she was responding to all of it out of place. “ Don’t want me to leave my ‘husband’ behind when I’m filming a movie.. so what, you don’t think you feel as badly about leaving me behind to film a movie as you would if we were married? I’m JUST your fucking girlfriend so it’s not a big deal, you don’t have to love me as much?” she asked, looking through the tool box. What kind of tool fixed a door. Dani leaned down, pushing some of the tools around until she picked up something that looked like it had a handle on it and tried tapping it against the doorframe. “ FUCK you behaving more ‘husbandly’. How about I act more ‘girlfriendy’ instead of wifey. Huh? How’s that sound Italy?” she asked before tossing the tool down. “ You hungry babe? Too fucking bad. I don’t know how to cook. That laundry of yours sure looks like it is piling up. Wish I could help with that. Cleaning? Not today. I’d rather admire your muscles. Ooh have you been working out, stud muffin?” she asked, sarcastically rubbing her hand against his arm before she rolled her eyes and turned around to walk away from him. “ Oh wait, you DON’T see me as the girlfriend. You see me as the maid,” she said, making her way past the living room. Couldn’t push over the entertainment center, but she could grab a handful of the dvd’s and throw em on the ground. Check. Once she made it into the kitchen she went to the sink and opened the cabinet underneath it, taking those ridiculous yellow gloves out and started to pull them on so she could start cleaning up the mess they had made.